People Pleaser - Blog Posts

i think the problem is that i forgive people before i even let myself be angry at them

It starts as a harmless poke to my shoulder. Never a serious matter for when I turn to question you, you respond with a bright smile and remind me that it is all friendly.

Your fingerprint begins to stain my shoulders and I turn to inquire your motivations. Quickly I am shut it down cause it’s nothing serious, just a nudge.

Times pass and the skin that you torment is bruising, the pain pulsates although out my body.

Your hand is tainted crimson with my ooze but still you address me with a smile, after all it’s just a nudge.

You burry your way through my skin and uncover the most fragile parts of my being. The foundation that I am built on is disrupted by your omnipotent presence that chips away at me.

I garner up the courage to question your antics as my bones begin to splinter.

But there is no body to restore me, I am spoilt beyond recovery.

I don't hate myself but I couldn't say I like myself.

Let me put it this way:

There's a lot of characters in a show. You have the compassionate person who always there for a fun time, you have the sarcastic funny guy who says what's on his mind, you have the annoying jerk who is sometimes nice. All these characters invoke a feeling within the viewer. Whether that's anger, annoyance, or even laughter. But every show has one character that everyone ignores. That one character that eat up screen time. That one character nobody hates, but nobody really like them either. There's nothing WRONG with the character, there's just nothing to them. Sure, they'll have a few people who would say that they are underrated and people shouldn't ignore them, but that's like 0.5% of people. They're just forgettable and not memorable in the same way other characters are.

That's how I view myself.

The easy child.

How nice it is to be the easy child.

Of course only as long as you stay easy.

You get good grades, you don't need a tutor. You just seem to understand school.

They can't know that you cry at your desk each evening. They can never know.

You help around the house without being specifically asked to.

You're scared to be yelled at like they do to your brother.

You always cry when they criticize how you do things, but they'll never know.

You walk silently, always feeling like you're standing on your tiptoes.

They scolded your brother because he was walking too loud before.

They don't know, can't know that every time they complain about you two being too loud you cry.

You walk around on eggshells, you do everything to please the people around you.

You cry at night, quietly. You try not to disturb or worry anyone.

At last you do something to set them off.

You were too loud, they yell. You yell back, why did you do that.

You're suddenly not easy anymore.

Now you're mentally ill, you need help. You cry because you can't seem to understand a topic at school. You cry at confrontation, you can't hear yelling anymore. You need help.

You don't know what you have done wrong. Now they're frustrated, angry and they yell. They keep yelling and you cry.

How nice it is to be the easy child.

Until you're not quite so easy anymore.

Am sick but working on finals to get good grades yes👌

Empathy without boundaries is self destruction

Be careful not to let your desire to help turn into allowing someone to break you down.

"It's ok to disappoint people." has got to be MOST powerful, life changing advice I have ever heard.