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Love bombing is not a euphemism for "too much affection too soon," or "high desire for contact."
"Love bombing" is a term originally used in the context of cults to describe a deliberate and coordinated recruitment method that involved feigning friendship and interest in a potential recruit, via flattery, flirtation, physical affection, and very directed positive attention to everything the recruit says in order to lure them into the cult.
Since cults and abusive relationships operate in similar ways and use similar tactics, love bombing in an interpersonal relationship looks like manufacturing closeness in order to trap someone into a relationship in which the abuser has all the control.
And I know these days there's a million bullshit junky articles out there that make you think this is a symptom of cluster b personality disorders, but there is no way for you to be love bombing somebody without realizing it.
If you are an affectionate person and the level of affection and attention you give makes someone uncomfortable, you are not "accidentally" abusing them.
If you are uncomfortable with the level of affection and attention someone is paying you, they are not de facto abusing you.
Love bombing is about using someone's desire for human connection to fast track them into a situation you control and will feel disinclined to leave.
A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.
Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.
What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.
Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.
What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.
Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.
What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.
Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.
It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
-Xanthe
Abusive relationships are crazy. I wasted almost 2 years on a girl who would repeatedly abandon, berate, and gaslight me into thinking I was the issue the entire time. I poured all of my time into them, and what I got back was them telling me I was never enough. The last time they abandoned me they established the fact they only wanted to be queer platonic. I accepted it because of the fact that I was utterly desperate for them, and all of them and I wanted that love no matter what form it was. Even when it hurt me when they would say things like, "I would never marry you. I want to meet my soul mate and marry someone else." When everything was all about sex, and how I never provided enough for them. Even on antidepressants that severely lowered my sex drive, there was always complaints on me never being in the mood, and being coerced into indulging in them. Abusive relationships are crazy because I thought I deserved all of this. That I was just a really bad boyfriend, that nobody would ever want anything more than sex with me. They felt so entitled to my love, and yet pushed me away when I tried to give it. Throwing buzzwords at me that they truly didn't know the definition of, which would ultimately be things that they were doing to me. At the end of our """"relationship"""", if you can even call it that- lord knows they hated being labeled as anything but platonic with me- I met a man who genuinely gave me his all and made sure I was safe and loved. I knew any day now that the war would finally be over and that I would be free from their abuse. They had no problem with my new friend until I started showing signs of interest with him, and then all of a sudden I was "just like every other man," and a "player". (Mind you we weren't even really in a relationship with them anymore! As they've established to us many times!). They were so afraid of him telling me to leave them that they hurled insults and harassed me, threatening me with the police and saying I'm a whore and all that. Yeah. And for a long while I believed everything that they said. I believed I deserved everything that they did and said. Abusive relationships are crazy because once you find your true person, you realize how brainwashed you were by your abuser and how horrible they actually were to you. How you can't make any excuses for them anymore. Just one of many men who experienced relationship abuse. I felt so weak compared to them, but I promise you aren't. You're not weak and I know one day you will find your person. My person and I will hit 8 months together very soon, and this relationship has been very healing to me. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Being a male victim of abuse DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK. IT MAKES YOU A VICTIM, AND THATS THAT. I love you all, and can only hope for each and every one of your safety.