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Hanif Abdurraqib - Blog Posts

pfm019

7 months ago

text that reads: The thing about being in love with someone who does not live where you live is that the two of you have to think of new and inventive ways to see each other, sometimes based around a shared hectic travel schedule. And so, through the winding roads of New Hampshire, cloaked by ice, I am driving to a place where someone I love is, because I could afford the few days, even if they will skip by quicker than I’d like. There are several churches, all of their signs offering advice, or statements:

TO BE ALMOST SAVED IS TO BE TOTALLY LOST

START YOUR WEEK IN THE ARMS OF THE LORD

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER

text that reads: And God, if you are listening, I do worry. God, if you are listening, I count the miles between my body and the body of the person I love and I worry about each of them. God, I worry about the planes we take to each other and the sky that might not hold them. God, I wear seatbelts and visit the graves of my friends in spring to kick away the dirt from winter. God, it is just us talking now, and I worry about everything I can’t control. God, can you tell me how much longer I’ll get to be alive and in love. God, I am sorry for the times I didn’t want to stick around. God, there is a scroll of things I have taken for granted in order to survive this long, and it is endless. And it is maybe too late to want to live forever after everything I’ve seen and done. But there are freeways between me and the person I love, God. And I don’t have enough time to travel all of them. I worry that I can’t bend them all into a giant circle from where I begin to where she begins.

text that reads: God, I don’t know what I believe in except the shrinking of distance. God, do you worry about the things you can control? I am enough in love to worry about everything that might cast a shadow over it. God, I have touched the living face of a person I love with the same hands I have touched the dying face of someone I love and none of that seems fair. God, I am enough in love that I want to make everything about it an endless circle, with a sunset at the top of every hour. I know this is all too much, God. But as long as you’re not tired yet of talking, it helps.

Julien Baker sings the last lines of “Hurt Less” with nothing but a faint piano, growing fainter as she squeezes each syllable for all it is worth:

text that reads: THIS YEAR I’VE STARTED WEARING SAFETY BELTS
WHEN I’M DRIVING
BECAUSE WHEN I’M WITH YOU
I DON’T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT MYSELF
AND IT HURTS LESS

That’s the thing about something holding you so close that it actually becomes a part of your body.

On Seatbelts and Sunsets - Hanif Abdurraqib

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orangesandshades

5 months ago

orangesandshades

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words hanif abdurraqib https://x.com/banhmigoddess/status/1691870956216631639

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