Carmy X Reader - Blog Posts

idk how you manage to make porn sound beautiful your writing is sooo good,, could i request D from the nsfw alphabet for carmy??🙏🙏🌸 please and thank you

😭😭 thank you so much, this is seriously such high praise! i’ve definitely spent a lot of time honing my craft, so i’m happy that it’s paying off! now, enjoy getting let in on carmy’s dirty little secret…

d is for dirty secret | carmen berzatto

warnings: explicit sex, degradation (consensual), emotional vulnerability, power dynamics, aftercare, past trauma mention (work-related stress), crying, dom/sub elements

tags: @destinedtobegigi, @pittsick, @bambiangels, @talsorchard, @angeldoll1e, @itachisank, @tennisprincess, @lexiiscorect, @esotericgirlwannabe, @lovefaist, @won-every-lottery, @zionna

It doesn’t come out easily. Nothing ever does with Carmy—not the good things, not the soft things, and definitely not this. He’s too guarded, too clenched behind the ribcage he built out of guilt and grief and sharp-edged expectations. Sex, for him, was always something that existed in theory. He’d had it, sure. Here and there, quick and forgettable. Mostly desperate. Never deep. Never slow. Never safe. And never like this—with someone patient enough to wait for the real him to come out, for the parts he doesn’t understand, the ones he’s afraid to want.

It starts one night with him restless beneath you, half-sweaty, half-high from the way your mouth had ruined him earlier, his chest rising sharp and fast like it always does when his brain’s spinning. You’re curled over him, sticky from his come, his hands still trembling a little on your waist. And you whisper it again—what you’ve been asking for days now, soft and coaxing at the seam of his ear.

“Tell me what you want.”

He’d brushed it off every time. With a shrug. A scoff. A smile so fake it could’ve been carved out of soap. But now, with his body unraveled under you and his walls cracked just wide enough to bleed, he gives you something real.

It’s barely a whisper.

The kind of truth that feels like it might fall apart if he says it any louder.

“I want you to… talk down to me,” he breathes, like he hates himself for saying it. Like the words are burning their way up his throat.

You don’t react at first. You don’t laugh, or blink, or flinch—and that’s what keeps him from shutting down. Just you, breathing steady, still wrapped around him like warmth itself. Your hand rests flat over his ribs, right where his heart stutters like a wounded animal. You feel it when he says the next part, even softer.

“Like, really mean. Tell me I’m fucking lucky. That I don’t deserve it.” He closes his eyes, shame flickering behind his lashes. “Tell me I’m not good at it. That my dick’s big but I don’t know how to use it. Just—fuck with me. I want that. I think.”

There’s silence between you for a beat. A long one. Weighted like a decision.

You kiss the underside of his jaw, gentle, slow. Your voice stays low, careful, reverent in a way that makes him shiver.

“Okay,” you murmur. “Why?”

He turns his head, eyes still shut. His breath catches. Like he’s scared you’ll ask, and even more scared you won’t.

“I used to get screamed at every day,” he says. “New York kitchens. Every service. Every fucking hour. About things I couldn’t fix. About things that weren’t my fault. I’d throw up before shifts sometimes. Wake up with my heart pounding so hard I couldn’t breathe. And no one gave a shit. You just kept your head down. You took it. Or you left.”

He swallows.

“But when you do it—when you say those things—I’m not alone in it. I’m not scared. You still want me. You’re still inside me, on me, with me… whatever. I can take it. It makes it feel like… power, I guess. Like I get to choose it, this time.”

The words bleed into the dark between you, soft and aching. He’s not looking at you, not even now. He’s never looked so open and so closed at once—shoulders tense, jaw sharp, but his chest… wide open. Exposed. Like a wound that stopped bleeding and never learned to scar.

You take your time before responding. You run your thumb over the ridge of his hip, feel the tremor in his leg as your palm drags down the muscle of his thigh. He’s still half-hard. The confession didn’t scare his body like it scared his voice.

“Okay,” you say again, slow and deliberate. “I’ll say whatever you want. I’ll be so fucking mean.”

He groans at that, almost involuntarily. His cock twitches between you, already starting to swell.

“But I want you to listen, too,” you add, leaning in, brushing your mouth over the corner of his. “When it’s over. When I say the other stuff. The real stuff. You gonna be able to do that, Carmen?”

His eyes open finally. Wide. Blue. Fragile.

“Yeah,” he whispers. “I want that, too.”

So you rise to your knees over him, slow and deliberate, watching the way his gaze trails up the length of your body like it’s a prayer he doesn’t know the words to. He’s beautiful in this light—hair a mess of curls, collarbones sharp and flushed, chest still marked where you bit him earlier. He doesn’t look away when you reach down and wrap your hand around him again.

He’s thick in your palm. Heavy, flushed pink with arousal, veins standing out with the blood rushing under his skin. His head tips back again as you stroke him, your thumb grazing the slit—wet, slick, leaking already like the need never really left him.

“Fuck,” he gasps. “Please.”

“You are lucky,” you say, your voice sharpening just a little, steel under silk. “You don’t even know how fucking lucky you are, do you?”

His eyes flutter. He pants.

“You get to fuck me, Berzatto. And you don’t even know what you’re doing. All this dick and no clue how to use it.”

He moans. Loud. Desperate. You climb over him again, press the thick head of him against your entrance and watch him come undone.

“God, look at you,” you murmur as you sink down onto him—inch by inch, slow and merciless. “Already losing it. Haven’t even started.”

And he hasn’t. His hands clutch your hips like you’re a lifeline, his chest arched up into yours, breath wild and broken as you bottom out.

You see it in his face—this release of something deeper than lust. Like shame being peeled off layer by layer. Like trauma being rewired by pleasure so sharp it makes him cry out. You ride him slow at first, but the way he bucks up into you, the helpless noises—he’s not going to last. He’s not meant to.

You lean in, fingers gripping his jaw. Your mouth close to his ear.

“Bet they made you feel small, didn’t they?” you hiss. “Made you feel like you weren’t worth shit.” He nods, choked, undone.

“Well now I’m making you feel like that. And you’re fucking hard for it.”

He shouts, hips jerking helplessly under you, his whole body convulsing with the force of it.

“That’s it, baby. Fucking take it.”

And he does. With everything he’s got.

You don’t slow down. You don’t stop—not when he’s this far gone. Not when his eyes are rolling back, not when his jaw’s gone slack and his hands are pawing blindly at your hips like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. His cock is twitching deep inside you, thick and swollen, pulsing like it’s too much for him to hold in. Like he’s going to break apart and you’re the only thing keeping him from floating off the bed entirely.

“You feel that?” you whisper, dragging your hips up and slamming back down—hard enough to knock a sharp gasp out of him. “That’s me doing the work. Not you. You just get to lie there like a good little fucktoy and take it.”

His breath shudders. You can see the way the words hit him—low and deep and hot, turning something in his chest inside out.

His mouth opens, tries to form a sound, but nothing comes out. Just a gasp, a moan, something wrecked. You lean down, mouth against the sweat-damp skin of his neck.

“I could get off on this cock without you even doing a single thing,” you murmur, voice sharp as teeth and sweet as poison. “All that talk about how good you are with your hands, how precise you are in the kitchen—but in bed? You’re fucking useless.”

He groans—full-bodied and helpless. His hands clench on your thighs like he’s in pain, like the pleasure is boiling over and he’s barely holding it in. His face is flushed to his ears, hair stuck to his forehead in damp curls, jaw clenched so tight you can see the muscle twitching.

You grin—slow, dangerous, almost fond.

“Pathetic,” you hiss. “You’re so goddamn pathetic like this, Carmen. You like that, huh? Being used like this? Being told what a worthless little thing you are?”

His whole body jerks. His back arches off the mattress. “Yes—fuck, yes—don’t stop, please don’t—”

You don’t. You fuck him harder. Faster. The wet sounds of your bodies colliding fill the room, slick and obscene. His cock slips so deep inside you it punches little cries out of your throat, but you don’t stop—not when he’s so close, not when you feel his stomach start to tighten and his legs begin to tremble under you.

You bring your hand to his throat—gentle at first, just resting there, just enough pressure to feel his pulse hammering. His eyes flutter open, dazed and desperate. You don’t squeeze—you don’t have to. The look in your eyes alone has him panting like he’s about to die from it.

“You’re gonna come for me again,” you say, low and firm and mean. “You’re gonna come like a desperate little bitch because I said so. Because you’re mine. You hear me?”

“Yes,” he gasps. “Please, I—fuck, I’m—”

You slam down on him one more time, and that’s it. His mouth falls open around a silent cry and he comes—hard. Harder than before. Harder than he’s ever come in his life. His whole body seizes beneath you, thighs clenching, spine bowing, his cock kicking deep inside you as he fills you with it—hot and pulsing and endless.

He doesn’t make a sound at first. Just trembles. Just holds on like he’ll die if he lets go. His eyes are glassy, unfocused, wet at the corners like he’s short-circuited, like whatever he just felt was too much to process in real time.

When it finally passes—when the shock stops rolling through his nerves and his body goes soft beneath you—he blinks up at you like he forgot how to speak.

You pull off him slowly, carefully, your thighs trembling as you settle next to him. He’s a mess—chest heaving, sweat gleaming on his skin, hair ruined, come smeared across both your thighs. You reach for a towel and gently wipe him clean, pressing kisses to his jaw, his temple, the corners of his mouth.

He swallows hard. Blinks. Still not quite there yet. You drag your fingers through his curls and wait.

“You okay?” you whisper, soft again. Stripped of cruelty. Honest.

He nods, dazed. “Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, I just—” He lets out a long breath, like something that’s been stuck in him for years finally dislodged. “That was… insane. I didn’t even know I could feel that much.”

You stroke a thumb under his eye, wipe away the tear you hadn’t pointed out.

“I meant what I said earlier,” you whisper. “You’re not useless. Not even close. You’re so fucking good, Carmen. And I love you.”

His eyes cut to yours then, sharp and clear, and he smiles—small and warm and real.

“I know,” he murmurs. “You’re sweet.” He leans in, kisses you lazy and slow, tongue dragging against yours like a man drunk on want. Then he laughs, rough and low. “But goddamn, you look so hot when you’re mean.”

You grin against his mouth.

“Lucky for you,” you whisper, “I love being mean to you.”

And from the look in his eyes—hungry, wide, reverent—he knows you mean it.

EP 1: "you really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes" | the first episode of Sweet & Salty

the first episode to my new series 'sweet & salty' Centered around the Hulu show 'The bear.'

warnings: kinda fluff, a smidge of angst, a lot of nostalgia,kissing,almost smut

"shittt okay vee so either we go stupid and get 4lokos or we get some nasty ass bear and just chug that" i looked at my best friend awaiting her answer "um..be stupid and grab them damn 4lokos" vee laughed showing her pink braced teeth "okay I'll go grab some chips and shit. This is finna be our best movie night yet" i clapped my hands together and grabbed about 4 4lokos out of the cold liquor store freezer i look around the store for a minute then walked up to the counter "uh my friend is getting everything else can i just sit those here?" i asked the bored counter clerk he simply nodded and continued looking at the erotic magazine. 'Fucking cunt' i thought before walking over to the candy isle as i looked around i could feel a presence looming over me like the feeling you get when you teacher is standing over you during a test "damn can you mo-" i turned around and stopped my sentence "my bad..Jojo?" i eternally cringed at the high school nickname "hi carmen" i nodded trying to shake the awkwardness off "eh..how are you?" he asked me shifting from on foot on to the other "good. I uh went to New York and got my degree" i told him.

It was always easy to tell him everything "yeah? i went to New York last year" he smiled "yeah? i heard through the grapevine that you got yourself a restaurant" he rubbed at his face and nodded "i do" he said in a monotone voice. i wanted to bring up Mikey but i just decided against it "can i ask you something Jojo?" he looked at me waiting for me to say something "did you really get the uh..tattoo removed..like you said you would?" he asked me.

I said two years ago when i left for New York and said that i was gonna get the tattoo i got of his name removed and i did not do it whatsoever.

"no I didn't actually" I turned to the right and moved my hair to show him the small letter that began at the back of my ear and ended and the bottom of my neck "well that's good..You got something planned tonight?" he asked me before waving his hands "not that like I wanna come over or something like that" I laughed only laughed at him trying to explain it "yeah me and vee are having a sleep over slash movie night I guess since I'm back" I told him trying not to be so awkward "that sounds fun..I'm sorry I didn't call you- or try to" he looked down at the ground "it's fine Carmen I should have cut you off like that" he chuckled "it's fine i mean at least I'm still Carmel to you" he shrugged dramatically "yes you are" i smiled "uh..can I have your number?..to stay in contact of course" he asked before looking away once our eyes locked "yeah can i see your phone" i twisted my necklace 'stop doing that' i dropped my necklace.

he handed me his phone for me to type my number in I called my number to make sure it rung and it did "I'll save your number now" I told him as I pulled out my phone "you still have that photo?" he shook his head and smiled, I looked at my case and saw the collection of high school Polaroids I kept one of us doing nothing but just looking at each other "yeah I don't throw away shit" I said before saving his number "josie did you-" vee stopped in her tracks and sighed "well hi Carmel macchiato" she shook her head and laughed before giving him a quick side hug "hey vee" he said simply "still got your braces I see" he said sarcastically "shut up I'm getting them off next week dude" she rolled her green eyes "I'm just fucking with you" he said patting her shoulder "I know carm" she laughed "well hurry and grabbed some shit josie I wanna go watch that movie" she sighed and walked over to the counter.

"alright" I nodded "you should the nerd's ropes" carmen stated "yeah? okay then" I grabbed the nerd's ropes and looked at them they did seem good "and um get chocolate too because too much fruit flavored candy makes you-" I interrupted him "throw up? I know carmen" I laughed and grabbed some twixs and snickers "alright well I'll call you tonight if that's okay?" he asked me running a hand thru his wild curly hair "yeah of course" he nodded and walked to the back of the store to grab a drink "bye Jojo" he looked at him from over his should "bye carm"

My fucking stomach hurts and I now remember every reason why I don't fucking drink 4lokos anymore because my god.

Vee was in the bathroom throwing up everything she ate and drunk today, and I sat there trying not fucking cry from how much my stomach was killing me "Vierra? Vee?" I called to her trying to see if she was okay thru my own pain "yes" she said weakly "I stood up and walked over to the bathroom to see her resting her blonde head on the side on my tub "I have clothes just shower and ill uh..door dash or something" I said still clenching at my stomach "no..I don't want door dash" she replied drunkly "I want you to get your boyfriend carmen over here so he can cook" she burped "carmen isn't and wasn't my boyfriend Vierra" I shook my head at what she had said.

He was my best friend "Fuck you. Just get that man over here because I'm fucking hungry Josephine" I nodded and walked over to my dresser to grab her some clothes "okay ill call him just please shower" I helped her get up and get undressed before I ran her a bath making sure to some of those calming bath salts that I bought last week.

After I got her into the bath I stepped out at plopped down on my bed before grabbing the painkillers in my night stand and popping two of them into my mouth and chasing it with a water 'call carmen' I groaned and listened to my head before picking up my phone at first my thumb just hovered over his name in my phone "fuck it" I pressed the button and waited for him to pick him which wasn't a long wait "Josephine?" his voice was deep and soft "I'm sorry were you uh sleeping?" I asked him knowing the answer considering that it was 12:52 "kinda. Whatcha need?" he asked me and I kind of hesitated "um could you come over and make something to eat for me and vee, she specifically asked for to cook" I told him my leg bouncing with anxiety "yeah. I can" he said groaning "okay. I'll send you, my address."

It wasn't long before he was knocking at the door of my apartment I got up from the bed and opened the door "hi josie" he looked so tired 'and so fine' I shook my head at stepped aside to let him in "I'm sorry to wa-" I tried to apologize but he interrupted me "it's fine. I rather it be you anyways" he groaned and ran his hand thru his hair again "what does she want to eat?" he asked me while he looked around my kitchen pulling out pots and pans "chicken alfredo" I leaned against the island in my kitchen he nodded "josie? is your boyfriend here?" a drunk Vierra called out of my bedroom "vee yes he's here and he's not boyfriend" I sighed and carmen only scratched his head I took a seat in the barstool at my island and just watched him.

"you just gonna stare or are you gonna tell me about New York?" he was going back in forth from my fridge to the stove to the cabinet cooking away "well if you don't mind I'm gonna do both" I giggled 'like a damn school girl' I shook my head "well uh in New York I ate a shit ton of food and the people aren't that bad" I scratched my head "yeah? what all did you eat?" he asked me as he added a stick of butter to a pan "everything. Like I basically ate at every fucking restaurant I could find" I laughed "still got a huge ass appetite I see" he shook he head and turned around to give me a quick smile 'that was cute' "yes that was" "hm?" he looked at me "I said yes I do. I'm a hungry whore..like the game hungry hippo but sluttier" he shook his head and put his hands on his hips "gotta be nicer to yourself" I rolled my eyes at his words "Josephine."

I threw my hands up " okay I'm gonna be nicer to myself carmen" I stuck my tongue out at him "now. Where's your pasta?" he asked me still stirring and picking stuff in a skillet "in the last cabinet to the left he opened the cabinet and looked at me "only 3 packs josie? I should be ashamed" when he said that I remembered Michael saying the same thing 2 years back before I left for New York "uh carmen...I'm really sorry about Mikey" I sighed "it's fine."

he said quickly and bluntly "is the food done yet?" Vierra shouted from my room "no vee not yet" carmen shouted back "can you pull out some plates Jojo?" he asked me still focused on the stove and making sure the pasta didn't over boil "..yes chef" I stood up from the stool and made my way over to the dishwasher were I pulled out a few heart shaped plates "that's cute" he said looking at the plates "I know right?" I replied back "oh uh..could I see your room...? because I uh remembered how narly your bedroom was when we were kids so I just thought it would y'know still be uh..cool" he ran his hand through his hair "yeah. It's still narly probably even more narly because I got my own money to puy any decoration I want" he laughed "yeah your apartment is cute" stirred the pot again as he complimented me "aw your sweet carmy that's why I call you Carmel" he laughed.

Finally the food was done and Vierra ate that shit down "this is why we love carmen right josie?" she wiped her mouth after eating her 3 plate "mhm" I only nodded my head to what she said "bye" vee got up from her seat at my island and went back into my room "well at least she's happy" carmen joked as I stood up to put the dishes in the sink "do you uh..want me to go or?" he asked me at he rested his chin the palm of his hand "no. I mean you should stay" he nodded.

We sat in silence for a bit, "you know what? last week when I had gone to that same liquor store guess who I saw" carmen looked at me "uh who?" I asked "Claire" I rolled my eyes at his answer "you know I don't her." I rolled my eyes again "can I ask why?" he tilted his head in a boyish manner "yes because she was a fucking bully, so I punched in her stupid fucking face. Shes still one of those manic pixie dream girls" he nodded "that was funny" he laughed.

"wanna go sit on the couch?" I asked him as I stood up stretching my body 'those stools hurt.' carmen nodded and walked behind her they both plopped down on the couch and just sat there again in silence to take in each other's presence "legs?" carmen looked at me "legs." I nodded and put my legs in his lap like how we did when we were just high school students, we always said it like that "I really fucking missed you carmy" she admitted to him he only nodded his head in agreement "why did we even stop talking?" carmen asked his eyes staring holes through me "you blew up at me the week before I was supposed to leave for New York..so I just thought that the end" I admitted to him 'why the fuck am I telling him everything' "I didn't mean to. I was just-" he gave up on his sentenced and just sighed "it's fine. We're over that now, right?" I asked him softly putting a comforting hand on his should "right." he nodded.

"My mom asked about you." I told him as I traced little shapes onto his skin "she did? what did she say?" he asked his head back on the couch, his eyes closed in a relaxed manner "Just the usual like 'what happened to carmen?' and 'where's carmen?' " I told him giggling at my mom's nosiness he laughed, as he laughed, I just stared at him.

I kind of forgot how..pretty he was in a weird way, like he was pretty but in a manly sense and handsome in a chaotic way his hair crazy his eyes stared holes through my soul when he would look at me his random tattoos the littered his skin his chaotic-ness never failed to calm me at the worst moments even when he made me cry I could never blame him.

"weird question." i said he opened one eye and looked at me "yeah?" he waited for me to ask "can i uh..kiss you? sorry if thats weird" i blurted out quietly making sure I didn't wake up vierra "no its not weird. And uh yeah" his head lifted from the couch as my hand held his cheek his eyes closed for a second as if he was embracing the feeling of my skin on his all over again I leaned in our foreheads just touching the tips of our noses brushing against each other with each breath, his nose and skin were always cold 'just kiss' I listened to the small voice in my head and kissed him and the feeling was intensified by a thousand.

I never knew it was possible to miss a person this much as I missed how his lips felt on mine. When we were in high school we only ever kissed once as a joke but this time was, weirdly real and love filled I guess I just knew I did want it to end My hands ran through his hair "fuck" he murmured softly into my mouth this wasn't how I planned to spend my first week back in Chicago at all but his chaotic-ness always went with my straight forward plans which was why we were such good friends in high school but instead I was the chaotic one and he was the straight forward planned one 'the roles always switch with him'.

His tongue wrapped my very own making my body quiver his hands held my back as he softly pushed me down onto my light pink sofa he didn't break the kiss as he got onto the sofa more his arms now on both sides of my head, he softly grabbed my legs and put them on his waist as a sign for me to wrap them around his waist he softly pulled away "is this okay?" he asked me his forehead still against mine I nodded he kissed me a few more times before going to my neck kissing and biting at the brown flesh making me cover my mouth so I could keep quiet 'you went 2 years without sex by the way' the same small voice reminded me in my head, he lifted my shirt up and began to kiss my stomach making my eyes flutter "god save me." I muttered under my breath as he looked up at me as if he wanted approval.

My hands grabbed at his hair his kisses got slower and lower then by bedroom door sung open "have you guys-" Vierra stopped in the door way making carmen sit up and pull my shirt down "oh uh fuck my bad" Vierra awkwardly turned around and went back into my room "well fuck." carmen groaned and rubbed his face "I should get going" he stood up and grabbed his phone and keys "alright" I stood up with him and opened the door, before he walked out he kind of just stopped "I missed you too" he said in a quiet voice "I know you did." I said sarcastically making him roll his eyes before he walked out of the door, he hugged me. Giving me the biggest bear hug ever and he smelled great "see you later Josephine" he let go of me "see you later carmy and text me when you get home okay?" he smiled and nodded and before I knew it, he was in the elevator on his was down to the lobby. I closed my door and locked it.

And there he was again, already back in my life changing the course of everything once again.