Thoughtsandfeels326 - Thoughts And Feelings About Everything

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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“There comes a day when you realise turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realise there’s so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.”

— Zayn Malik

Learning More About Myself

Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is that someone can mean the whole world to you, but you will never be that important to that person.

So, I am a Cancer, an aquatic star sign. We are known for being caring, to the extent of motherly. My emotions are also heightened. When I feel things, I feel them to the extreme. I also get attached to people really easily and crushes don't really feel like crushes, they feel like a messed up form of love. Unfortunately I also feel things like hate, anger, disappointment and depression to the extremes. That's why, if someone is important to me, I try to put them at the top of my list. I will do almost anything for them.

This is what makes things difficult. I will put people first in my life, do anything to help them and avoid fighting with them, but when I was younger, sometimes this wouldn't work, and I would get angry and sometimes, thankfully not a lot of times, this would turn into a small fit of violence. I say small because it would be a storm out with a slamming door or one punch, or a slap and then it's done.

I kind of feel like this turned into calamitous relationships as I grew up. I would have friends that would end up leaving me or kicking me out of their groups in high school because I was either too shy or too loud. My relationship with my family was worsening as I started to fall into a depressive state. Things with friends in school started to feel so uncertain all the time and to make it worse, I had had my heart broken for the first time by some douchebag I knew and had a crush on in primary school. He knew this and in high school took advantage of it. He told me he wanted to be my boyfriend, but we only ever had an online relationship. (I went to an all girls high school) So I never considered it my first real relationship or him as my first real boyfriend. We "broke up" because he hated that he never saw me. About a month or so later he wanted to try again, but the very next day told me his ex-girlfriend wanted him back and dumped me.

This started a long journey of depression, self harm and an extensive search for affection from the male species. I guess that search started a long time ago though. I mean, I spoke a lot about how my dad kind of isolated himself from me and stuff...

So you can say I kind of have parent issues. I never really had a mom. I mean I only knew her for about nine years of my life. She was rock for those nine years. After she passed on, my sister tried to be the mother figure in my life. When my dad isolated himself from us, my brother was there to fill the gap. My brother and sister are also a lot older than me. 11 years and 7 years respectively. This helped the process as they were old enough to take me to doctors and fill out the paperwork or sign my homework books and write me sick notes. They would drive me wherever I needed to go and buy me whatever I needed. They were pretty much my parents for most of my childhood and teenage life. Without them I have no idea where I would be right now.

It was hard, I didn't have a mom. I had a dad who who gave up on being my dad and then a brother and a sister who tried their best to fill the gap... But I think things were also harder because I didn't really know how to talk to people about things. I still don't know how to talk to people about things. Even though I trust tons of people, I constantly feel like if I tell them things, they'll give up on me or judge me. It's too hard and it feels too risky.

There are things about myself that I am certain about:

1. I find it very hard to tell people anything.

2. I hate relying on other people and asking for favours (Unless they are my family), sometimes I'm even to shy to ask someone for directions in a mall...

3. I get attached to people really easily. This also means I am hurt by people easily.

4. I struggle to understand my place in people's lives. When someone is really important to me, I make sure they are happy. But then I also assume that I am important to them and expect to be treated as I treat them. Obviously other people won't... Also, just because they are important to me does not meaan I am important to them.

5. I feel things really deeply.

Reblog if you're a girl and you love professional wrestling.

Here’s a fun game. It seems like every time I glance at a wrestling blog and scroll a few times to see if I want to follow them, I either see the person who runs the blog say, or they’re reblogging someone else saying that girls don’t actually like pro wrestling.

Like, what does it mean to actually like pro wrestling? If a girl watches Raw and SmackDown, goes to shows (WWE, TNA, ROH, indie, etc.), posts on the internet about it, wears wrestling merchandise, but finds Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns or whoever else to be attractive, they don’t actually like wrestling? I mean, I find Paige, A.J., Alicia Fox, and several other Divas to be attractive, but I doubt anyone would argue that I actually like wrestling. That’s what it means to be a dude, other dudes just say, “yeah, man, you probably do like wrestling”. Meanwhile, I know a lot of girls who love pro wrestling, a lot of them even more than the guys I know, which is why I’m asking everyone to reblog this and spread some awareness:

Girls actually like pro wrestling. They love it. It’s awesome, and they’re going to love it because it’s fucking cool.

Advanced English Adjectives

Garrulous - excessively talkative

Sententious - given to moralizing in a pompous or affected manner

Pertinacious - holding firmly to an opinion or a course of action

Propitious - giving or indicating a good chance of succeess, favorable

Captious - (of a person) tending to find fault or raise petty objections

Exiguous - very small in size or amount

Contumacious - (especially of a defendant’s behavior) stubbornly or willfully disobedient to authority

Perspicacious - having a ready insight into an understanding of things.

Scurrilous - making or spreading scandalous claims about someone with intention of damaging their reputation

Sumptuous - splendid and expensive-looking

Pervicacious - very obstinate or stubborn

Temerarious - reckless, rash

Sagacious - having or showing keen mental discernment and good judgement

Magnanimous - generous or forgiving, especially to a rival or less powerful person

I hate when you try everything to save a friendship, but the other person isn’t making an effort and you feel so horrible, fooling yourself, saying “I’ll give them one more chance maybe they’ll come around” but then one day you realize this has gone on for too long and there’s only one thing left to do. It’s to say fuck it, and move on with your life.

Rollins takes pride in indie origin, eyes Lesnar, Styles bouts (Inquirer.Net) Looking back, Seth Rollins could only laugh seeing how far he and his fellow independent wrestlers have gone in their careers.

Selling out smaller venues in the past, this batch from the indies have solidified themselves as surefire crowd drawers and emerged as the cornerstones in today’s WWE programming.

“I think it took the WWE a while to recognize that the indies produce a better talent. It’s the experience, knowing that you have to make things on your own, going to places, and wrestling all over the world, which makes us stand out,” the Architect told INQUIRER.net.

“Obviously, the WWE developmental circuit produces its own set of talent, but the thing is you just learn one style there. Nothing compares to the experience you gain from the indies, knowing the different styles around the world, and you see that with the current talent, with AJ Styles, Finn Balor, Dean Ambrose, Samoa Joe. The landscape has really changed and it’s good to see guys who have been grinding for 10 to 12 years in the indies to where they are right now.”

Rollins also admitted that this shift in mentality has made him appreciate his current program with Samoa Joe more, knowing that guys like them who made their names in numerous independent promotions somehow find themselves at a crossroads anew, this time with the WWE.

“Joe is incredible and it’s always good to have a program with someone you’ve known for a long time,” he said. “To be honest, I took a wrestling camp with Joe when I was still 17 years old. It’s a time before I even started having things to do with wrestling and it’s nice to know that after a long time, we’re in a position where we are right now. It’s a good feather in the cap recounting that we had that bond even before we started in the business.”

However, despite their deep connection with their backgrounds, Rollins made it clear that there’s a reason why he is “The Man,” and he wants to prove it, expressing his desire to get his shot at the Universal Champion Brock Lesnar soon.

“Truth be told, we’re all biding time. Me, Joe, Roman (Reigns), Braun (Strowman), Dean,” he said, rattling off names of possible challengers to Raw’s flagship title.

Rollins will have a chance to get closer in getting that crack as he was named as a part of the number one contender’s fatal-5-way match at Extreme Rules, where he will face off against Joe, Balor, Reigns, and Bray Wyatt.

The Kingslayer also didn’t shy away from calling out the Beast Incarnate, saying, “With Brock, it’s a double-edged sword. Obviously, Brock brings prestige to the title, but he’s not here often. Brock is a selfish individual and he works in his own realm, in his own schedule. He shows up when he wants to, so we all work in Brock’s schedule.

”Exuding confidence, there’s no doubt in Rollins’ mind who will come out on top once he gets his chance at Lesnar.

“I think I’ll be able to handle him and come out on top, as otherworldly as that sounds. Yeah, I think I’ll definitely come out on top,” he said.

But if that opportunity doesn’t come sooner or later, Rollins has one opponent in mind that he wants to face off against.

“AJ Styles,” he quipped. “We haven’t had a match in 10 years and it will be very interesting to have a match with him, hopefully, that happens soon. The brand split has kind of threw a wrench on us, but hopefully, soon.”

I don’t know if you ever loved me. I don’t know if the late night drives and hands held meant anything to you. But I like to think they did. I like to think that a tiny smile formed on your face when you imagined the way we laughed together. I like to believe that whenever you felt sad and alone, I was the one who made you feel whole again. Because that’s what you did for me. Without ever knowing it you were making my life better. So even if you never loved me like I loved you, I hope that I still made your life better too.

(via ifthenightcouldtalk)

Epiphi-tree

Okay yes, I know it's a silly joke from the Simpsons and it's kinda bad because this post is actually about something pretty important, but I couldn't resist a Simpsons joke...

So today I realised just how bad my generation is, well not bad, just they kinda live in a bubble. I was born in 1997, this makes me 20 turning 21 this year and part of the "Generation Z / Post Millinals" generation.

A bit of a background on Gen Z. So Generation Z are the first generation to be born into technology. Meaning that unless the Gen Z member was born before 2000 they probably don't know what a floppy disk or VHS is. Basically they are the first generation to not know a life without technology. Generation Z are also, according to research, very health conscious. So they hardly drink or smoke. They eat healthier and go to gym (just research. I don't know anyone my age like this though). Apparently some countries even have non-alcholic gin bars, to cater to generation z.

For me, life was kinda different to what I researched above. I played outside wearing my dumb fairy/butterfly wings. I would sit and do puzzles or colour and draw when I was bored. I read tons of books and my cartoons were all recorded on VHS tapes so I could watch them over the weekend.

The only cartoons I watched on actual tv were at 5pm. This was usually Winx Club, Yu-Gi-Oh or Dragonball Z. Pokemon if I was lucky. I often had to choose between channels. My family received our first dvd player when I was nine, it was a prize my dad won calling into our local radio station. My favourite dvd was actually the first one we bought. The Little Mermaid.

When I was 12, I received my first cellphone, more like took my brother's old one and found a random sim card in it. It was one of those old Motorola flip phones with a radio as a special feature. Yeah. They promoted the radio as a feature on the phone. For a long time I didn't know how it worked or what I could do with it and the only messages I received were from the service provider. I would record my favourite songs off the tv or radio to play them off the phone while I was in the garden or in my room or the kitchen.

When I was 14, my sister's boyfriend at the time introduced my family to the internet and wifi. Teenage me was hooked. We had a 5mb line, which at the time was incredible. And my sister had a laptop which she constantly left at home, so I could use it. I spent days on youtube and using google for anything and everything.

Okay. I got a little sidetracked on memory lane. So the point is that I feel like it is time for Gen Z to put down the devices and stand up straight. Learn more about the world around you. I am a apart of the first few members to be entering the workplace soon. It is said in articles that employers feel like generation z is lazy and entitled. It's time we learnt more about our environment and how things like tax and politics affect us. Don't be afraid to read about news that isn't celeb gossip. Go a day or two without looking at your phone. Read a book and actually turn the paper pages. Talk a walk and look at what is around you.

I'm saying these things because I noticed that when I hear people on my campus talk, the words constantly used are "I" and "me". "What does this have to do with me?" "Why must I do this?"

Unfortunately as a young adult, many things now have to do with you or us. Life isn't about which celeb just had a kid or what the cute guy in class did anymore. Things like voting for government parties now affect us. Changes in minimal wage and tax or vat now affect us. Our actions also now affect more than just us. When working for a company one day if a mistake is made, everyone involved in that project or function is blamed and has to fix it.

It's time to realise that things in the world can affect us. Working hard is a real thing and needs to be done. Things won't just be handed to you in the world. It's time to see that we can actually affect the world with our actions. Whether it's a small change or a big change our actions can affect it.

It's time to pop the self centered bubble and walk into the real world...