Latest Posts by soil-just-needs-water-to-be - Page 7

I think imma post a few fave pics of my Husband (George Daniel 😂)

❤️❤️❤️❤️ The Amount of Love I Have for This Man is Unreal

Thanks @decline-in-standards for tagging me to do this

It’s probably supposed to be different artists but my rage isn’t very big so imma do it this way 😂

S - Spinning / Charlie XCX ft The 1975

O- Oh Caroline/ The 1975

I- Impossible Year / Panic At The Disco

L - LA Devotee / Panic At The Disco

J- Jets Skis on the Moat / Arctic Monkeys

U- UGH! / The 1975

S- Snap Out Of It / Arctic Monkeys

T- The Factory Gates / The Kaiser Chiefs

N- Narcissist / No Rome ft The 1975

E - Evermore / Taylor Swift

E- Everytime We Touch / cascada

D - Don’t Worry / The 1975

S- Say Amen - Panic At the Disco

W- Wilson / Fall Out Boy

A - ABC Cafe / Red and Black - Les Miserable

T- Tranny Chaser / Ru Paul

E- Electric Love / BÓRNS

R - Ruffians on Parade / The Kaiser Chiefs

T - The City / The 1975

O - Ophelia/ The Lumineers

B- Bagsy Not In Net / The 1975

E - Everything You Are - Ed Sheeran

This is cute ❤️

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is there going to be a chapter 29? :))

Yes I’m writing it , it’s just really not flowing right now 😂 , I thought I would get a lot up this week since I’m on holiday but I really couldn’t get it to flow but I’m trying to get there with I’m sorry for any inconvenience or for those who are really enjoying it ,

But I promise I’ll get it up soon x

I’m going to get a few one shots up this week aswell hopefully and starting a new series aswell, if there’s anything you’d like me to write just give me a shout !!!

I don’t feel grown up enough at my big age (23 ) to be going to an Embassy to be picking something up this isn’t funny

This is so people get to know me a little

1. are you named after anyone?- I mean kinda but also no , there’s this one YouTuber who I was obsessed with when I was picking my name so I kinda used his first name

2. when was the last time you cried?- yesterday while watching the Finsbury live stream when Tim Healy came out and sang

3. do you have kids?- don’t have any right now but I’d love to one day

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?- all the fuckin time apparently

5. what sports do you play/have played?- I used to play football for my school , I used to be in a basketball team when I was in primary school but I don’t really do sports anymore

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?- there hair or smile , but also love to look at peoples shoes because shoes tell a lot about people

7. what's your eye color?- Blue - and they get a little brighter when I cry it scares people sometimes

8. scary movies or happy endings?- I don’t really have a preference I love all movies I’m a little movie buff ig

9. any special talents?- not specifically, maybe I pick up languages quick

10. where were you born?- Scotland

11. what are your hobbies?- skating , writing and listening to music , my favourite thing is to write , I’m not very good at it but I looooove it none the less

12. do you have any pets?- IVE got a little kitten named Count Olaf after Count Olaf from A series of unfortunate events

13. how tall are you?- I want to say 5’8 but I haven’t checked in a while

14. favorite subject?- omg I love history and English and any language class like omgl I hated school but when I had history English it languages fuck me uppppp

15. dream job?- either An author or a drummer in a band/ producer because George Daniel is my favourite human on this planet and I wanna be like him sooo much

Any other lives cuz the guy I was using had to go ?!!!

The fact no one is singing is UPSETTING ME

I swear my dad had the United tattoo aswell ❤️

[x]

His hands are my favourite thing on this whole entire planet

♥

nine people you’d like to get to know better

tagged by: @justanamesstuff

last song: currently listening to Undo (The 1975 )

currently watching: I’m trying to watch Transatlantic but also I’m also rewatching Queer as Folk

current obsession: That’s Easily George Daniel 😂❤️

currently reading: I don’t read much I started reading the first Percy Jackson book months ago and still haven’t finished but I really just Read MattyxGeorge Fanfics

tagging: @throughthepostmodernlens @puffpasstea @medeas-chariot

I don’t really know nine people but hey ho

Oky just cuz I was having this convo with my friends the other day they were all telling me what songs they’d have sex too and my brain immediately went to which 75 song would I fuck too

Obvs UGH! Or pAris but Wbu

Tell me this ain’t same ❤️❤️❤️

Oki I just HAD AN AMAZING idea for a one shot (maybe more idk yet) , but I need to go over it with someone first to make sure it’s not weird or out of context

Someone wanna chat about it !?!

Chapter 28

Word count : 1k

I’m sorry that is so short but this is a smutty chapter and I’m not very good at writing smut I can read it all the time but I’ve never written it before I’m sorry if it’s not that good but here it is

So warning is smut and swearing ig

Mattys POV

“Now Matty , if your wearing a shirt , take it off for me and take a picture and send it to me” , so I did I pulled my shift off over my head and throw it down next to me on the bed , I momentarily take my phone away from my ear and take a picture of myself chest exposed and my hand splayed across it , after I send it off to George. “Wow your so beautiful Matty honestly”

“Thank darlin, how about you send me something too ?, I need to see you too” , with the anticipation of it can myself hardening in my jeans and I loosen my button on my jeans just so there easier to take off later and slide my hand over my body a few times, I message comes through not to long after and it’s from George again in pretty much the same layout as me laying with his chest exposed seeing the picture makes me whine a little “fuck your so pretty George” , at this I decide to put my phone on speaker and lay it next to me so I have both hands free. “Put your phone on speaker darlin it’ll be easier for you”

“I have , my love don’t worry, now how are you feeling , are you sure you wanna do this?”

“George darlin , I love that your asking but seriously, I really just need to do this”, I begin to push my jeans down my thighs stopping at my knees, and my hands travel back up to my boxers “Can I touch myself”

“Go ahead my love but tell me how you’d like me to do it if it where me okay?”

“I can do that” , I then bring my hand down , sliding it down my body till I get to my waist band and pull my boxers down too “first off I’d just ask you to tease a little bit I guess, just wind me up apparently which is weird I suppose” , my hand travels to wraps itself around me and I start to slowly rub myself as I describe what I’d like George to do “then uh then I’d ask you to actually touch me because a man can’t hold off forever can they” , I hear a small gasp from his side and it drives me a little crazy and I let out a sigh of content as I continue

“Then what my love”, he’s a little breathy already and it’s really setting me off. Little moans and sighs from his end up making my hand go faster and I moan a few times myself embarrassingly high may I add.

“Then em …maybe I’d start slowly undressing you while your touching me , then I’d wrap my hands around you too so not to be selfish ay , cuz I’d wanna see it too”

“Would you like to see it again ??”

“God yeh” , I have to see him all of him honestly I don’t know what I’d do if he was just here in front of me I’d turn into such a fucking horny 15 year old boy that I don’t look like that right now but Jesus “can I please?”

“How would you like to see it love”

“Can we switch to face time”, I feel myself unravelling at the thought of just seeing him all layed out pleasuring himself infront of me. “Only if you want too of course”

“Shit….yeh I want too” , my screen suddenly pops up as a FaceTime and I accept it and try to set it up so he can see me fully and seeing his face even in this situation just makes me smile “heya love I missed your face”

“Me too darlin me too” my hand stilled for a second so I could just look at him and admire him “your so fuckin handsome George seriously”

“Ahhh…no…nghhh…that’s you” , I can see he’s still going to my hand goes back to what it was doing and I start pumping myself faster as I watch him and I start speaking to him better this feels better

“What would you like me do argh… to you …shit …right now” , I can see him thinking off what he’d like to do and his eyes roll into the back of his head and his back rises of the bed as he groans which in turn makes me moan again.

“Jesus fuck Matty…I really…oh uh…I really wan t you too ….nghh…suck me off” , that was it for both us I could feel the not in my stomach start to pull and I was about to cum

“George I’m gunna…arghh…cum …tell me I can…let me cum” , I try to hold off until he says I can because I like when I get permission and the praise afterwards from being good is just amazing.

“Go ahead love let me see you let go”, and that’s when I release all over my hand and my stomach and at the moment I can hear him let out a stomach churning moans and I just catch him as he do releases all over himself. I’m sweating and my breathing is ragged , he looks just as fucked out as I am. We both take some time to come back to reality just breathing with each other. “That was…that was amazing oh my god “

“You can say that again , gimmie a second I’m just going to clean up”

“Me too”

We both chuckle a little as we go to clean up, I dampen a cloth and wipe myself clean of everything and smile to myself that was great. I haven’t been with someone in a while but even that beats anything I’ve done with anyone. That just felt different. I make my way back to my room as I redress pulling up jeans and putting my shift back in that I’d dropped in the bed and get myself comfy back in the bed and wait for George, he comes back not to long after he too is also dressed and his hair is tied up again and he looks so precious “Hey there handsome”

“Hi , can I say that was the best thing I’ve ever done”

Why is my bf only just finding out that Jim Parsons is Gay I’m so very confused 😳😳😳😳

This video is so funny to me , other than Matty anytime I show my friends any pictures of the boys she’s always like IS THAT GEORGE cuz I speak about him all the time and I think it’s so funny so I had to do this

@justanamesstuff

I know I haven’t really said it but I feel the need to because it’s like 9am , havent sleep properly in like a good few weeks and I am having a minute visit it BUT I really appreciate everyone who is reading my fanfiction, wether it’s something you like or not I appreciate it ALOT it takes me so long to get my ideas on to paper and I’ve never been one that’s very confident in showing my writing to other people so anyone who take even a few minutes out of there day to give notes on and talk to me about it , I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH and I genuinely can’t wait to get more out for you guys , and yeh omg I’m aware that it’s so long and just going to get longer and I’m so sorry but yeh thanks

Special shout out too @justanamesstuff , @got-zofran , @medeas-chariot and @puffpasstea (I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH ❤️)

What is this 3 chapter in the space of a few days I haven’t done that in a while

Chapter 27

Word count :3169

Mentions: em thinking about it the mentions for this one would have to be , mention of drugs and addiction , coming out , inclination of suicidal tendencies and inclination to smut

Also a Cliff hanger

3 days later.....

Mattys POV

I stayed at Ross' for the weekend, so he could keep an eye on me, he said that's not what he was doing but I couldn't help but notice the side glances every-time I got a little jumpy or how he'd freak out if I was out of his eye sight for longer than five minutes. Despite being under close watch I enjoyed being here. I feel like I've eaten enough food to sustain me for like the next two years. Slept a lot and just basically chilled out. Ross hadn’t let me have a joint just incase and I'm totally itching for one at this point, Ross met George, we've all stayed up playing FIFA and GTA , Ross thinks he's quite great to be honest. I haven't really had time alone with George to speak to him alone to tell him what happened but I will when I go home. Ross' mum said that she'd told Denise some of what had happened over the last few days but I spoke with her and told her that I'd tell my mum myself about all of it. Which is we're we start I'm waiting for my mum to come and pick me up because as much as I love being here , Ross needs to actually get some sleep as we've got last week of school to finish then we're on Study leave and he's been awake the whole weekend keeping an eye on me. I'm sat with Ross in his doorstep just having a cigarette waiting for my mum to pull up.

"I'm shitting it Ross, how's she going to react?" , the smoke of the cigarettes is floating around us making Ross look like a damn god sent to save me.

"I think it's your dad you have to worry about mate , you're your dads boy" , that sends a small shiver down my back because he's right, I hate upsetting my dad. My dads my best friend honestly and I hate letting him down.

"Don't...I can't tell him"

"It'll be okay man trust me they love you and they'll help you so much you know that", We both spot my mum coming down the road, we drop our cigarettes on the floor and stamp on them as we stand up and Ross tackles me into a hug "I love you bro, don't think about it to much okay , just be honest they'll understand"

I hug him back tightly and whisper into her ear "love you too man" , I say goodbye again and then jump into my Mums car as she waves to Ross and drives away, I start to feel immediately anxious as I get comfortable in the seat and strap myself in "hiya ma"

"Hiya love , did you have a good time?"

"Yup", I can already sense it's going to be an awkward conversation to have, I know Ross' mum told my Mum that I'd need to talk to her.

"Sooo , what's going on with you then love , Lisa said you'd need to talk"

"Mhm", my hand flies straight to my hair wracking my hand through it like always when I'm nervous, trying to find the right words to help me through this. "Where do you want me to start"

The car ride back from Ross' really didn't take much time since he's just down the road so we're already at ours sitting in the drive way, My mums looking at me but I can't really tell how she's feeling so in turn I can't really gauge what she's going to say which makes me kind of uneasy "maybe first off, how did you end up at Ross' and not back home like you said"

She didn't ask like she was annoyed but I still feel bad for not coming home like I said I would. "I really did plan on coming home , but then I just figured I needed Ross, he would be my best port of call in the moment"

"I thought you were just going on a walk to clear your head Matthew" , I really don't want to tell her everything is going to go to shit and I'm scared but maybe just , maybe, it'll make everything better if I do. But my hands are twitchy again and I'm nervous. Ross telling me "to just be honest" is running through my head on repeat.

"I need to be honest here, eh...I did go for a walk ...but um...it was for unlterior motives" , I take a moment to breath through and get myself together so I don't cry AGAIN , Jesus so much crying "I ....I...I went to get um ...went to get high"

"You smoke all the time Matthew , why did you have to leave for that , we know about that"

"Not that mum, I wish it was just that....but it wasn't just smokes, I think I have a drug problem" , I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes teetering on the edge of falling onto my face but I blink a few times to stop them. " I uh , I'm scared Mum , it's like I'm stood at the edge of a cliff and there's nothing there pulling me back to sanity until someone gives me something, I know it's bad but I'll take anything anyone gives me. It keeps me sane for a while until it dies and I slowly just feel the edge calling me back and i can't run from my thoughts and I'm not the person I want to be again, I swear I didn't mean for it to get this bad but it's just destroying me....." before I can finish my rant my mum is pulling me into a tight hug mumbling into my shoulder that's "she's going to get me help" and "that she wished she'd known sooner" and "that she's sorry" , the tears that I was holding start falling and I can't stop them and I hug her back. "You don't have to be sorry Mum , you did nothing wrong, Im scared and everything just sucks"

"Matthew love why didn't you tell anyone before , how do you feel , like really feel before you feel like you need to use again, try to be as honest as you can because this is very important and very serious"

"I can't tell you that Mum , I don't want to upset you" , I pull her closer to me to let her know that I'm not going anywhere and that I love her but I can't be that honest just yet.

"I'll never be angry at you love , you know that no matter what you tell me"

"I can't Mum , I wish I could but I can't, I just need help to feel better , feel sane, I don't wanna become that friend of a friend that people once knew you knew" , we were both just sobbing messes in the car but I really needed to tell her what happened last night so I can at least be prepared enough to tell George "but uh last night , I went out and got some stuff from a guy I know , we smoked and drank a little and we had some other stuff, but I think I took to much or something I'm not sure but...I had like a bad reaction to it I think....everything hurt and I had a really bad panic attack and I called Ross so I wasn't alone....I thought my brain was going to explode...I was so scared"

"Why didn’t you call me or your dad?"

"I thought you'd be angry at me and I couldn't deal with that in the moment , Ross helped and looked after me, I would have came home the next day but he really wanted to keep an eye on me"

"We'll I'll be keeping a closer eye on your from now on and I think, don't take this as me being angry at you but I will be grounding you but while we're home I would very much appreciate it if you talk to me more and tell me exactly what's going on in that overactive brain of yours alright"

"Yes Mum, I need to go lie down though my heads killing me still, We might need to get that seen to because I've had a headache for like a week now and it's not subsiding"

"We can get it checked for now just go in get some water and watch something on the TV, does that sound okay?" , we both get out of the car as my mum goes to the living room to set up the tv, I make my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water and at this I finally text George from my phone rather than through Ross or while playing games

Matty: hiya darlin , I know we've spoken a lot through Ross this weekend and I'm so sorry about that but I'm home now , I miss you loads though

Then make my way back down to sit on the sofa next to my mum "what we watching"

"Whatever you'd like love"

"Uh lord of the rings maybe" ,  I'm a massive nerd, I would never tell someone that I like this film on purpose but it really does bring me comfort.

"Alrighty", she sticks it on and we snuggle up to each other , as we're watching I feel like right now might be a good time to give my mum some good news about me rather than all the mess she's had to deal with over the past few days so I might just tell her about George

"Hey mum , can I tell you something, it's good don't worry" , she pulls me closer to her and we cuddle up on the sofa and I can feel her slightly nodding against my head. "I'm talking to someone, and there so lovely , they make me feel good and calm me down, and there so gorgeous, I also know that I shouldn't be with someone just cuz they make me feel good but I think I really like them and I'm really interested in them", I pause for a moment because I know my mum and I can sense when she's going to say something.

"Any reason we are avoiding name or pronouns ??" , I know she won't mind that hes a male because my grandad is a drag queen and all my family are very close with LGBT People. "Do they happen to be a boy by any chance love ?"

"They might be ", saying it out loud makes me smile and the hairs on my neck stand up and it gives me goosebumps. "Actually yes, he's a boy and his names George and I really really like him, he's so

handsome"

"I've never heard of a George before, what does he look like love ?", I pull out my phone as I search through my phone to find the picture I got of him while we were on call and when I find it I give her my phone to look. "He is very handsome love? , does he go to your school"

I shake my head a little "nah he lives in London , I met him on my game, and he's really helping me through some stuff , please don't go all mum on me though, I get your concern about meeting people online but I really trust him okay ?"

"That's okay love it's okay, if you trust him , I trust your decision, how old is he"

"He's 16, he's in year ten , so I'd assume he's nearly 17 but I'm not sure but that's okay right , I'm not 18 myself yet but it should be alright , right ?"

"It's alright my love, more than alright , he should come visit in the summer if you'd like ?" , this made me sit up right and look directly at my mum , my mouth slightly agape.

"Really?, would that be okay?"

"If you'd like that then of course he can"

"Oh my god thank you so much Mum , your the best" , I pull her into another tight hug and then we both get caught up in the film.

It was around 3 o'clock when the first film had finished, my mum got up and asked if I wanted anything to eat , I wasn't the hungry as I said earlier I feel like I'd eaten enough at Ross' that could last a century but I have to try so I asked for some soup while my mum was preparing lunch I pulled my phone out again

George: Hi love , it's okay you don't have to worry , Ross is a sound lad and he's your friend I'm glad he looks out for you , I miss you so damn much, how are you doing today though xx

Matty: I'm not doing too bad I think , Mums making lunch also you'll never guess what xx

George : that's amazing we'll done

George : what love ???

Matty: I told Mum about you and she said you can visit in the summer if you'd like? Would you like that?

George: omg no way , of course I'd love that.

I then got a Snapchat message through it's a picture of George and by Christ was I not ready for it, he's fresh out of the shower , just a picture of him in underwear water drops still adorning his chest and shoulder , he's so fit omg. I send him a text back

Matty : I'm going to be sat with my mum all day you can't be sending me that right now 🥵

George : whoops sorry 😉 , can't say you didn't like it though ay

Matty: you know I did, you know I like it when you get all flirty like that 😉

George: you gunna make me stop?

With that my mum enters the room and stops at the door slightly chuckling at me "what?"

"Is that him by any chance"

"How could you tell?"

"You face is the colour of a cherry and your nearly splitting your face in half with that smile"

"Oh , yeh that's him" , I chuckle a bit and turn my phone faced down on the sofa as she hands me the bowl full of chicken soup and I tuck in as we get the next film set up, just an afternoon of lord of the rings  and good company that's all I need.

"So, I was thinking I’ll book an appointment for Dr Adrian tomorrow and we can tell him about EVERYTHING and then we can see what he says yeh ?”

“So long as I don’t have to go to some stupid like , I don’t know rehab then yeh we can do that”

“He’ll just give us some advice on how to help you stop and we can get some general advice on how to help you , in anything not just the drugs my love and we can see where to go from there”

“Okay , can I go to my room after this is finished , I’m okay right now I promise, I just have to get some studying done”

“After this I’m sure that’ll be fine”

3 hours later the film was done the soup was discarded, I’d eaten most of it but it got cold so I couldn’t finish it , I’d gone to the bathroom as well and now I’m upstairs in my room looking over my history work while messaging George

Matty: nope I’d never ask you too stop that would just be crazy

George: that’s my boy, did you like what you saw then??

Matty: I very much did yes

George: what exactly did you like about it huh?

Flirty George was new for me and I found my self really liking it and it made me adjust myself in my seat because I suddenly felt really warm

Matty: I don’t know specifically, your just fit int’ ya

George: fit am I! , says you , what would you do if I was there right now

Matty : what’s gotten into you and what have you done with baby George 😂😂

Matty : also I don’t think you’d wanna know what I’d do

I got up from my seat and closed my door over making sure it was properly closed and flop down on my bed because I can feel this conversation taking a very sudden turn

George : Oh I would love to know , I really would, that’s why I asked

Matty: we’ll I guess you’ll never know cuz I ain’t saying.

The minute I see that George has seen the message the caller icon appears on my screen and he’s calling me so I swipe to answer and bring the phone to my ear, smiling.

“Nah man you can’t leave me like that” , he sounds a little flustered but I can tell he’s happy. Even at the sound of his voice I am immediately happy too.

“Hello to you too”

“Hi , but no seriously I wanna know what you’d do”, he chuckling a little on his end and it makes my heart melt

“Like the serious answer or the jokey one”

“Serious if your willing”

“We’ll first thing I’d do if you where here right at this minute is probably cry because you know what I’m like”, we both laugh at that because it’s honestly quite funny. “And then I’d kiss you, and I’d then ask you if it was to take your shirt off cuz I just have to see the body of yours and I’d then probably spend like ten minutes just admitting you , leaving marks on you so everyone knows your mine and yeh”

“Wow !, I’d very much into that, uh , what are you doing right now?”

“Why ?, is someone a little occupied ?”

“I just wanna …try something new…if it’s okay with you of course …I don’t wanna feel like a perv”

“Yeh?, what is it you’d like to try darlin”, I could just about tell where this was going and you know what I was so ready for it, I really wanted to do it, it might be a little weird for both of us but I’m nothing but eager.

“Uh…have you ever …ever uh…had phone sex or like done anything…while on the phone?”

“I can’t say I have no but there’s a first for everything”

“Would you like too….with me I mean?”

“Yes , I jolly well think I would”

“Jolly well , what are you 80?” , we both start laughing again because honestly sometimes with the words I use and people at school not understanding sometimes I feel like I am 80.

“Sorry go ahead, take it away?”

“Okay , are you lying down”, with that I lay down properly on my bed making sure I’m comfy and ready to start this .

“Yes I am , are you ?”, I can hear some rustling from his end but after a couple of seconds he then tells me that he is in fact also lying down .

SORRY CLIFF HANGER IM GOING TO PUT THE SMUT IN THE NEXT ONE !!!!!!

Chapter 26

Word count 2208

I think the only mentions for this one is maybe mentions of depression or inclination of it

THIS ONE IS WRITTEN FROM ROSS’ POV, AND I DONT KNOW HOW ITS GOING TO BE SO IF ITS BAD IM SORRY , I DONT RELALY KNOW ROSS BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT

Feedback is always welcome 🥰

Also thank you so much to all of you who are taking time out of your day to read this (I know there’s so many better fanfics out there , better written and all but ) I’m so thankful for those who are reading it

I also do blurbs as well if anyone has any ideas they might want to get to me

I feel like this might be a little trickier for me to write as I've never written anything from Ross'POV before so if this is terrible I'm so sorry .

Ross' POV

"What are we gunna do with you huh ?"

I felt Matty slightly shrug at my question as I slowly wrack my hands through his hair being careful but he still shock his head a little "please don't....it hurts" , he was shivering

"Are you cold?" , I felt him shake his head again at my question. "Do you need water?", again another shake if his head. This is going to be a long night. "What do you need mate?"

"George ...George doesn't...He was gunna call me tonight.can you...can you tell him that I might not be"

"Tell him on what" , I pull my phone out of my pocket being careful enough to try and not disturb Matty who was still resting on my lap

"Add his insta , bedforddanes75, just send him a message", so that I do , I add George but instead of waiting for the add back I send him a message straight away

Ross : Hey if this is the correct George , I'm Ross , Mattys best mate, I know you and Matty were supposed to call tonight but Matty isn't having the best of nights so he's with me , if you need anything please just gimme a shout and I'll see what I can do 😌

I then place my phone on the table beside me and turn my attention straight back to Matty "When was the last time you had a proper meal Matty ?", I'm scared to actually find out the answer at this point , I never realised how thin hed gotten until I was picking him up. He's so light

"Proper meal um .....I don't really know...I snack on stuff occasionally but ..I uh... I don't remember the last full meal I had"

"Right , I'm going to get you some food and water okay, can you stay ere for me?", I felt him shrug again against my leg. "What you trying to say mate?"

"Nothing, just not hungry but alright", I slowly removed him from my legs and tried to tuck him into the bed properly and made sure he was comfy enough. I snag my phone from the table beside him and give him a small peck on his temple "I love you mate"

"You too Rosso" ,

"Just shout if you need me okay"

"Mhm"

I make my way from the my room and quickly through to my mums just checking that there alright "you alright mum".

"I'm alright love, how's Matty doing?" , I slip into the room and close the door leaning against it. "I honestly have no idea at this point Mum"

"What's up with him like love?"

I scratch the back of my head really debating telling my mum about everything because I know she'll tell Denise but I've gotten to the point where I can't keep it together anymore and someone needs to tell Denise and Matty will never do it, so I slide down the door sat down next to it, something I've done since I was young always just sat at the door while I need to tell her something "He's on stuff Mum , like really deep in them and, I don't know if he knows how to stop, he was just messing around to begin with but it's gotten really bad, and it's not my place to tell Denise or Tim but someone needs to and I know he never will and I don't know how to help him anymore Mum but he really needs help."

"What stuff do you mean love, what's he taken"

"I don't know to the full extent because, I don't know how honest he is sometimes when it comes to it but, uh I think he's on coke and drinks a lot too, and weed , I mean I know I smoke weed but like all of it all the time it's just getting to much for him", I know I should trust him in what he tells me but he's just been so off lately and it's so difficult and everyone including himself is suffering and I just need to help him.

"And what do you mean by it just started off as messing around?, you haven't taken anything have you?"

"No I haven't myself , but I do know that uh Janey and Matty used to do stuff when they were just at parties and stuff but I never realised how bad it got for him, he never did it around anyone other than Janey or Corey I think"

"Do I know Corey?", my mum was sat up now on her phone probably about to contact Denise, because that's what mums do isn't it.

"No, I don't really know Corey myself he's a bit older than us but Matty met him at a party"

"Right , thank you my love, is there anything else that Denise would need to know?, anything else really?"

"I think she probably knows but he's really struggling at school , just having panic attacks all the time over the smallest things , but I think she knows that" , I rise up from my spot on the floor and quickly say goodbye to her as I feel like that might be the end of the conversation. Then make my way to the kitchen to make some food for him. Just some eggs on toast , protein might help. As well as a glass of water I make some tea for us both as well it'll calm him down. It takes about ten minutes to get everything ready. I load everything onto a tray and make my way back up to him, when I reach my room the first thing I notice is that Matty is somewhat quiet even in this state.

"Matty" , I push the door open and what I'm faced with is Matty fast asleep in my bed curled up into the blanket still fully clothed. I play the tray on the table next to my bed and just take myself over to the bed and sit next to him. I take out my phone again and see that I have a pending request and message from George.

George : oh hey Ross, thanks for telling me, what happened?

Ross: I don't really know what happened I didn't get the whole story, everything just kind of took a turn for the worst tonight.

George : what do you mean?? Is he okay? , is he awake can I see him?????

Ross: he's alright for now, he's asleep right now and I don't really want to wake him, I don't think he's stable right now

George: when he wakes up can you tell him I'm asking for him yeh ??

Ross: sure thing bro honestly , can I let you in on a little secret ??

George : sure

Ross: I think your gunna be really good for him , he ain't shut up about ya really and uh I think he really likes ya, but please don't hurt him

George : I'd never plan on hurting him, he’s really managed to crawl his way into my brain, I just hope he’s okay

Ross : I’ll keep an eye on him and keep you updated G

I place my phone back into my bedside table and carefully lay down properly and turn my tv on, putting on Simpson a just for background noise while I hold Matty through his tough time and just cradle his body on my arms occasionally telling him everything will be okay

After about another half an hour I can feel him storing in my arms so I release my grip a tiny bit “hey there you muppet”, He doesn’t move much but wraps his arms around me squeezing a little “are you okay?”

“My ead hurts Ross, like real bad”, he buries his head in the crook of my neck trying to hide from the light a little bit.

“Matty?”

“Mhm”

“What happened?, like really ?, can you be honest?” , as he’s leaning against me I can feel a tiny tremor coursing through his body

“I don’t think I can”

“Can’t what ?, tell me?”

“I don’t know what happened Ross I swear, I was fine then I wasn’t, that’s all there is too it”

“Can you at least tell me why you needed to do any of that stuff Matty?, like why did you feel the need to go out and get high again?”

“Everything is just so loud in my head, it’s like grey and cloudy , I see everything in greyscale basically, and I wanted to stop it like even for just a second, like you know when you wake up and like you can hear the birds chirping away and someone is cutting the grass down the road and there’s like sounds from people being busy round the house and it can be quite irritating when your trying to sleep well it’s like that in my head all the time, I can just hear everything, every annoying noise , everything buzzes or ticks , the static in the tv, the electricity running through everything and it’s annoys me so much makes it hard to concentrate and I just wanted to shut it up” , I can feel my shoulder start to get a little wet, indicating that Matty is crying again so I bring my arms around him properly again and hold him. “I just feel lost man….like everything is pushing me closer and closer to the edge everyday….some days I can cope with it ….but other days It just won’t go away”.

“But is nearly killing yourself the answer Matty!?”, I can’t imagine a world where Matty wasn’t in it, We’ve already lost one members of our little clique I don’t know if I’d cope with Matty gone too.

“I’m not gunna die Ross, I’ll be fine, I just don’t know how to deal with it sometimes, this is the only way I know” , Matty let’s go off me now, sits up and wipes his eyes harshly with the sleeve of his jacket. “I just want to feel like I’m not losing my mind”.

“Why can’t you tell people when things get to hard for you” , I adjust myself so I’m sat cross legged on the bed next to him looking at him, searching for any sign , literally anything that might tell me how he’s feeling.

“I try Rosso , but I just…I don’t know, I just feel like if I tell people they’ll try to stop me from doing what I need to do to feel better….and it’ll just make it worse” , Matty mirrors me my actions sat cross legged also but flings his jacket off and placed it in the space between us. “I’m so angry or upset all the time and I hate it , I just wanna be me again”

“You are you, you’ll always be Matty no matter how your feeling , your allowed to be angry , upset , stressed, but you don’t have to destroy yourself Mate, I know your finding stuff hard and I hate having to watch you go through it but I need you to know that your my best mate like ever and I can’t lose you” , we’re both crying now, I rarley cry but when it comes to serious stuff it makes me emotional and I know I’m going to lose it if this keeps happening. “You got some tea and food there can you try have some for me”

“Mhm”, I know he’s not going to have much of it and it’s gone cold but I need to see him eat even if it’s just for my own selfish reasons for my own peice of mind you know, he picks up the tray and starts picking away at the bread. “Ross ?”

“Yeh man”

“Did you tell George?, like what happened”

“No , I didn’t tell him what happened , you should do that , I just told him your having a bad night, and he was asking for you though , he seems like a good egg”

“He so is, would you mind if we called, he might cheer me up a little” , as he’s sipping on his tea I can tell that he’s still a little bit bouncy and I don’t know how to describe it maybe like scared , anxious is the word. “I mean not that your not doing a good job but like, I’d like for you to meet him too”

“Sure you can, but I need you to do one thing for me” , I want him to tell his mum what’s going on like fully , so we can all work on it together , help him through this bump in the road, get him the help he might need and we can get out Matty back.

“Yeh”

“Can you please tell your mum that your um ….I don’t know the word like … struggling with drugs”, he notice him out of the corner of my eye put his toast down as I say it. “Like I know it’ll be hard but she’s been where you are ….she might be a little better help than me and she’ll have better advice than me”

“Okay, but later okay”

Meet me at the record store - M.H x f!reader

A/N: based on this request. Scared to death about the man lurking here but i want this blurb out. Hope you like it guys! Healy stay away.

Word count: 0.8 K

She admired his side profile. Matty was wearing his black ray-ban’s, his curls in all display, trying to tell her all the stories that the corners of Manchester roads came to his mind. She was trying hard to follow the stories, but looking at him so excited around his home town took her attention.

Matty took a drag of his cig, stopping in front of a shop located at a lateral road. He turned his body to stare at the shop’s window, admiring the display they had on.

“Oh, I thought this place was gone.” he said, squeezing her hand.

“Love the theme.”

Matty turned to look at her, throwing the cig away, moving his sunglasses to rest on the top of his head, “Do you want to go in?” he offered. “We used to come here all the fuckin’ time.”

“Yeah, let's go.” she took the lead, and drag him through the door.

The shop was small. Tables all around with vinyls, CDs and also cassettes decorated them. There wasn’t a stop on the walls without a poster. The place called you to get lost for hours inside.

A young man greeted them, arranging himself on his chair behind the front desk, “Hello friends, what can I do for you?”

“We’re going to snoop around, mate. Thanks.” Matty spoke, letting him know they’re alright.

“Dope.” the man answered, not bother about them. She watched him going back to rest on the chair, plugging in his headphones and watching the few people walking outside.

Matty went to the back of the shop, even though it was a few feet away from her. She tugged her chin in, searching through all the vinyls. She smirked when a very interesting one showed up.

She turned around, staring at Matty’s back. “Look what I found.” she called him.

The singer returned to her side, rounding her waist with his arm. ABIIOR’s vinyls was presented before them. Matty hid his face on her shoulder, groaning. “Oh, someone is shy now.” she teased him.

“Shut up.”

“I remember the first time I listened to it.” she started recalling, reading the list of songs.

“Do you?”

“Mhm.”

“And?”

She shook her head, “I’m not going to stroke your ego any more, Healy.”

“You already do…dating me.” Matty forced her to look at him, placing his hand on his cheek. He was really close, making her stomach flip.

They hadn’t been dating for a few months, but everything was working amazing between them. She felt like they’ve known each other for ages, even though every time he kissed her it felt like the first time.

She sighed, “Impossible.”

Matty let her go, looking how she tugged the vinyl under her arm. His cheeks feeling warmer. She continued admiring all the old records in front of her, choosing one of her favourites Queen’s albums.

“Look…” Matty broke the silence around them. He lifted high an Oasis CD, making her giggle.

“You already have it!” she whined.

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do.”

Matty opened the case, “But this is special edition.” he tried to justify himself.

“I can keep it for you…in my house.” she offered.

Matty made eye contact, saying suggestively, “I’d have to visit you every day. Y’know, you can't live without listening to Oasis every day…” he moved closer.

“Right, very convincing.” she shielded herself with the vinyls pressed on her chest.

Matty handed the CD to her, “Here.”

“I was kidding, babe.” she titled her head.

“I want you to have it, baby.” he moved it to accentuate he was serious about it.

“You’re so cute.” his girlfriend took it, going to leave a kiss on his cheek.

After they managed to bring the owner back to reality, he started passing the items under the scanner.

“Total is…” the man let them know. Matty was fast to take his wallet out, although she stopped him, placing her hand on his.

“No.”

“Of course, yes.” he moved his wallet around, offering the man the bills.

“Matty!”

“Y/n, drop it.” he said.

She huffed, because he always insisted on buying stuff for her. Matty pinched her cheek sweetly, after putting his wallet away.

“You two make a cute couple.” the man absently says, staring at them.

“Thanks mate.”

“She’s out of your league, though, dude.” she couldn’t help to laugh out loud.

Matty blushed, “I know that.” he said, feeling exposed.

“Okay, here…” the man gave her the bag with her new records. “Good choices, by the way. This one, ‘the 1975’ is from here, old Manny, y’know?” Matty stared at the man, shocked by his words. His girlfriend trying really hard to not laugh and expose him.

“Yes, I’m a big fan.” she managed to speak.

“Amazing!” his eyes opening with excitement. “Thanks for buying!”

“Bye.”

“Thanks.”

The couple walked away from the shop. She really wanted to laugh about the surreal moment, but stopped herself.

“Nice guy.” she mocked him.

“Don’t.” Matty stopped her, grabbing her hand on his.

She pushed her body to his side, laughing and mumbling, “Let’s go for a coffee, star.” stressing the last word.

CANT BELIEVE ITS BEEN THAT LONG SINCE I SAW THEM LAST AND ITS ONLY 15 DAYS TILL I SEE THEM AGAIN WTAFFFF IS MY LIFE OML

Chapter 25

Word count : 2917

This chapter contains , a lot of mention of drugs and drug use , anxiety and being high

This chapter is written in a slightly different style I hope you enjoy but please give me feedback if you prefer it the other way or this way. It's not to much different just more clear demographics of who is typing when it comes to texting I suppose but yeh I'd still love some feedback that would be grandly appreciated ❤️

Matty's POV

It really wasn't George's fault that I got so worked up over a single question he was just trying to help, and I genuinely am so grateful for him and everything he does for me but I'm fragile and my state of mind is so frail , has been for the longest time and certain stuff sets me off, George left the call a few hours ago his Mum came home so he had to go talk to her about what happened at school and then I think he got caught up with studying, we're texting but I still feel like I'm going to explode my anxiety has been through the roof since he's been gone, I meant it earlier when I told him he calms me, he's like the literal embodiment of Pablo Picasso's painting of the Dove of Peace that represents peace and unity, maybe a little pretentious of me but it's true , he's like a lighthouse in a storm if you may.

I'm currently sat with my Mum, Dad and Louis , watching Star Wars , my Mum thought it would be good if we all spend sometime together, When she got home from work she could tell I was hopped up and skittish, she did try to speak to me but I said I was fine but she insisted we all spent some time together. Really all I want to do is go get high or drunk at this point I don't really mind which option is pulling me in most. My mum had poured herself a class of red wine before we started the film and it's all that's been on my mind since I sat down, I doubt I'll be allowed anything, my dad usually offers me a beer but right now I don't think they'll let me and Louis is sat on my knee and I don't want to disturb him, I'm biting my nails now trying to concentrate on the film and not the ticking of the clocks in the room that are surely just going to blow my brain up in a minute.

"Matthew", my Mum brought me out of my haze.

"Mhm", my reply was muffled by my mouth still chewing on my nails.

"Hands", I look at her quizzically for a second as I don't quite know what she means, "stop chewing your nails love", my hands drops from my mouth immediately

"Sorry Mum" , I carefully lift Louis of my knee must to his protest and ruffle his hair, "my eads really cloudy right now I can't concentrate, I'm just going to lay down for a little while, I'm sorry".

"You alright son", I just nod at my dad with a halfhearted smile and make my way upstairs the quiet of my own room and head probably won't be much better but I just need to be alone. I make it to my room and just slump down on my bed the duvet felt to soft but also really scratchy but there's nothing I can do about that right now, I feel like I was just laying there staring at the ceiling, falling into a spiralling vortex with nowhere to go but it was really only a couple of minutes. My hands where twitching like mad and I could just feel a tingling sensation through my whole body and I hated it. I knew what I needed right about now so I instantly pull my phone free from my pocket and scroll through my texts till I find his number

Corey (Bigman) , If I could trust anyone to have anything to quell my anxiety Corey would have it so I fire him a quick text

Matty: yo it's Matty , are you about!

Corey : yeh bro 😎, what you after?

Matty: I don't know just something to calm me the fuck down.

Corey : right no worries man, meet me at the oak in ten yeh don't be late.

Matty: cool.

I sit up a little resting on my elbows to keep me steady taking a second to just breath or at least try to relax my breathing, then scrub my hands down my face and go back downstairs "I'm gunna go for a walk clear my ead, I'll be back in a bit yeh, it's only about 8, I'll get something from the shop if you want", I pull on my old tattered black vans and I wait for a response and shove my wallet into my back pocket , stick my head round the door and notice that Louis has fully zonked out on the couch "do you guys want anything from the shop?"

"No thanks love, please be safe, call me if you need anything and don't be long alright, I know it's summer and it's light out but you still need to careful , come give your mum a hug first first" , I roll my eyes and smile while I make my way over and pull my Mum into a tight hug. "We love you Matthew , be careful alright"

"I love you too Mum" as I pull away I try to sent the most reassuring smile her way. "I'm alright though" , I say goodbye again leaving the room and snag my jacket (Jamie's jacket ), from the coat rack and slip out the door, and start the journey to the Oak Hill, on my way I send a Snapchat to George not really of anything just the scenery and just put a little heart on the screen before sending. The walk is peaceful really besides a few hoodlam kids across the other side of the road making the biggest ruckus for absolutely no reason but I ignore it. After about five minutes I get a reply from George a pretty artsy picture of all his school books on his desk

George: where you off to love❤️?

Again I don't really send a snap because if I'm going to show him around Manchester I want to do it in person not through a screen or pictures , Pictures rarely do anything justice

Matty: just on a walk darlin , tryna clear my head , how's the enforced studying going 😂

George: it's an absolute nightmare honestly I don't know how people do this on purpose , clearing your head are you still upset?

Matty: honestly yeh my heads all over the place still but it's okay I'm trying to calm down darlin , also I can 100% feel your there studying is the worst thing about of school 😂

George: I'll call you once my parents go to bed I'll just need a minute to be sure so I don't get caught, I miss your face already love.

I quickly skim read his message again and slip my phone in my pocket and turn the corner coming face to face with Corey, he's got a joint in between his lips and I can see he's holding another in his hands with a lighter next to him. He looks up at me nodding and hands me the joint

"Have this with me first lad then I can hook you up with gear yeh"

I willingly take the joint and quickly flick the lighter a couple of times before the end lights up sparking an amber glow and I inhale the contents deeply sighing as I release "This is good shit"

"Quite strong so It might calm you down lad" he pats the ground next to him indicating for me to sit with him, I pull him up in the offer and slide myself next to him. Watching as he fiddles with my gear in his pocket and passes it over to me. "You given me good weed recently too lad so I'll give you this for free, but please be careful", I nod along with him as I take the baggie from him and slip it into my pocket. "What's up lad, you haven't come to me in a while, what's troubling ya.?"

"My heads all over the place and I can't shut anything up, I just want everything to be quiet for a bit, be able to breath you know" , I continue to inhale the substance and then go back to texting George as Corey starts trying to help me through something, he's not the smartest button in the box. I take a picture of the joint in my hand the flash causing the smoke to seem grey and float across my screen

Matty: "I fuckin miss you too man Jesus , it's not even been that long and it's scary, and yeh please don't get yourself into anymore trouble, we can call when you can , I don't know if I'll be home straight away but I'll let you know yeh"

With that I slip my phone into my pocket and pull the baggie out again "you wanna share it then Corey, I don't mind" , as I'm saying this I pull out my credit card from my wallet and preparing what I need , the oak is a very secluded area no one will catch us, I don't even know if it's an oak tree to be honest it's just a tree on the outskirts of the park that's been chopped down and just lying there , kids come here all the time to drink and party in summertime. I take a bump from the coke from the corner of my card letting it take through my body, it makes me shiver a little, and I then pass the stuff over to Corey as I feel my blood start to heat up a little. I take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree and lol my head backwards and stare up to the sky, the starts looking like tiny torchlights leading the way to the heavens and they spin around us slowly , after a while Corey sits next to me

“So man , is it working is your head quieting down yet bro ?”, come to think of it it has a little, there’s still that anxious lump in my throat and my heart is still going a million miles a minute but my brain is a little quieter. A little foggy but quiet.

“It’s a little foggy and everything is still really grey and colourless but yeh it’s quiet”

“What had you so hopped up in the first place lad”, he pulls more papers out his pockets and starts rolling another joint as I close my eyes and let the world go on around me talking as i fall into a peaceful state of bliss

“I don’t wanna talk about right now” , once Corey finished rolling the joint he passes it over to me and I light up again bringing it to my lips inhaling then ask “bro got any drink on ya”

“I’ve got beer in my bag”

“That’ll do , not the best but it’ll do”, he pulls a can of carlins from his bag and passes me a can as well as opening a can for himself. “Bro how do you always just know what I need”, He’s known me a while now and always been able to set me up some good gear when I’ve needed it.

“I just know you bro”, we just spend some time drinking and smoking, we did a few more bumps of coke. It has been about an hour and a half at this point my brain had stopped racing everything was quiet and I was getting really tired. Corey was zoned out next to me and I was nearly half asleep. “I think imma go now lad, are you coming or are you just gunna sit for a bit”

“Nah man I’m good ay, just leave me one last can will ya”, I didn’t feel like what I said was actually how it came out, everything was slurred and just blending together as I said it but I’m sure he understood. “Thanks again Corey, you always have what I need when I need help”

“It’s cool bro don’t worry”, he got up from his place on the ground probably at a normal speed but too me it looked like everything was in slow motion and he dropped his last can next to me. “Be safe yeh”, after we said our goodbyes he walked off back in the direction of the park.

I don’t know how much longer I sat there just nursing the beer that was left for me , but eventually I started to feel like I was sinking into the ground my heart started beating faster, a lot faster than normal which started to freak me out a little. Causing my breathing to come in fast burst. This makes me open my eyes and everything around me spinning , making my head hurt “not again nah I can’t do this right now” , I pull my phone out and start stabbing at my screen trying to find someone’s number, anyone’s number I don’t care who at this point. The more I search the more I start to panic I hate this. Eventually my eyes fall on Ross’ name and I click his name and bring the phone to my ear and hear it ring a few times and it goes to voicemail “no, no, no , please pick up”, I press his name again hearing the ringer go through again “please Ross pick up” , I’m beyond panic at this moment and I can’t concentrate right. Eventually he does pick up

“Yo Matty what is it?”

“Ross , is that you!”

“Uh yeh , you called me so I’d assume you know”

“Ross I’m scared I need you, can you come get me please”

“What do you mean you scared , where are you!?”

“I can’t breath and my brain feels like it’s going to explode”

“Matty mate , where are you?”

“Um …I …I’m at the. Uh the oak”

“Okay lad, I’ll be five minutes, do you want me to stay on the phone”

“Please…Ross please make it stop”, I could hear him on the other side, pulling on his jacket and his keys rattling as he pulled his door shut.

“What did you do mate?”

“I just needed my brain to shut up for a second, nothing was working, I needed it stop…and and…and it did…but now I can’t …can’t breath”

“Matty ….I swear you need to tell me , what did you take” , he’s outside now I can hear the crunching of leaves under his feet , Ross’ house was just around the corner so he shouldn’t be too long.

“How long will you be?”

“Stop swirving lad what did you take?”

“Um I uh. I …the usual” , I could feel water running down my face now, I don’t know when I stared crying but apparently I had.

“Mate , seriously , what’s wrong?, I’m just round the corner”

“I don’t know what’s wrong Ross, I really don’t know” , as I was finishing that senatnce I could hear him trudging through the forested area behind me but I couldn’t lift my head properly for to long “is …is that you ?”

“Yes , I’m going to hang up now”

I heard the dial tone give out and then Ross was running over to me “let’s get you up okay …on three yeh”, he wrapped an arm around me and he tried to pull me up “1, 2 , 3” , I pushed a little as he pulled me up. “Where going back to mine okay?, you can’t go home like this”, I just subtly nodded because even just slightly moving my head hurt so much, he wrapped and my arm around his shoulders and we began to walk back to his in silence which didn’t feel good but I just couldn’t conjure up a sentance.

We stumbled through his front door, I could hear his mum calling from the bedroom asking what was wrong and he just told her that I was out and I’m a bit pissed so I’m staying here rather than going home that made me chuckle not in a good way “bit pissed as if”

“Bro this ain’t funny come one,” we made our was upstairs he dragged me along with him taking one step at a time. It was hard even just walking never mind conquering stairs “where do you need to go , lay down or vomit”

“Nah nah I just need a lie down” , he pulled me into his bedroom and helped me up to then bed and he sat next to me softly pulling my head into his lap and laying against the headboard

“What are we gunna do with you huh?”

I have a confession as a self proclaimed lover of anything Matty Healy

I think I may fancy George Daniel more ☺️

Got a another fanfic question my dudes 😂

Help pleeeeeeaaaassseee

Part 24

Word count :2079

Mentions : just talking about codependency a lot in this chapter

George's POV

"Huh?", I totally didn't even register that I'd said what I'd said until I'd finished talking and now I look like a right idiot confessing how much I want him even though I've know him less than a week. What a knob I am, my mind is spiralling while he's just sat there with the biggest cheesiest grin and blushing

"You want me all to yourself, all you gotta do is ask Georgie", I looked up at him from where I was looking at my floor slight shock in my eyes I've barley know him a week as I've already said how do I as someone something like that he barley know me , I'm mental.

"Wh...eh...what do you mean love?", He might just be messing , hopefully , I'd get it , I understand why he'd be messing I have been kinda clingy, I have been all over him to just talk to me all the time maybe he's just trying to get me to back off , in's aging that everytime I think about him all I can hear is him telling his friend he likes me.

I watch him get comfortable on the floor and concentrate on what he's trying to say his mind already looks like it's racing "what I'm trying to say is um, I know we haven't know each other long, but like I feel this kind of like peace and tranquility when I'm around you and you keep me calm and I'm happy right, and people now a days are just striving to find happiness constantly looking for the pursuit of happiness and it's like if you not happy your wrong but that's not that case but either way you make me happy I don't have to pretend with you , I want you around , no , I need you around, so what I was trying to say is if you want me then you can have me, we don't have to label it as anything just yet, we can just talk and see where it goes", his hands flailing around as he's pulling his words together looking so animated "like it's nothing you have to force yanno just see where it goes and we can like , I don't know decide what we want to do at a later date if that's what you want", he lets out a big breath after ranting and shy smiles at me while picking at the skin around his nails.

It takes me a minute to process everything he just said and I lose myself in my thoughts until I hear slight movement on his side and jump out of my thoughts "if that's really what you'd like to do then I'd really love to give it a go but I don't want to put pressure on you" , There's no way he could be interested in me I'm not that amazing. "I really like you Matty".

"I really like you to Darlin , and I want to give this a go, I haven't properly tried with anyone in a long time, that's on me but I really want to try , and I need you to know that there will be times where I'm not talkative or might not wanna talk but please just bare with me when that does happen" , I'd give him anything he needs whenever he needs it so long as I always know how he's feeling and he communicates it with me.

"I promise I'll be what you need Matty", There's a smile adoring my face and my cheeks feel warm as shit and I can tell there blushing, his face mirrors mine on the other side. "Can I hear what you where writing ?", I start swaying on my chair. Swinging back and forth as he picks up his guitar from the floor and places the pick in his mouth again as he goes over the words on the paper

"It's not done yet but I'll show you what I have", he brings the pick down and begins to strum the guitar

"Now run,run away from the boys in the blue

Oh my car smells like chocolate

Hey now , I think about what to do

I Think about what to say

I Think about how to think

Pause it , play it , pause it , play it , pause it"

But every-time he says think it comes out more like fink and I swear it's the cutest thing ever. I'm in awe of him every-time I hear him play, hearing his voice a little crackly and raw is amazing.

"Oh , we go where nobody know

With guns hidden under out petticoats

No , where never gunna quit it

No , where never gunna quit it no"

He awkwardly placed the guitar down and pulls his jumper sleeve over his hands "that's all I have right now"

"It's kinda funky actually I really like it, any discourse behind it or just a vibe?" , he's searching me , I can see he's willing himself to talk his mouth opens a few times but no words come out, "you don't have to tell me"

"No, no....no..it's okay...it's about the night of the crash really...very losely based on what happened....it was quite cathartic writing it really", I just want to be there with him and watch him go through that writing process with him, write with him , make music with him, my room suddenly gets really cold again , I guess the heating is broken and they can't get it fixed yet. I pull my hoodie around me tightly and pull my hood up. "Are you alright darlin?".

"It's just cold in here is all, wish I could hold you, wish I could have you warming me up ?" , that's when my mind travels again, Imagine he was here with me right now, laying with me on top of my grey duvet, cuddled up together watching a movie or playing video game. Just melting into one another.

"Do you want a hug", he stretched out his arms towards me from his side of the screen as if to pull me into a hug and it just melted my brain.

"Love if I could possibly even touch you right now you wouldn't even have to ask" , I'm a stage four clinger the minute he's in my presence I don't know if I'd ever let go. "But yes love to answer your question I'd love a hug right about now"

I can see Matty looking around his room then he basically jumps up from his spot on the floor exiting the screen for a second but comes back with a really fluffy cardigan "I should send you this ay, because then you'd be warm and feel like your getting hugs at the same time and a bonus it smells like me, all the best things really" , I can see him holding it tightly and I can tell it means a lot to him even though it's just a cardigan.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to you know" , I can feel myself blushing again, this is going to be a very common occurrence when I'm around him "it does look cozy though"

"I want to give it to you though" , I can't get over how  beautiful he is right now, he looks so small in his room, the juxtaposition between his tiny body against the high walls.

"If that's what you want handsome, hey sorry but back to the song, em do you mind telling me about Janey, just so I know how to help you when you get bad, if I know about how you guys where and stuff I might be able to help” , I know this is really out of the blue but I’ve just really thought about it the last few days that telling me about her might give me better understanding on how to help him when he gets into his head.

“W…w..why?”

“Sorry that was stupid of me , you don’t have to, I uh just thought that, if I know how things were between you two I might be able to help you better when your in your head” , I begin to panic a little as I don’t want him to think I’m prying or deliberately trying to hurt him by asking about something that upsets him but if he can talk about her it might help.

“No no darlin , it’s okay, it just caught me off guard a little that’s all, we were very codependent with one another from like a really really young age, for the longest time we thought we were brother and sister , because her mum was friends with my mum and dad , so she’d be round most days we went to the same nursery , grew up with each other, one year she went to Tenerife when we where about 8 or 9 I swear those ten days where the worst days of my life, cried every single day asking my mum how many days till she’s home , the night she got back, I begged my mum to ask if she could come sleep over which she did” , he’s smiling and looks so happy talking about her , he still has his sleeves draped over his hands and he’s curled himself inwards so he’s holding his knees to his chest, I wish I could be there to lend a supporting hand, but for now all I can do is listen.

“As we got older, we were still joined at the hip, couldn’t have one without the other really but things happened with her , her mum left when she was 11 and her dad basically turned into a drunk more or less , then she kinda turned into a little rebel herself but I wouldn’t let her do anything by herself so if she got I trouble we’d both get in trouble , blood bonds and all that” , I could see him get up from his position on the floor and set himself up at his desk .

“Sorry it was getting uncomfortable down there , anyway , yeh I’d have done anything for her , she was the best thing to ever happen in my life you know , I was always trying to impress her , I know she’d never like me that way cuz she liked girls which is also another reason that when we dated it didn’t last long , but she was always so beautiful and I always wanted to be around her, so when she was drinking , I was drinking , when she was smoking , I was too , and the same when it came to coke”

“I always just wanted to keep her safe , so if she was getting high I was gunna get high with her , didn’t want her doing it alone , wanted to protect her because I know what guys where like and what they’d be thinking so I wanted to be there all the time when she was getting high so she was safe, we used to only get high at parties but then it happened more often to get us through school , or get us through work and it got really bad and people started noticing so we tried to stop , the last party we were at we both tried not to but people kept offering us and we could say no and that’s when it all went to shit really “

“Cuz uh , yeh um , we went to this party down the road…” as he’s trying to finish the story I can see him rise from his chair and start pacing around while trying to find his words hands racking together. So I let out a .

“Matty my love , it’s okay , if this is to hard , we can talk about this another time if it’s to tricky”, I’m trying to get him to hear me but he’s pacing and not paying much attention to me “Matty ?, darlin?, MATTHEW ?” , he pauses his movement and looks at me his eyes slightly glasses. “My love come sit down please , I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ask , it’s too hard for you too talk about right now”

As he sits down his head is in his hands again and I can hear slight sniffling on his end “Matty I’m sorry , I didn’t mean too”, he looks up at me and gives me a half-hearted smile.

“It’s okay darling, it’s not your fault, I just miss her like I’m missing part of me”

ooohh 🐰🧡🐸

What I think says the most in a person : I don’t really know it’s kind of a hard question , because I always give people the benifit of the doubt anyway right , but like first impression can be quickly changed , I’m always like so scared to speak to people when there loud and out there but then I’m always friends with them in the end 😂, but I suppose openness and how they treat strangers can be a good tell about how they really are (if that makes sense

What colour do I dislike most : I don’t really hate colours specifically but I despise red cars

My aesthetic: um , I steal aesthetics from others like I’ve got two on the go , buissness man who doesn’t really know what he’s doing (count Olaf 😂), then maybe 2000s ratty punk

🎧🐶🌿

Headphones or Earbuds : depends what I’m doing and how loud the room is , if I’m overwhelmed and wanna be left alone or I’m out in a loud environment then it’s headphones cuz they block out more noise but earbuds any other time

Cats or dogs : again it’s a hard question , I prefer dogs but I have to say cats since I have a little fluffy all myself

Favourite outfit : it’s my camo cargo pants , with my black T-shirt that has a world on it and then my grey hoodie or my Notes hoodie with my red vans with black hearts (feels very Notes ear matty )

Wbu 🪢❤️

🌼 🙃 👖

Last thing I said out loud “you okay” , just asking my bf if he’s good , it’s all I ever seen to say 😂😂

Weird fact ?: um barber poles have specific reasons for being that colour , barbers used to be doctors and dentists as well back in the day so , white is for bandages , red for blood and blue for water

Jeans 100% I feel homeless in joggers 😂😂

Ask away guys I wanna get to know you guys and you to know me ❤️

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

 💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!