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1 month ago

have you guys ever posted anything then got that sweet rush of dopamine before your brain hit you with that reality check?

like

me *squealing*: omg someone actually read this!!!! and they even left kudos!!!!!!

my brain *waits a few moments to enjoy the dopamine*: ........

my brain: you do realize this is probably fake right?

me: ur lying!!

my brain: what are the chances that four whole people found this and actually liked it?

me: ur lying.

my brain: and it didnt even take 4, much less 24 hours???

me: ur lying............

my brain: and look at that user name! it doesn't make sense!! and 3 guests???

me: ........

my brain: with ur horrible writing??? like ur a beginner, not famous!!!

me: :'(

my brain: it's obviously ao3 trying to encourage new writers with fake engagement!!!!

me: *actively sobbing now*

my brain: now go post about it on tumblr for stranger's sympathy you disgusting disgrace!

me: *writes this*


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A little white cat sat on the moon, wishing to visit the world below.

A little black rabbit joined them and saw the longing in their eyes.

"You can’t go there," spoke the little black rabbit, softly cleaning its silky black paws. "If you go there, you won't come back."

The little white cat sighed while still looking at the world and asked, "Rabbit, how can you be so sure I won't come back?"

The little black rabbit paused for a while before speaking.

"I know that you will leave one night and explore the world below. You will be amazed by everything you see and hear. You will fall in love with the world and forget about me. You won't see me again... You will forget Time and you won't come back..."

The little white cat stared at the world one moment longer, before dropping their gaze to look at the rabbit.

"Would that be so bad?" Questioned the little white cat, tilting his head curiously. "I would be happy if I forgot about Time."

"You would be happy," spoke the rabbit. "But I would be left alone. Time will be unhappy with you, and won't ever see you again."

"But I would be free and happy for Time."

"But I would be sad and alone for Happiness."


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4 months ago

Two years ago when I was inpatient, I made a friend that I could study scripture with and offer up prayer requests. He offered to pray with me, over me, quite a few times... untii one night I finally agreed. We strolled down to the end of the hallway after groups had let out where it'd be quieter. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, me being quite short and he taller, somewhat pulled me into his side as he began to pray.

"Lord protect her from the men here, for these men are like wolves coming for her... protect this woman, no this, well she's more like a - little girl- Father --"'"Lord protect her from the men here, for these men are like wolves coming for her... protect this woman, no this, well she's more like a - little girl- Father --"

At this point, my mind snapped out of the prayer and began to wonder. "Little girl??"

Who the hell is he calling 'little girl'! After he finished the prayer, I decided that I was fine being alone with my faith during my stay.

A few days later, in group, I had taken a seat at the table in front of the large room full of chairs so I could color during session. The table was there for those of us that found it hard to pay attention or focus, those who fidgeted a lot, and simply needed to multi-task.

The group leader that day began a discussion with a question. She asked if there was a time or way that we felt underestimated, or doubted, when we were judged with preconcieved notions based on appearance or other factors.

I raised my handn almost immediately, to which she called on. "I feel that way here," I started, resuming coloring the cute animal picture in front of me. "I find child-like therapy very productive and soothing, considering I didn't have any semblance of a proper childhood. It's good to nurture and reconnect with your inner child - I like coloring, stuffed animals, stickers, crafts - and because of this, I've even been called a little girl.

Which is quite the opposite of what I am. I have debilitating chronic illnesses invisible to most that I fight everyday and am truly a warrior."

I knew he was sitting in the room, and heard me.

I DO love stuffies and glow in the dark everything, stickers, puzzles, coloring books, crafts, juice, cartoons - all of it.

Our inner child is still there, always. Just hiding. After 28 years, I found her. 💗


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