Validation - Blog Posts

Today I was chatting with two guys and mentioned I was aroace. It went a little something like this.

A: wtf is that

B: it means she’s not attracted to people in that way

A: bro you can’t just not pick a side, that’s crazy

B: nah, it just means she’s spectator mode

A: OHHH IT MAKES SENSE NOW

I have never felt more validated or laughed so hard

2 every former "weird kid" out there who still struggles with repressed self hatred as a coping mechanism, remember that it's totally okay to forgive that younger version of yourself. You didn't do anything to deserve the way you were treated, and no matter what you did then, you can always become a version of yourself that you like NOW ! : D or something liek that!!

I finished ep.1's script! Let's goooooooo!!!!! 4713 words total and ep.1 is over! All i have to do now is storyboard, animate, voice-act, and upload... I'm not worrying about that right now. WOOOO EP.1 IS OVERRRRR

I added 1,877 words to my script today so now I feel really nice inside. Please, Tumblr, make me feel validated.

In hindsight it's very insulting to be told that flunking out of college due to adhd is actually "quite common"

Hey friend, in case no one told you today:

I just thought it may be a good time to tell you that you did great today. Even if things weren’t perfect, you did your best.

I see your hard work and I see how much it took to do the thing. Great job!

I’m really proud of you.

Anytime we drag our past into the future, we have some grieving to do. When we refuse to grieve, it slows us down and robs us from finding our lives.

Stephen Arterburn (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

since apparently it’s Valentine’s Day, system appreciation post!

You’re valid if you’re endogenic

2. You’re valid if you’re traumagenic.

3. You’re valid if you’re mixed origins. 4. You’re valid if you don’t know or care about your system origins. 5. You’re valid if you are a median. 6. You’re valid if you are polyfragmented. 7. You’re valid if you’re mostly blurry. 8. You’re valid if your parts are clear and distinct. 9. You’re valid if you don’t experience co-consciousness. 10. You’re valid if you experience co-consciousness. 11. You’re valid if you experience co-fronting. 12. You’re valid if you don’t experience co-fronting. 13. You’re valid if you hate being a system. 14. You’re valid if you love being a system. 15. You’re valid if you don’t know how to feel about being a system. 16. You’re valid if your trauma doesn’t fit the ‘typical norm’ or expected experience. 17. You’re valid if you have factives/fictives/fucktives/songtives, etc 18. You’re valid if you have hundreds of thousands of headmates. 19. You’re valid if you only have a few headmates. 20. You’re valid if you are looking for final fusion. 21. You’re valid if you are looking for functional multiplicity. 22. You’re valid if you’re a tulpa. 23. You’re valid if you’re an introject who doesn’t want to be like their source. 24. You’re valid if you’re an Introject who does want to be like their source. 25. You’re valid if your system isn’t very active. 26. You’re valid if your system is extremely active. 27. You’re valid if you have a core. 28. You’re valid if you don’t have a core. 29. You’re valid if you have a host. 30. You’re valid if you’re hostless. 31. You’re valid if you have a headspace. 32. You’re valid if you don’t have a headspace. 33. You’re valid if you have a relationship with another headmate. 34. You’re valid if you’re a bodily minor OR adult system. 35. You’re valid if you don’t like some/all of your headmates. 36. You’re valid if you love all your headmates. 37. You’re valid if you’re a disordered system. 38. You’re valid if you’re a non-disordered system. 39. You’re valid if you’re introject heavy. 40. You’re valid if you’re brain-made heavy. 41. You’re valid if you’re non-human heavy. 42. You’re valid if you’re covert. 43. You’re valid if you’re overt. 45. You’re valid if you’re an age regressor. 46. You’re valid if you’re a pet regressor. 47. You’re valid if you don’t identify with the body. 48. You’re valid if you do identify with the body. 49. You’re valid for feeling angry about those who hurt you. 50. You’re valid if you have a lot of control over your system. 51. You’re valid if you experience little to no control over your system. 52. You’re valid if your system structure is complex. 54. You’re valid if your system structure is simple. 55. You’re valid if you’re mono conscious. 56. You’re valid if you’re biconscious or triconscious. 57. You’re valid no matter your conscious term. 58. You’re valid if you want labels about your experiences. 59. You’re valid if you don’t want labels for your experiences. 60. You’re valid for having source trauma. 61. You’re valid for not having source trauma. 62. You’re valid for having alters split due to other alters either negatively or positively. 63. You are valid if you split for no reason, or a reason you can’t identify. 64. You’re valid for being different from the norm. 65. It’s okay to be wrong about your identity. Even if you aren’t plural, it’s what fit you at the time. Identity shifts. We’re always learning about ourselves. You made a mistake is all, you’re not a monster for making a mistake.

I could go on and on for days, but I think you get the jist.

YOU ARE VALID. NO MATTER YOUR EXPERIENCE. YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE REAL. YOU DONT NEED TO FIT INTO THE CONFINED BOX OF REQUIREMENTS TO BE CONSIDERED PLURAL.

Happy Valentines Days, everyone. <3

This

My whole life summed

fun fact nonbinary ppl with boobs, nonbinary ppl who like their boobs, and nonbinary ppl who want boobs are cool and valid and just as nonbinary as ppl w flat chests and deserve to have a good time all the time

horror of being perceived vs desire to be adored

CAITLIN STASEY as SASKIA VAN DER BEEK CLASS OF ‘07 (2023- ) Soul-Crushing-Cycle

Validation

🌟 As little babies, and then toddlers, our lives depend on validation. We need others to mirror and reflect what we feel, to know that each emotion is normal. We crave an explanation and mediation of these strange new sensations inside us—feelings. 💓

But if our surroundings never provided such validation or weren't capable of giving it, our need to feel seen and know that we are normal as we are faces a significant obstacle. 😢

However, my friend, it's never too late to learn to understand and believe to your body, your sensations, and your emotions, no matter how strange or strong they might feel. Even if they seem out of control, it might be because they, and the little you, haven't been seen for too long. 🥺

Upon learning to listen to ourselves, we first encounter some intense stuff. But with a tiny flame of hope and compassion, step by step, we might find relief—which is valuable for every part of your life that follows. 🌱 Sending you soft, loving validation, and know that with all your unique and different parts, you are normal as you are. To exist is to be a normal part of this life, just as you are. 💖 🌈🌸

(via " Pastel Holographic Watercolor Sticker: Acknowledging Shame, Embracing Self-Worth" Magnet for Sale by Queueka)

I was watching this video of this beautiful woman who was explaining how our desires aren't what we actually want but it's the feelings of having that desire that we want.

And I brought this to my current situation. I have been obsessing over getting a high paying job lately, like I can't afford to wait. I want that job right now.

And after listening to this video, I started asking myself why I want this job so badly. The first answer being to have a sense of security and stability. But it is not only that.

I want that job quickly so that I can get some validation from my family members - so that I can get approved of, in a way. So that I can be that cousin that helps others out. So that I don't have to constantly ask my parents or siblings for money. So that my brother does not constantly tell me how I wasted my years to a degree and have nothing to show for it.

So I realised that deep down, I want validation, acceptance and approval. And now the question is how can I give that to myself rather than wait for others to give it to me.

National Foster Care Month

Today is the last day of Foster Care Awareness month. As with all of these awareness days or months, Foster Care Awareness month is more about setting aside a specific time for agencies to learn more and focus promotion on a particular hardship or disease as these are ongoing issues that relate to hundreds to millions of people in the world every day

The US Foster Care system is rarely discussed, even during foster care awareness month as many don’t really understand the depths of its existence and may only know of its possible existence by what is shown on television. Due to the media being the main provider of introduction and information about foster care and the foster care system, Maia Mitchell and Zuri Adele from the current Freeform series Good Trouble (spin-off of The Fosters) discuss the disservice many of these introductions due to children in Foster Care (sorry, Tumblr wouldn’t link to it)

https://www.facebook.com/GoodTrouble/videos/316204539278544/

But social media and television isn’t all bad, depending on whose using it and how connected they are with the true foster care system. Meghan Walbert is an author that shares her family’s journey as a foster family, bringing to light the confusing pain and brightest joys brought by her foster children to her, her husband and their biological son (http://www.phasethreeoflife.com/). Earlier this month, the Comedy Central Show Jim Jefferies brought attention to Kids in the Spotlight with Modern Family’s Ty Burrell and reminded viewers that what you see in the media isn’t always true and how helping children and young adults in the foster care system can create on of the largest impacts not only in their individuals lives by bringing showing them visibility and care, but that those who do not receive the resources they need to grow are more likely to become homeless, be inducted into gangs and have long-term health problems.

The NBC show This Is US along with The Freeform series The Fosters has brought attention to not only the foster care system and the children in the foster care system, but also the older children in foster care—some of whom may never get adopted and lose what little government support they have once they age out of foster care at age 21.

Unfortunately, actions taken this month are both highlighting and increasing the chances of children who will age out of foster care. Earlier this week, the state of Oklahoma in a lawsuit against Teva Pharmaceuticals reported that another outcome of the opioid epidemic was a dramatic increase in the need of their foster care system. Connecting to the research done by Freakonomics writers, not all children go into Foster Care but the new abortion restrictions will create some increase dependency on the foster care system, but increase crime rates as those who are not ready to have children or cannot provide the necessary resources will harm the individual, the family and the community for generations.

Back to Jim and Ty, research has shown that small actions such as Ty’s acting classes, donations, and most importantly visibility, respect and validation of existence can all create a positive impact and other ways to help children and parents in the foster care system

this. this this THIS.

I cannot stress how much it makes writers feel GOOD when we see our work validated. Please, just a simple ‘good’ makes our entire day worthwhile. Please, please-

You read a fanfic? Leave a comment. You read some original fics? Leave a comment. You read a short snippet of something? Leave a comment.

Please, please it makes us so happy.

if you read a fic, please just. leave a comment. any comment. you can copy-paste comments if you have to. literally any variation “i read this, i enjoyed this, thank you for writing it.” 

the basic acknowledgement that their work has been read makes a huge difference to a writer’s motivation. 

If you have a complicated relationship with your mother because of abuse or neglect, you don’t have to feel guilty regardless of how much or how little you choose to interact with her.

I know there’s a lot of pressure to acknowledge her even if she’s hurt you badly. If you choose to (or wish you could) keep your distance or even end your relationship with her, you’re not a bad child or ungrateful or mean.

If for any reason you do something nice for her, that doesn’t mean you give up your right to be angry or hurt by what she did before that. It doesn’t mean you give up your right to keep your distance or even end your relationship with her later on.

You don’t owe her. But it’s complicated sometimes, I understand. Just do your best to be gentle with yourself, and try to remember that you didn’t deserve what happened. You have always deserved care and respect.

Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me

parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them

parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat 

parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me

parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults

parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort

parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away

parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change

parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change

parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me 

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse

parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”

parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries

parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it 

parent threatened to leave me

parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me

parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly

parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma 

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed

parent didn’t notice I was depressed

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them

parent only gave me minimal money to survive 

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!

Stop blaming yourself for other people’s shitty doings to you.

They fucked up, not you.