Steven Meeks - Blog Posts

Take me back to the night we met

The boys sit in a circle, laughing and smoking. Neil stands up, hushing the others as he flips to a page of the book he was holding. “Listen up gentlemen, for I have found a fine piece of poetry for you tonight.” He clears his throat and holds the book up, adjusting his reading glasses. “O mistress mine, where are you roaming? O stay and hear! Your true-love's coming. That can sing both high and low; trip no further, pretty sweeting, journey’s end in lovers' meeting-- Every wise man's son doth know. What is love? 'Tis not hereafter; Present mirth hath present laughter; what’s to come is still unsure: in delay there lies no plenty,-- Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty, youth’s a stuff will not endure. Carpe diem, William Shakespeare.” Neil finishes and bows dramatically, a smile gracing his lips.

When the night was full of terrors and your eyes were filled with tears

Todd woke with a start clutching his chest at the memory, he looked over to Neil’s empty bed and tears filled his eyes. He slipped out of his bed, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his coat before he silently exited his room. Todd knew it was a stupid idea but he made his way to the overpass where he and Neil had spoken on his birthday. He looked over the edge, resting his forearms against the cool stone and taking a deep breath as the memory of throwing the wretched desk set over replayed in his head. He wished Neil were here beside him, there was so much unspoken that he yearned to tell the other; like how he made Todd’s first year at Welton feel less daunting, thank him for how he’d helped, how his smile was the prettiest thing Todd had ever seen, how his eyes reminded him of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. But alas there was no way to speak to the dead, no way to profess his love and speak his truth, no way to watch as Neil’s eyes crinkled when he smiled or laughed, no way to listen as Neil practiced his lines and shouted with joy at the prospect of an acting career. And so he sat, dwelling in all that was untold, wishing desperately to have back what he had lost.

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Todd sat in his seat in what was Mr. Keating's class, he kept glancing back at Neil and Charlie’s desks, it felt so wrong to not have the two here. God he wishes they could go back to how things were, he felt so lost without the two energetic boys, he felt as if he was drowning. Lost and drowning, like a paper in a puddle. He felt a cold breeze from the window and was reminded of the times Neil had left the window in their room open and he’d slept with a coat on as to let the other boy sleep comfortably. The scribble of a pen reminded him of the times he sat quietly, trying to write poetry and having Neil playfully tease him about it, trying to peek at it. He remembered the time that Neil had grabbed the papers from him and he’d chased the other around the room trying to get it back, he remembers the way Neil had laughed and smiled as if there were no other worries in the world. God he wishes he could go back to simpler times.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you

Todd went back to his dorm room, he looked over at Neil’s side of the room, the desk caught his eye. He could almost see it; Neil sat at his desk typing out the letters for the play as he sat on Neil’s bed, the anxiety twisting in his gut as he thought of the trouble Neil would be in if it was found that he forged the letters. He remembers Neil’s elation, the boy tapping his feet and talking eagerly of his plan. God he wishes Neil hadn’t done that. Maybe if it hadn’t happened Neil would still be here, he’d be sat in the room pestering Todd about his poetry, joking with Charlie, studying with Meeks, he’d be able to fully live out his life, become an actor when he’s old enough to get away from his parents. But no he chose to do the play and Todd was so so proud of him, he’d performed wonderfully and it had been an incredible experience to see how happy Neil was, how in his element he was, but deep down he wished he’d tried to stop Neil.

I had all and then most of you some and now none of you

Todd watched as Cameron brushed past the group like they didn’t exist. It hurt knowing the group would never be the same, Meeks and Pitts had shut themselves away, choosing to stick to each other rather than speak to the others, Cameron had completely cut everyone off, Knox was too busy with Chris and Charlie had been expelled and so once again Todd was left alone. It left a sinking feeling in his gut, a deep void that could never be filled, once again he felt the pressure of his brother's shadow over him, the pressure to be good and not let down his family name that his brother had made a reputation for as one of Welton’s most successful graduates. He wished so desperately for everything to go back, he was flailing, grasping at loose ends trying to piece his life back together again, trying to fill the settling loneliness with schoolwork. He’d never felt so lost and alone as he did the moment Charlie had shook him awake telling him that Neil was dead, bright and cheerful Neil laid to rest in the cold December ground, now nothing more than a memory.

Take me back to the night we met

The lyrics aren’t in order, sue me, it’s my fic I can do what I want -_-

@kylacxie hiii you asked to be tagged so here’s the finished work :)

POV: you just read/watched something from 30 years ago and can’t stop thinking about those sad little queer men

(Couldn’t be me tho 😭😭)

Allelon looks sooo much like his father 😭😭I love him omg

Meeks and Pitts as pony cause they are my everything 😔🩷

In the Spirit of starting this account I have made some iconic memes(if i do say so myself😌)

Hyperfixating so bad that I had to buy a journal to write stuff down abt it, I'm gonna start tweaking. (Pls don't say I'm the only one).

Like I'm not even writing anything meanful about it just quotes, poems that were mentioned and some songlyrics.