Sparrow Academy - Blog Posts

Reginald’s toast during the wedding episode

Music To My Ears

Five x Talkative Wife

Note: Okay, so I've had this idea for a long time, basically a HC of what it would be like if Five (when he comes back to 2019) brings along his wife who is also his partner from the commission- who is super talkative, especially when she's nervous.

Five x FemReader

Gif Credit to rightful owner

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The first time he had seen Y/N, he simply wanted to kill her. Not only did she give away his hiding spot from the enemy but she would not STOP TALKING.

"Hi! I'm Y/N, I don't really have a last name, but it's an honour to meet you Mr.Five Sir. You're a lege-"

"Shhh!"

"It's alright they won't hear us!"

"Woman, please I don't need a partner, especially not one as annoying as Klaus!"

"Whose Klaus?"

"Tch no one-"

"HEY THEY'RE OVER THERE"

"SHIT"

And on that same mission Five got shot in the leg, which she kept apologising for over and over again, until he had to verbally say 'IT'S FINE PLEASE, JUST STOP TALKING I NEED TO THINK!'

Slowly, verrry slowly, she began to grow on him, killing wasn't his most favourite part of the job, and everytime she began talking nonsense he could tell she wasn't a fan of it either.

It didn't take him long to figure out that she would ramble on for hours a day when she was scared, nervous or just tired, especially on gruesome missions.

Yes, she would not stop talking even when she was drained. At one point he wondered if Delores thought he spoke a lot too. Until she ended up changing the topic of conversation around 5 times in 1 hour- no, this lady was a crackhead.

It was almost a year in their partnership and the Handler was pleased with their work. For Five was already a legend, he learnt that other than the useless chatter, the girl was a great assassin- quick, slick and brutal.

On one occasion, when Five was cornered and exhausted, he thought he was toast, almost ready to give up. He heard, "NOONE CORNERS MY PARTNER!" And gun shots.

They were all shot in the head

"Execution style?"

"Actually, I was super mad at you when you told me to stay at the motel because I'm very annoying and noisy. Like I get I can't be Delores but please I am my own person! I don't need to be someone else for you to accept me and hey! I am a great assassin by the way! Sure I talk a lot but before your rude a** came along I was running the show punk and-"

"Thank you Y/N, you saved my life today."

And that leaves her speechless, a whole year of knowing him, he had never thanked her, let alone ever spoken to her softly.

He smiles at her and hobbled to the car muttering a , 'You don't have to be Delores, you're better of as you.'

And that was the first mistake the boy made, because after that he began to notice more things about her that he liked.

The way she would ever so politely talk to people. How she was able to get intel by being nice- instead of using the interrogation methods he used.

More than often things would flow smoothly if she would do the talking.

3 years in and he wakes up one night, to get water and realises that she's not on the other bed. So he checks the washroom and she isn't their too.

Grabbing a bathrobe he goes out to the motel parking and finds her sitting on a bench, the cold night breeze tossing her hair around as she grips onto her cup- tea he presumes.

So, like any sane person he decides to give her some privacy, until he hears her sniff.

He goes and sits beside her and is just:

'Wanna talk?"

"No"

"NO?!?!?"

And she shakes her head, so he doesn't encourage her to speak, instead sits their quietly beside her, letting her cry silently.

An hour later he realises her head is on his shoulder and she mutters,

"When you go back, will you leave me?"

"I don't know..."

"Can I come with you?"

"You? But, I'm no fun nor a party goer, darlin' . I'll probably end up being an a** to you-"

"Would an a** have sat with me in the middle of a chilly night outside, letting me cry?"

And for once in his life Five had no answer. The resident genius had no clue to why her words had brought a sensation of tightness around his chest, why he felt her words cut through him. Was he actually going to leave her? If there was anyone (after Delores) who understood him, or rather had the balls to stand up to him, it was her. Yet, he had never realised how vulnerable she was on the inside.

That night ignites a fire within him, because 2 months later, on a mission in Hawaii, where the two are standing in a field of dead bodies he turns to her. All bloody and messy,

"Hey!"

"yes?"

"NOW GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER, YOU GOT IT?"

Utterly confused, she nods at the weirdo who looked like he was about to explode.

"MARRY ME?"

"Sure."

"I SAID A STRAIGHT ANSWER NOT A LONG EXPLANATION YOU - wait what?"

"I said, yes, Five Hargreeves, I'd like to spend whatever days I have left with an a** like you."

Cue the most abrupt and small wedding and exchanging of vows. Not that it mattered to either of them, because as soon as their 'secret wedding' was over, they were sent on another mission.

Naturally, she was rambling along the entire way,

"I really thought we could have cake though, but I guess we did have to keep it low key, oh speaking of low-key, I booked us a fancy couple's room I had been saving money for

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"What's with the face"

"You know~"

"Okay, I officially married Klaus."

"but, but, but you love me either way~"

"Seems to be so, now please stay quiet, we're entering their base and the last thing I want is to lose my wife on the second day of my marriage."

"WAIT WHAT"

"SHHH!"

Give or take many years later, the couple in their fifties is staring at the blue portal. Holding hands, both nervous, one quiet while the other...

"THIS BETTER WORK FIVE, I BETTER NOT END UP BEING TELEPORTED TO THE 1500's I AM TELLING YOU! WAIT! I DONT EVEN KNOW THE NAMES OF YOUR SIBLINGS, OTHER THAN VANYA AND KLAUS -"

"SILENCE WOMAN, ON THE COUNT OF THREE WE JUMP. 1 ...2-"

"3 I WIN"

And she pulls him into the portal as he yells at her.

The two end up on the ground with a loud thud.

Getting up he pulls her up and is just staring at her, up and down.

"Really Five, not a good time to be checking me out- wait why are you a child"

"shit."

"does anyone see a little number Five with ...a random girl?"

Without responding he drags her into the kitchen, the siblings following in right after. Watching him make her sit on a chair at the end of the table while he is preparing something.

Slowly they start interrogating him.

"It's been 22 years Number Five, where have you been?'

"It's been a lot longer than that."

"What happened to you?"

He places a sandwich infront of her and starts to devour his own.

"What do you think happened? I decided to test the limits of my time jumping, see how far I could go. Turns out, pretty far."

"Then how did you get back?"

By now, Y/N is visibly shaking in her chair, too nervous to even eat, staring up at Five who seems to be having a a not to pleasant conversation with his siblings.

Before responding to Allison he turns to look at her,his features softening, something ALL the siblings notice, "It's okay..." He whispers to her, "Eat."

"By projecting our consciousness backwards into a suspended quantum state version of us that exists in every possible instance of time."

"That makes no sense."

"It would if you were smarter."

"Granted, it did take me a little time to work out all the nuts and bolts of it."

Five notices that she's still not eating and he frowns only to glare at his siblings, "Stop staring at her you're freaking her out."

"US? YOU BROUGHT A RANDOM KID HERE FIVE"

"Random kid?" She slams down her sandwich. As Five smirks, 'well, at least she's better now'.

"I AM NO RANDOM KID, IM HIS WIFE. And by the way HE ISNT CRAZY- other than THIS MAN IN A NICE SKIRT I DONT SEE ANYONE WHO ONCE ASKED HIM HOW HE WAS? OR IF HE WAS OKAY? OR IF HE WAS ALONE!"

"Oh? danke- WAIT WIFE? Five DID U KIDNAP HER @?!"

"No, we're in our fifties."

"WHAT"

"Yes, now well that's established, Five we should really hurry up. Also, why don't any of you look similar? Didn't your dad die today? Wait, are you all here for a funeral - you guys have been fighting ever since you showed up huh? Not a lot of love I see, no wonder my husband's a little crackhead too. By the way, why are you so big? Oh- *turns to Vanya* you're the lady from the book, nice book by the way, family tea is the best, not that I'd know, I have no recollection of mine-" with that she got up and randomly walked out of the kitchen, a nervous wreck, something only Five could see.

"Five is she insane?"

"Ofcourse not you big ape."

They could still hear her go on about something from the other side of the house to which Diego frowned, "She talks a lot."

Five just grabbed his sandwich, walking out of the room, with a

"It's music to my ears."

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Note: OKAY SO THIS IS KINDA SHITTY? I don't know I just had to get it out of my system!, I hope y'all like it😭🥺❤️

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The Umbrella Academy S3 + Text Posts Part 1

AHHH WHEN UR A HUGE JEREMY RENNER FAN AND HEAR HIS SONG IN THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

Ahhhhhhh Mr . Pennycrumb has shown up. I'm so happy.

If I had a dollar for everytime Diego said ‘grassy knoll’ or ‘JFK’ this season I could probably raise my own batch of 7 maladjusted super humans with an ape and a robot.

That said, fuck that monocled piece of shit Reggie Hargreeves.

Edit: Just finished watching season 2 and well, I manifested the second batch there didn’t I? Still fuck Reggie.

Umbrella Academy: What the fuck is a cube doing there

Sparrow Academy: What the fuck is a kid doing there

Guess they have some things in common

the umbrella academy memes/out of context

out of context Sparrow Umbrella Academy season 3, episode 1 spoilers

The Bank Robbery (Sparrow Edition)

A quartet of people, two guys, and two gals, walk down a sidewalk towards a bank. One of the guys holds open the door for his friends as they all enter--

--and the lead guy promptly gets his nose bashed in by the butt of a shotgun!

The girls scream as several armed bank robbers grab them and pull them inside.

"Get on the goddamn ground!" one of the robbers yells.

〃く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡₊ ˚ ⊹〃く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡₊ ˚ ⊹

The bank is under siege. Various bank employees and customers are huddled on the floor of the bank as armed men walk around, patrolling the floor with AK-47s in hand. One particular robber is in the process of losing his shit as he talks with a hostage negotiator on the phone.

"I don't give a shit! You are out of time! I told you what would happen didn't I? Didn't I tell you?"

He gestures angrily and another robber approaches, pulling a frightened bank teller with him.

"Get him over here. C'mere." he grabs hold of the bank teller and holds him close, turning back to the phone. "I want you to listen real careful." He then holds out the phone to the bank teller, "Tell them your name."

"Craig, Craig Davis."

Taking back the phone, the robber continues.

"You go home tonight, your wife, she asks "how was work", and you tell her, Oh, not bad, got a guy named Craig Davis killed."

Protests sound from the phone,

"No, we're done talking now you're gonna listen."

The bank teller trembles in fear as the robber drops the phone and pulls out his pistol--

"Excuse me, sir?"

All three men turn to find a young girl in a school uniform standing there.

"The hell-"

The lead robber starts before suddenly, the girl raises both her hands, and he and the other robber are raised in the air, dropping their guns in surprise.

That's when all hell breaks loose. One robber finds himself jerked off his feet by a young boy in a similar uniform as the girl and thrown straight up, ricocheting off the ceiling.

A horrible scream rings out as the hostages whip their heads around to see a different robber being dragged head-first into a room by a pair of monstrous green tentacles.

One robber slowly walks backward as his eyes flicker around the room, scared out of his mind he hears a noise from behind him and whips around to see a boy and a girl sitting on the counter. In a panic he raises his gun and shoots at the boy, only to scream out as he feels a piercing pain in his own chest before falling to the floor. From her spot next to the boy, the girl seems to spot another robber trying to run off, opening her mouth she shoots a stream of venom towards him landing on his face and causing the man to go stock still.

In the vault, a group of men run around screaming as they are chased and pecked at by crows. A girl stands at the entrance of the vault next to a floating cube chuckling at the chaos.

The entire room seems to have erupted into chaos in only a few seconds but in the corner, squashed into a group of hostages, there sits a small girl watching the scene not in fear, but in fascination.

Just ahead of her stands one of the last robbers, he looks around frantically trying to find a way out of the bank without being killed by the freaky kids in uniforms. Just a second later he turns around and starts to look at the hostages, trying to find one that may give him at least a chance of getting out of the bank alive. The girl knows she's in trouble the moment the man's panic-stricken eyes lock with hers. At 4'11", she knows she's smaller than the average thirteen-year-old. Her nickname from her dad is Minnie because he says she's as quiet as a mouse and small like one too.

Frantically, the man pushes away the other hostages, reaching out and grabbing her arm tightly before pulling her towards him. She goes easily despite her attempts at protest, and soon enough she is standing near the doors with an arm over her neck, a gun pressed to her head, and the kids in uniforms standing around the two of them, ready to pounce at any moment.

A strange sort of calm washes over her at that moment and she closes her eyes breathing in and out steadying her racing heart as she continues to be dragged backward towards the door. Slowly, out of nowhere, the feeling of the man's arms around her disappears and gasps are heard both from behind her and in front of her.

When the girl opens her eyes again, all she can see is the surprised faces of the other children. Confused, she turns around to look at the robber who seems just as surprised if not even more panicked than before. Raising his gun he aims at her and before anyone can move, he pulls the trigger.

It almost seems like slow motion, the movement of the bullet as it speeds toward her, but what's even weirder is the fact that even though she sees the bullet go straight through her heart, she's still standing here just fine.

Falling onto her knees in relief, she stares at the spot where the bullet went through her, her mind running wild trying to figure out why she isn't dead.

Seeming to break out of his reverie, the tallest boy walks up to the cowering man and picks him up without breaking a sweat, the boy then throws him across the room, screams breaking out throughout the bank once again as the man's body ricochets off the wall.

Staring down at her chest with wide eyes, the girl almost doesn't realize when a pair of sneakers appear in her line of sight. Looking up at the person, she recognizes him as the one who summoned tentacles out of his stomach, she looks at him blankly when he extends a hand out towards her.

"You okay?" he asks, his voice not seeming very concerned at all, honestly he seemed kind of excited.

Breathing in, she slowly brings her hand up, letting out a breath of relief as she registers the feeling of his hand under hers. Grabbing onto his hand and letting him pull her up, she looks at him with a shaky smile, "I think so." Smiling back at her he lightly squeezes her hand in his.

"I'm Ben, Ben Hargreeves."

"Y/N L/N, nice to meet you."

The other Sparrows, after letting the hostages go, approach the two and introduce themselves to the new girl. Unbeknownst to everyone there the girl would become much more important to them than they could ever imagine.

In the future Y/N L/N is the Sparrow's closest friend, and their one and only future sister-in-law. For now, though, the children are just excited with the knowledge that they are making a new friend.

– 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒 || 𝐛𝐞𝐧 + 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜!𝐤𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐬

SUMMARY: The thing about Klaus Hargeeves and the titles he had was that, for all the bad and bloodied ones he’d accumulated over his weirdly-long-but-should-have-been-shorter lifetime– nothing hurt more than becoming a stranger. PAIRINGS: Klaus x Reader (Platonic), Sparrow!Reader x Sparrow!Ben (Romance), Past!Reader x Umbrella!Ben (Romance), Klaus x Reader x Ben TAGS/WARNINGS: angst ; romance

Klaus Hargeeves had accumulated more than his fair share of titles over the course of his weirdly-long-but-should-have-been-shorter lifetime.

Before the first Apocalypse, he’d been Klaus: Number Four. The Séance. Family fuck-up and resident weirdo.

When he’d ended up smack-dab in the middle of the Vietnam war, the list only grew from there: Private Hargreeves. Soldier. Murderer.

The titles were no less bloody than his first few, and maybe if he’d saved Dave the additions might’ve been an easier pill to swallow.

But Klaus lost Dave anyway and though he wasn’t into the swallowing business nowadays (of pills, that is), the dog tags he wore beneath his torn shirt were a bitter reminder that death and misery would follow him always.

Even after leaving The Umbrella Academy. 

When he and his family failed to save the world the first time (which, according to a very snappish Five, was not technically the first time; very tensed up man-child, mind you)–Klaus, as always, did what he did best.

He accepted the cards he’d been dealt with, and he settled.

And for the most part, things were okay. Delightful, even.

Amongst his Cult, he’d been a Messiah. God. 

As if God wasn’t already fucked up for putting him through all the shit he’d been through, Klaus accepted the monicker with a grain of salt and revelled in the false sense of security it gave him.

So long as he was God, nothing would touch him or his people. 

Because, for all that Klaus was unlucky, for all that he was unfortunate when it came to too-bloody-titles and titles that were false in every way, somehow he’d ended up in 1960 with not only Ben, but with you, too. 

From 1960 to 1962, the years you shared together–you, consoling him first after an argument with Ben before astral projecting yourself between worlds to coax your boyfriend back; Ben, always disagreeing with anything to do with Destiny’s Children until you’d concede sweetly in turn; and him, teasing Ben mercilessly for making him a third-wheel but purposely making him more tangible so his love-struck brother could rest his head above your heart–reminded Klaus of the only good titles he had alongside his name. 

To the world (old and new), Klaus Hargreeves was known as many things.  Weird things. Bloody things. But to Ben, his Benirrino, Klaus was his brother. 

He could be overwhelming to a fault, he knew, but Ben–angry, bitter and emo Benny boy– loved him all the same. And Klaus would’ve died a happy bastard knowing he had at least one sibling with him 60 years in the past. 

With you, [N/N], Klaus didn’t quite know why you’d stuck with him after Ben had died in the original timeline. Until the epiphany came to him between nights you sought each other to grieve and days you went looking for a new high that he’d never had a best-friend before.

He might’ve been responsible for half the stress you were constantly under, but you had accepted him anyways and always in the ways that mattered and for that, Klaus would make do with a sappy Ben if it meant having you there with him, too.  

After two glorious years of just being Ben’s playful brother and [Y/N]’s chaotic best-friend, Klaus thought he could well and truly live if he only ever had to answer to these two titles.

And then, Five re-appeared.

The rest of his family, too. 

And suddenly, the world was back on a timer. 

Klaus had to be Number Four again. Had to be The Séance, the Soldier.

If they wanted an edge over the Temps Time Commission, he had to bring out the whole shabam and play into everything Daddy-dearest ever wanted of him in order to do anything and return to a timeline where he was all these shitty titles (some shameful, some not) and then some.  

And while he could’ve done it, could’ve accepted the bitter reality-check like the good little Solider that he was–it became a little harder for Klaus to just settle with the cards he’d been dealt with when Ben dies saving Viktor. 

It becomes even worse when, just as the two of you are almost out, almost back-in-your-original timeline, you decide to shield Allison during a barrage of gunfire. 

Klaus had seen you first amidst the chaos–eyes wide, hands trembling–and had cheered in a moment of drunken stupor before Five called your name.  Had called for you as though he couldn’t see you even though you were standing right there…

He barely manages to process what’s happened and the fact he’s lost his brother and best-friend all in one sweep (He sees Dave in the distance, and blood roars in his ears) before Viktor’s at his side, gently holding onto his hand with the echo of grief in his eyes as Five opens the briefcase. 

The last image he sees of 1962 is the small, sad, smile of your apparition as he falls forward in time and into a world that spits at everything he ever was. 

Because there, in 2019, is Ben. 

Alive. Breathing. Whole. 

“Dad, who are these assholes?” his brother’s voice echoes through the long room, Klaus’ stomach lurching as Ben considers them without a hint of recognition. 

His heart swells and the breaks again because with that question, his brother dies again.

“Come on Ben, play nice…” To the collective surprise and horror mounting amongst his family, your gentle voice cuts through the air as you step out from behind his brother to place a hand on his shoulder. 

Flushed and lively despite being dead only a few moments prior–he’s not the only one disoriented seeing you in front of them. 

“But he does have a point,” you continue onward, uncaring of the sharp breath Allison takes (your blood is still splattered on her face) or the way Diego’s eyes dart between you and Ben; side by side, even in another life.

“Who are you and why are you here?”