Self Reflection - Blog Posts

I have my finger on the trigger,

Nothing will slip by me anymore.

Breath cut short,

Pain and fear fill me completely.

Movements have ceased to exist,

Stains spread everywhere.

And the red cries out silently for help,

Burning with sorrow, we slowly fade away.

so today i bought a journal, ripped a piece of paper out of a different old journal, and wrote "the book of people" on said piece of paper, and taped it to the cover of my new journal.

then, i skipped two pages and titled the page "mom". i proceeded to write - what i could only describe as - a letter of sorts, to my mom. now of course, she will never see this letter, nor will anyone else, so i did my best to be as truthful as i could possibly be. im not sure why but, even in my journal, i tend to censor myself a little - im not fully honest. i say i am, but im not. i did try tho.

after i finished my letter, where i wrote all my feelings towards my mother - the good and bad - i went back a page, and titled it "table of contents" and skipped a line and wrote "mom (1-4)".

the idea of this is to, essentially, write a letter to everybody in my life and fill the book up with it - a book of people.

im not sure why i wrote this or why im sharing this. but it was fun. i found that when i wrote this letter, i was able to reflect on a lot of things. able to think back on things, and see things clearer. now of course, the idea of writing things down to better process it isn't new.

i think, overall, im js excited. to write about all these people who i love. and of course, the name is "the book of people" so i have to write about the people i hate too. not fun. but idk. i js wanted to share. have a good night y'all.

"Suffering feels religious if you do it right"

Chelsea Hodson; Tonight I'm Someone Else

(X)

That interesting and seductive feeling when you look so godlike and radiate such confidence in own irresistibility it makes you ready to desire for self.

Lightened by rays of the setting sun, I looked illegally beautiful in a side mirror.

I almost hadn't expirienced it so strongly since then, and don't know when I will. Warmth and light are slipping away, so I'll just leave here this lost piece of summer and continue my transition to the phase of darkness and cold.