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Moving Forward - Blog Posts
I don’t read books backwards.
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we’re talking again. although i no longer have feelings for you, i don’t know what i should do. the friendship we once had is still one i remember well—our good conversations, the way you made me laugh, i didn’t forget it all. i don’t try to remember it but it was good while it lasted, and i’m okay with the way we are now. talking to you again just leaves me torned between keeping you for the sake of our friendship and cutting you off for the relationship i used to hope we would someday have and now no longer want.
— is it finally time to let you go? i know i’ll see you again someday, but it won’t be on our own accord. that’s not the kind of relationship we have. not talking to you or the opposite doesn’t really matter much. i don’t want anything more for us but it doesn’t change the nature of our relationship… we’re still friends after all.
if you don’t care, just don’t say anything. i don’t need your polite excuse or your fake sympathy. i don’t need your waning attention. i don’t need you to ask me how i’m doing if you can’t even pretend to attentively listen to me. don’t pretend to be my friend. don’t try to be my lover. your insincerity is showing, and i’d hate to see that as your true colours.
— don’t make me despise you even more than i do now, you’ve already tainted what’s left of all our good memories.
marina grace
i find it so ironic that after a year, you contacted me first. it was something so insignificant, just a video from our past. and yet here i was antagonising having to be the first one to reach out between us. and no, we’re not fighting, we never were—but in my head, when i decided to ghost you last year, i knew i was better off than to keep hoping for something i wasn’t even sure i want. i did it for me and i never regretted it even though sometimes i’d wonder if you wish you did more than this, try more than me.
— anyways it doesn’t matter now that a year has gone by. without you, i let myself grow into someone better. i’ve found many people who are better, and i’m more sure now than ever that i deserve someone better. thank you for reaching out to me first, even if it was over something so insignificant, i guess it won’t hurt to send you a message in reply after all.
marina grace
what would you do when you realise i no longer like you? when, instead of my attention being immediately on to you, i’m too busy with other things to care about someone that used to matter—and instead of trying to talk to you, trying to see you, staying up longer just to have your time, i’m actually just doing my own thing, caring about myself, no longer trying, no longer doing absolutely everything just to be by your side.
— how would you feel when the waves of my heart stop flowing towards you?
marina grace
i’m scared. i’m scared of the dark. i’m scared of monsters under my bed. i’m scared of public speaking. i’m scared of seeing my friends fought for something so meaningless that our friendship broke along with it. funny that i’ve always been scared of little things and you, my best friend, told me that the scariest thing in the world is never scary and i didn’t believe you but you hugged me and told me it was okay to be scared because you’ll always be here for me. and then we grew up and you found new friends and a line of people waiting to date you and left me all alone with bad excuses because we both knew you couldn’t lie. and we drifted further apart and i stared at my phone that night, wanting to call you but didn’t, watching it slowly turn to weeks then months then years. i did some self healing then and when i saw your name on my screen for the first time in forever, i was reluctant to pick up. i did anyways, not because i wanted to renewed our already damaged friendship but because in the span of a few years, i’ve grown to move forward and stop living in the past. but from your call, i can hear the sound of loud music blasting in the back, the conversation between strangers next to you and your friends cheering and yelling and swearing. you told me you were sorry and that you still regret ending our friendship so harshly but i told you it was okay and take care of yourself because i realise now that while i worked hard to move forward, you’re still stuck in the past.
— like you said, the scariest thing in the world is never scary but the things you thought weren’t scary are.
marina grace
His movement, his story, his heartbreak, everything. This was just so beautifully done and moving. You cannot hate him or this speech
Sitting in the waiting room at the psychiatrists office nervous af to be evaluated to start HRT
Coda.
The End.
Expoart #140.
(Stay tuned for new projects.)
i genuinely needed to hear this.
as much as i am passionately frustrated at the choices made, it’s honestly exhausting and slightly irrational to dwell on things that bring me misery. it just unnecessarily drains my energy.
but a shift in perspective is immensely helpful, so thank you @lookingfts for sharing your thoughts and keeping me grounded.
This will probably be the only "rant" I do following season 3, but it's something I've been thinking about all day, just seeing some of the comments here on Tumblr. You may disagree with me - that's alright.
I do not and have never agreed with the stance that the show "hates" Kanthony or that the showrunners are against the characters or the actors. You may believe that if you wish; I simply think it makes no sense for the showrunners to actively sabotage their own work, and Jonathan and Simone have clearly launched into thriving careers.
What I really want to say is: we, as the fans, do not own the characters. I, as a fic writer, do not own the characters. To say that the people in charge of canon do not "understand" the characters is very odd to me. They literally define the characters. You may think they write the characters inconsistently, which is reasonable, but ultimately, the show's writers (and Julia Quinn, if you're looking at book canon) are the ones who say what the character is or isn't, what they do or don't do. Whether you agree with their choices or not, those people on screen ARE the characters.
As fans, we borrow the characters. We create different versions of them in our heads and explore them in different contexts. We create headcanons. And it seems to me that a lot of the frustration about S3 comes down to unfulfilled headcanons. The show is under no obligation to show us certain scenes - it's entitlement to think otherwise.
I've gotten quite a few comments on fics with some variation of "you care about the characters more than the show does!" There are a MILLION reasons why that might ring true. One being that I only care about Kanthony and don't concern myself with any of the other characters, which the show is not able to do. Another being that I don't have to take into account actors' schedules, production logistics, budgets or any other of a billion considerations for the show itself. A third being that I can write from the character's POVs and get into their heads, which is also not an option in TV.
It's fine to get disappointed that something you wanted to see wasn't included. I have scenes I would have loved to see. But my personal wishes not being met are not the fault of the show.
It's fine to say that Bridgerton has less-than-stellar writing. I would argue that it always has, and if you are still shocked by that after season 3, no you're not.
It's fine to want more of the characters you love. But be reasonable about all of the logistics that might have been behind certain decisions, and do not confuse what you have built up in your head as the only "right" way to tell the story (there's no such thing).
And for the love of Tumblr - if you say you're done with the show or you're going to leave the fandom, just do it. Don't drag on the misery.