Sum1 Write A Steve X Reader Fic But The Reader Is Me. Specifically Me. Specifically BABY (who Is Me).

call me Mr. Fantastic with the way I be stretching shit to fit my agenda and in this essay I will be explaining why I think Ben Grimm and Johnny Storm are actually transgender men

Little ladies don’t belong in Sister Margaret’s.

❥ Characters: Wade Winston Wilson/Deadpool, Unnamed Stranger/Babette Clemente (OC)

❥ Warnings: Brief mention of murder, underage character at a bar, Wade being a dickhead, Wade being weirdly territorial over a bar stool, maybe ooc, self indulgent fic, no proofreading we die like Wade in the second movie then come back

❥ Summary: Wade meets a peculiar (asshole) stranger sitting on his stool in Sister Margaret’s.

Fic under cut.

Meeting new people often isn’t anything new to Wade. But it also isn’t anything new that he has to kill them immediately after. So...he doesn’t really get to meet new people, does he? It doesn’t really count, or does it? Not like it matters either way.

But when he does finally meet someone new- someone he doesn’t have to take out immediately upon introduction, he’s not exactly polite. But honestly, when is he polite? Like…basically never. Never ever, probably. Definitely.

So when Wade swaggers back into Sister Margaret’s, reeking of blood and dirt and probably whatever the hell roadkill smells like, to find some pink-haired short-stack sitting in his stool, head down so he can’t even see their ugly mug? He’s not exactly pleased. He’s especially not pleased to see it doesn’t seem like this stranger isn’t getting up anytime soon either. And so, what does he do? He does what he does best, of course! Annoy the ever loving shit out of them. Duh.

Wade slides into the stool next to them, the sound of leather rubbing against more leather causing the stranger to stir, but they remain with their head down. He sets his arm on the bar counter, head rested on his fist, and coughs, subtly. No movement. He coughs again, louder. The stranger stirs again, but still makes no move to sit up. He coughs for a third and final time, loudly, like he may throw up if he coughs one more time. The stranger groans, and looks up at Wade through their hair, glaring.

“Oh, look at that, you’re awake!” He exclaims, sounding just about as fake and sugary sweet as Regina George in that lunchroom scene. God, he’s gotta get on with watching that movie again.

“…what about it?” They ask. Their voice gives Wade a pause. They sound…young. Much too young to be somewhere like here.

He looks down at them, gaze roaming over them slowly before he looks them in the eye again. He leans forward, setting both arms down on the counter fully before speaking again.

“You know that stool you’re in? It’s mine. But you seem new here so I’ll let it slide! If you just…slide on out of it.”

“Make me.”

“…what?”

“I said. Make. Me.”

Okay. Now it’s an issue. To think, this- this stranger! This too young sounding stranger! Wouldn’t move from his stool. AND! He was asking nicely, he never asks nicely! He never asks, period!

“Okay…let’s try this again, yeah? I’m Deadpool, and you’re…getting out of my stool.”

The stranger groans, and reluctantly, sits themselves up. Now he can see their face clearly- finally, took them long enough. He leans forward a bit, squinting behind his mask as he examines their face. When he fully takes in their features, his eyes widen as he gasps, and makes a show of leaning back in realization. The asshole stranger sitting in his stool’s a teenage girl! A child! Basically a baby!

“Now what’s someone like you doin’ here, pumpkin? You’re way too young for a place like this!” He exclaims, bringing his hand up and pinching her cheek.

“Let go of me, you weirdo,” She says, pulling at Wade’s wrist with a scowl.

“Ooh, yeah, pull out all the regular teenager insults, kid. Nothin’ I’ve never heard before,” He says, pinching the other cheek now. “Well, c’mon now, pudding, let’s get you out of here!”

“I said, let go of me!” She yells, reaching into the bag in her lap; vintage juicy couture as far as Wade can tell.

“Are you one of those tweens who’s weirdly obsessed with fashion from before your time?” He asks before he’s promptly cut off with a gun being put under his chin and tipping his head back. Slowly, he pulls his hands from her now reddening cheeks.

“…sorry?” He apologizes- well, it really sounds like he’s asking more than apologizing, but it’s the thought that counts, he guesses.

“God, I should blow your brains out, I really fucking should,” She starts, before she’s cut off by Wade laughing.

“What- what? What’s so funny?”

“You? Blow my brains out? Munchkin, you can’t even drive yet, what makes you think you’ll actually shoot me-”

Wade is then shot through the skull. He stumbles back before landing on the floor with a hard thud, and for a moment, he’s still. But quickly, he regenerates, and finds his bearings. He sits up as she packs up to leave, sliding off the stool and hurrying out the door.

“You know- kids like you shouldn’t be here in the first place!” He calls after her, standing up. He looks at his stool and the nachos on the counter near it. He sits down, and shrugs.

“Bad nachos,” Wade mutters, sliding onto his stool and lifting his mask over his mouth, taking a nacho for himself. He pops one in his mouth, and hums, promising himself to find out who that girl was- who that child was, and figure out her story and all that other junk.

At least he got his stool back.

alrighty, end of fic thank you for reading if you actually did, kiss kiss hug hug I may open requests idk yet

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

PLEASE I DIDNT KNOW ALICIA WAS WHITE IN THE COMICS

honestly I’m not surprised about the move of making the girlfriend character black in show/movie adaptations for her but still what a jumpscare oh my days. she cute tho I’ll say that

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

if I said I wanted a poolverine fic where they bang and lowkey highkey eat each other crazy cannibal style id be the freak in this situation right??

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

and it if I said gotg was an emotionally devastating movie would I be crazy for that or is that something we can all agree on

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

happy pride to these specific t4t’s

+ my Stevie. there’s something queer about him and I don’t mean curious

marvel after having the best love interests for their characters ever

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

I haven’t read any fics in like 5ever WHAT is emotional constipation and cum inflation and why are they next to each other 😭

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

whatever sick bastard created baked beans I hope you’re rotting in hell you fowl fucking beast

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

marvel characters that I think should kiss based on my sorta knowledge from the few movies I watched and the comics I’ve read and my reasons. this will also include rivals characters kissing characters that ARENT in ribals (like one but I digress)

I’ve watched: CA:TFA, CA:TWS, Fantastic Four (2005), Guardians of the galaxy (1), all 3 dp movies, Into the spiderverse, Venom (1), Thor love and thunder

I’ve read: Winter Soldier (2018-19), Avenging Spider-Man Annual, Deadpool (2022-23), New Fantastic Four (2022), most of Deadpool (2022-23)

MCU:

Steve and Bucky: for obvious reasons me thinks

DP and (worst) Wolverine: also for obvious reasons

Starlord and DP: i think therye both strange enough to match each others freak in different ways but. yk.

DP and most of the main adult cast in the first two movies

Venom and Eddie: chemistry is so crazy insane that they broke up and then kissed and got back together quite literally

Vanessa (dp’s love interest) and Worst Wolverine: i want them to cuck Wade (joke…for the most part)

Comics + extras:

Harrower and Valentine Vuong: because i think it’d be funny

hinestly I can’t really think of anyone else atm but wutevaaa..so extras it is

If any character has multiple love interests, the love interests should kiss

Squirrel Girl and DP: I know dp is gonna be added to rivals (I think so at least) but I think they’d be fun since they’re both canonically annoying to b around and I just think it’d be fine

Alright that’s enough if you actually read this whole thing through thank you for reading my word vomit I love you okay bye

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝