melodic-breakdown

Latest Posts by melodic-breakdown

if i cannot control you

i do not want you

but i know i cannot control you

and i know i don't want to.

if you set me aside

i will bite deep

if you set me aside

i will walk away

as i've been trained to do.

i lift my tail high

i walk tall

i do not see you

if i keep my eyes closed.

you do not love me

but i love you

i love you

i love you

even though neither of us want me to.

mouth of the dog by laika wallace

Missing your abusive ex is so confusing. Obviously I don’t miss the way I was treated but I miss who he was on the good days, I miss parts of his personality and the way he thought and moved himself. I still care for him, even though he has been so awful to me. What do I do with these feelings??

Questions to ask when you have negative thoughts

“Never under-estimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.” – Germany Kent

Questions to ask when you have negative thoughts include:

1. What is the evidence that says this thought is true?

2. What evidence contradicts this thought?

3. Where does this thought come from?

4. Who has said this about me in the past?

5. What was their motivation at the time?

6. Should I allow that person to shape my thoughts and life?

7. What is the thought trying to tell me/ make me believe?

8. Why am I allowing limiting thoughts to bring me down?

9. How can I effectively challenge this thought?

10. Am I ready to let this thought or belief go?

11. Am I ready to heal; what tells me I’m ready to heal?

12. What can I do to start this process now?

ronie_sunsetlover on ig

Rebirth I Tomasz Artur Bolek

You disgust me and yet I still feel something for you

— r.r.

Abuse comes in waves. So does pain.

You spent months being civil with each other, kind even. They do things for you, buy you clothes, groceries, say nice things and ask about your day. And you start to forget. You start to feel guilty. Why did I hate them? Why was I angry? Why did I want to leave? That was awfully mean of me. They need me. If I leave, they'll be all alone.

Then it all comes crashing down. One little thing lights up the flames and sparks a reaction. It happens fast, but feels like it lasts a lifetime. They say "things they didn't really mean", they "let anger get the best of them", and you're at the receiving end, scared, alone and not able to react.

And you start to remember. You place this memory with all the others, like a bunch of crystal ornaments on a shelf. You start noticing the patterns. You even make excuses for them. I was too loud, too aggressive, too mean. I deserved it. I deserve this.

Hours later, when you're safe and sound in your room, the reaction finally hits. You cry and sob, you want to scream but know you can't. You want to leave but have nowhere to go. You have no choice but to stay put and feel the pain. The pain from this moment and all the others that preceeded it. The pain from all the chances you had to leave but didn't take. The pain from all the instances you believed they changed.

And you know, once they wake up, it'll be like it never happened. Kind words and kind gestures, all over again. And you have no choice but to play along, otherwise who knows what might happen.

Every week. Every month. Every year. A new little crystal ornament for my collection. A new memory for me to obsess over and try to prove to myself that it wasn't that bad, that I barely got hurt, that it could've been worse.

I wonder how long it'll take for the next ornament to arrive. I wonder if I'll have enough space for it on the shelve.

ill never be good enough.

in pain;

“No matter how honestly you open up to someone, there are still things you cannot reveal.”

— Haruki Murakami, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage  (via perrfectly)

i look in the mirror, i lose my mind a little, i cry on public transport, i walk through a fluorescent supermarket, i have slow and confusing dreams at night. you know how it is

ok no offense but some of us *looks pointedly at self in mirror* need to fucking chill

Punishing yourself today won’t change yesterday.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

It broke my heart. Again. Again. And again.

(30/365) by (AF)

Sometimes, the best way to be happy is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to that are no longer good for you.

(via alterated)

Confidence is not 'they will like me' Confidence is 'I'll be fine if they don't'"

I aim to be lionhearted, but my hands still shake and my voice isn’t quite loud enough.

Michelle K., Earning Your Roar  (via thequotejournals)

Nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it.

Unknown (via childmagazine)

I’m a little different now because of you.

Rachel Wolchin (via quotemadness)

I had lost my mind and fallen into my heart.

Dan Millman (via quotemadness)