The Name "theresa" Is So Funny Like. Theres A What

We created the halfling goncharov

Concept: a D&D-style fantasy setting where humanity’s weird thing is that we’re the only sapient species that reproduces organically.

Dwarves carve each other out of rock. In theory this can be managed alone, but in practice, few dwarves have mastered all of the necessary skills. Most commonly, it’s a collaborative effort by three to eight individuals. The new dwarf’s body is covered with runes that are in part a recounting of the crafters’ respective lineages, and in part an elaboration of the rights and duties of a member of dwarven society; each dwarf is thus a living legal argument establishing their own existence.

Elves aren’t made, but educated. An elf who wishes to produce offspring selects an ordinary animal and begins teaching it, starting with house-breaking, and progressing through years of increasingly sophisticated lessons. By gradual degrees the animal in question develops reasoning, speech, tool use, and finally the ability to assume a humanoid form at will. Most elves are derived from terrestrial mammals, but there’s at least one community that favours octopuses and squid as its root stock.

Goblins were created by alchemy as servants for an evil wizard, but immediately stole their own formula and rebelled. New goblins are brewed in big brass cauldrons full of exotic reagents; each village keeps a single cauldron in a central location, and emerging goblings are raised by the whole community, with no concept of parentage or lineage. Sometimes they like to add stuff to the goblin soup just to see what happens – there are a lot of weird goblins.

Halflings reproduce via tall tales. Making up fanciful stories about the adventures of fictitious cousins is halfling culture’s main amusement; if a given individual’s story is passed around and elaborated upon by enough people, a halfling answering to that individual’s description just shows up one day. They won’t necessarily possess any truly outlandish abilities that have been attributed to them – mostly you get the sort of person of whom the stories could be plausible exaggerations.

To address the obvious question, yes, this means that dwarves have no cultural notion of childhood, at least not one that humans would recognise as such. Elves and goblins do, though it’s kind of a weird childhood in the case of elves, while with halflings it’s a toss-up; mostly they instantiate as the equivalent of a human 12–14-year-old, and are promptly adopted by a loose affiliation of self-appointed aunts and uncles, though there are outliers in either direction.

500 notes and I will post my most ironic outfit

dimmadon't forget

surprisingly, this still remains probably the best and most concise explanation as to why the harry potter franchise didn't work and never could work in a satisfying way because of the author's limited perception of life and politics

i know we joke about cis artists having the weirdest sense of anatomy, but also even when the anatomy is fine, no one seems to want to draw women doing normal things

reblog to give warm bread to your mutuals

here's a bunch of spongebob titlecards i hoarded

I for one have always advocated for the 13 month calender

Every month is exactly 4 weeks long, its just perfect

(This also means the extra non-month day is also a non-week day)

I will vote for your party if it exists in my country. If not, i would love to create a local branch

i think the year should be split into 13 28-day months with one bonus non-month day at the very end where nobody is allowed to work, including the police, which would effectively make all crime legal.

on leap years this would last two days instead.

the 13th month would be placed between august and september and be called "sextember" because that would be really funny.

additionally, i would shift the start of the calendar year up three months, so that the month numbers of sextember, september, october, november, and december once again align with their names. the fact that this would make april the start of the year is purely a coincidence.

all computers not patched for this new calendar system by the time of its implementation would be destroyed indiscriminately, which would cause a lot of problems that my party will be committed to not solving.

VOTE FOR THE APRIL CALENDAR PARTY THIS ELECTION

#SHIT

i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

"Elk Centaur" by Francois Lelong

Stevens Point Sculpture Park, Wisconsin, USA