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Latest Posts by girldelinquent - Page 2
My father called early this morning. He told me someone had died, I didn’t know what else to say so I quoted Genesis 3:19, “For you are from dust and to dust you shall return.” I’m not sure if that was the right thing to say, he tells me it’s sad but it’s time. Before he hangs up he tells me that he loves me. He leans close to me, close enough to see my pupils. They reflect his image back to him and that is when he loves me.
I feel everything so heavily that the death of a small animal, a raccoon, a bee, a dragonfly, a bunny, feels the same to me as the death of a family member. Actually, this is a lie, shamefully I have cried over the glossy eyes of motionless roadkill where I have not even teared up for people who once held me when I could not yet walk or speak. Family members have gripped my wrists, pulled me in and told me of how insensitive, how inconsiderate and selfish I can be. But the bugs land on my fingers, the bunnies and birds sit in the grass across the yard, they stare at me as I stare back. We share secrets through glances. They die in the dry heat, they’re hit by an SUV, they starve, they overindulge and I cry out to the sky, I visit the places in which they went to rest, I clutch my hands over my mouth. Grandparents and estranged uncles die but I don’t cry, I think that I should feel sorry, but I think it may be worse to have cried for the sake of performance.
Hi! I’m Nina and I write
Guts - Nina Catherine (Amazon ebook & paperback)
July Was Suicide
My father is a pragmatic man and i’d like to think that I am similar to him in that way. One day last summer we went on a drive together, it was mid july and suffocatingly hot. I parked under a tree, rolled my window down and turned to look out of it. I asked him if he thinks it was immoral for him to father me. He isn’t confused in the slightest, he knows exactly what I mean. He is my father after all. He says, “there’s so much war and pain nina and you didn’t ask for this.”
You want magic and I can’t say with my chest that I think you’re wrong in wanting that. But I can say that you’re fatally stupid, which might be the best thing to be. Maybe it isn’t even magic you want but rule and order. You want hardship to bear fruit. For things that go up to come back down.
Guts - Nina Catherine
