(Inconvenient) Sentient Object Generator

D&D Ambient Spotify Playlist

Making Choices Matter

When a player makes a choice in the game, they want that to matter.

That sounds extremely simple. No shit, right?

But that's actually something that I think a lot of GMs overlook, or don't realize.

When your player makes a choice during character creation, picking an offball skill or a weird feat or a strange subclass, they are literally communicating to the GM: "I'm interested in this."

I've made this opinion before, but in my opinion the true core tenet of GMing a game is to cater to your players. After all, you're putting on a little show for them. They're your friends, and you deserve to have fun as well, of course; but they are making decisions and they would love it if those decisions mattered.

This came up because there's a new playtest for the Dragon Game and in it, Paladins are no longer immune to disease or able to cure it with their Lay On Hands feature. I saw a post that said, "[That feature] made using diseases trivial in a game with a paladin."

I argue: The entire point of taking the feature is so that you can use diseases and let the Paladin player feel cool.

I would actually include disease in a game that otherwise did not include it, if we had a Paladin in the party. I would go out of my way to do that.

Because it's really cool if you say, "Okay, everyone who failed the save now has a disease," and the Paladin player pipes up and goes, "Wait a minute! I'm immune to disease! Fuck yeah!" The player feels super cool now. And if they're high enough level, the Paladin can use Lay on Hands to make their friends cured of the disease. That's something that literally no other character in the game would be capable of!

But this other person...they're just gonna never include disease in the game if they have a Paladin in the party, because they don't want to see the players succeed, I guess. Which, to me, is fundamentally the wrong approach to having a fun time with your friends.

I design these challenges to be overcome. I know as soon as I put a huge fucked up monster in front of them and say, "Haha, this thing has 3 attacks and legendary actions, you guys are fucked," the whole point is for them to destroy it. The entire reason I have this monster here is for them to kill it and win.

If your player makes a choice and you never cater to it, they have wasted that choice. This player wanted to be immune to disease! They thought it would be super cool if the enemy spewed out some horrifying shit that grows boils on your skin or whatever and they get to just go, "Nope, I don't even have to make a save, I'm literally immune to it. Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!" But because they have a bad GM who doesn't cater to their players, and in fact plays against them, they never get to have that cool moment. It never happens for them. They wasted their choice.

And I think the worst thing a GM can do is waste a player choice. They could have picked something else, but they didn't, and now they get nothing, and that sucks.

Now, the dragon game is FULL of choices. You aren't obligated to include disease for every game you have a Paladin in. That's ludicrous. A class, especially in 5e, is a huge package of multiple features and ideas, and it's basically impossible to cater to and include every single one throughout the campaign. Some of it you'll just fucking forget exists. Hopefully, you are a good GM, and communicate to your players when they make a character. Hey, Divine Health isn't even a feature you have to pick, you just get it. So maybe your Paladin player couldn't give a shit less about it. No harm, no foul. But to outright say, "I'm never using disease in a game with a Paladin," is pretty absurd to me.

It’s 2 am. Ideas that might make your combat encounters spicier.

1. Damage control. Force your players between choosing to fighting and keeping their environment intact. Make them fight in a crowded area and make them chose between putting out fires, rescuing people, or keeping peace versus attacking or following enemies.

2. Shooting the messenger. Make your initiative a chase scene. Have one or a few enemies high-tail it for backup, and if the messengers succeed, the tables turn hard against the players. Make them race through crowds, through difficult terrain, across rooftops, through other enemy forces, to get to the messenger.

3. Silence. Put both the enemy force and the players into a spot where they have to stay quiet or they both get hurt. Ex, sleeping monster nearby, avalanche, alerting guards, ect. bonus points if you enforce no talking even OOC.

4. Hide and Seek. Make the players hide from or fight a creature, monster, or enemy that relies on hearing alone. Bonus points if it’s incredibly dark or the player’s perception senses are also significantly hindered in some way. EXTRA bonus points if they’re already weakened or injured so they can’t fight directly or through brute force.

5. Creative workaround. Take away usual player resources (spells, weapons, usual playstyle, ect) and put them somewhere they have to try something new. Ex, melee fighters without their weapons at a fancy gathering. Casters in an anti-magic zone or magic immune / magic eating enemies. players who like to use movement in tight quarters. the min-max player gets outnumbered. the shy player gets the focus. ect.

6. Enemies to friends. Have the enemy force and the player party work together so they don’t all perish- but for how long? ex. sinking ship, burning or collapsing building, common enemy, ect.

7. Air combat. If you don’t already have griffins, birds, Pegasuses, dragons, airships or other sky mounts / vehicles in you game, wtf are you doing?? Take the fight to the sky.

8. Delivery. Similar to shooting the messenger, but the player party has to reach their destination before they get caught or downed. Useful if they’re escaping with valuable information, person / hostage, item, ect.

9. Switcharoo. Body-swap your players and have them switch their sheets, or polymorph them into other creatures. Preferably impose a time-constraint so that they’re pressured to move faster rather than read and entirely understand new sheets. Maximum chaos.

'Forged monk with one (1) scrapped tool and the final version, a microwave. Please don't reuse without permission.

Random Faction Builder

How many pies do they have their proverbial fingers in? (1d10)

1-4. They are tightly focused on their singular area of influence. Roll once on the following table. 5-6. Roll twice on the following table. The first result is the field they openly deal in, or what those who know them mostly know them for. The second result is the field they are secretly trying to infiltrate or influence. 7. They serve as a mediary between two spheres, or between certain groups within two spheres. Roll twice on the following table. 8. Roll three times on the following table. The first two results are the fields they openly deal in, or what those who know them mostly know them for. The third result is the field they are secretly trying to infiltrate or influence. 9. They’re jugglers, jacks of all trades. Roll three times on the following table for areas they regularly deal in, plus one time for a field they have their sights on breaking into. 10. They’re everywhere. Roll once on the following table for the one circle they can’t show their faces in anymore.

1d6 Circles of Influence:

1. Government/Politics/Law Enforcement 2. Religion/Faith/Cults 3. Crime/Black Market/Underworld 4. Guilds/Trades/Organized Labor 5. Business/Merchants/Corporations 6. Knowledge/Information/Research

Now, roll 4d6 and assign one die to each of the following attributes, then look at the total on the last table:

Group Size

1. Just a few people devoted to a cause. 2. Enough people that it’s hard to get them all in a meeting together, but not enough people to really split into multiple sub-groups. 3. Enough people to crew a large vessel 4. A pretty big group, church congregation sized. 5. Enough people to populate a neighborhood. 6. If this entire group mobilized it would be a full-scale army.

Financial Power

1. Broke. It’d be a dream just to break even. 2. Surviving. They can get what they need, but can’t afford to expand or to have a large unforeseen expense. 3. Middling. Can use money to further their agenda but must be selective about doing so. 4. Comfortable. This group can afford to make investments. 5. Well-off. Their investments are paying off. 6. Rolling in it. They can solve most problems by throwing money at them.

Age of Faction

1. Brand new. This faction hasn’t existed long enough to have done anything of note. 2. Recent. This faction is probably still made up mostly of founding members, but has had time to make a name for itself. 3. Established. People remember this faction being founded. It may have some original members, but if it does they are old. 4. Pretty Old. This group was established before the oldest currently living generation was born, but in the lifetime of their parents or grandparents. 5. Old. This group was founded hundreds of years ago and has played a roll in many historical events. 6. Ancient. This group may predate the current civilization, and is seen all throughout history books.

Expertise

1. Bumbling. This group is incompetent and lacks basic knowledge. 2. Shoddy. They know just enough to get themselves into trouble. 3. Mediocre. There are no experts in this group but they have meaningful skills. 4. Competent. This group employs some actual experts but still has real gaps in their abilities. 5. Highly skilled. They may not be the absolute best in the business but this group can use skill to address most challenges. 6. Only the Best. This group has a reputation for their expertise.

Total - Overall Faction Influence

4-8  Nobodies. Who even are these losers? 9-12  Small fish in a big pond. This faction has an impact on certain individuals or niches, but are still unimportant enough that none of the big players pay them any mind 13-16  Up and Coming. Enough influence that they need to be careful not to upset the highest tier factions lest they get squashed. 17-20  The big leagues. This faction has a great deal of power but is not infallible. 21-24  Powerhouses. If there is only one faction at this level, they are functionally in charge of the society. If there are multiple factions at this level, their conflicts and machinations can have devastating fallout for ordinary people.

Exciting Side Quest Idea #2:

Have the party be kidnapped! They wake up, wearing commoner clothes, and all of their items gone.

They only have an empty waterskin and 2 days worth of rations.

They are then hunted by the people who captured them (a small party of nobles with a 1-2 level advantage on the players).

What a horrible way to define a word. “Okay, we need a good way to explain what a dime is. Should I show somebody purchasing something, or making change for a dollar, or anything indicating its value? No, I’m going to show a witch turning it into a frog.”

Homebrew Spells

hi! mixing things up a bit with some homebrew spells i've designed to be used in my own campaigns. maybe they'd fit yours! let me know what y'all think!

Random D&D Spells!

(based on this post)

This is a list of 100 strange, offbeat, and questionable D&D spells. There's more where these came from, but I decided I was going to post them in sets of 100, for convenience.

Suggested usage: I imagine a spell-scroll "gumball machine" that randomly dispenses spells to players based on a roll of a d100.

Not all of these spells are particularly useful and many are very much a "use at your own risk" sort of thing. The "random spell dispenser" will be more fun once there are more spells, since there will be more "overly specific" or useless spells, but have fun with these!

Electrocuting Noose (Level 2)—You braid a rope of lightning and roll to hit a creature within 30 feet of you. If successful, the rope tightens around the neck of the entity you select, causes 1d6 lightning damage, and pulls the creature 10 feet into the air, where it must make a Strength saving throw equal to your spell save DC or take an additional 2d6 damage.

Levitate Deer (Level 1)—You use an action to cause a deer within 50 feet of you to levitate for 45 minutes. It has a flying speed of 15 feet for the duration.

Freshwater Authority (Level 1)—You move to a pond, river, stream, or other freshwater body of water and summon a being made of water weeds and algae wearing a suit and tie, which bestows upon you 1d10 to add to your next Wisdom, Charisma, or Intelligence check or saving throw.

Complaint Invisibility (Level 2)—For 30 seconds, you complain loudly about an object or creature no larger than 10 feet in diameter in all directions, causing it to become invisible for 25 minutes or until you end the spell (by complimenting the object or creature).

Plaid Striking (Cantrip)—When you hit with a melee weapon, the creature or object hit is covered with a colorful plaid pattern until your next turn.

Torturing Counterexample (Level 2)—When an entity within 30 feet of you is successfully revived after their hit points drop to 0, you summon a frightening image of that entity’s dead body, showing what would have happened if the affected entity were not successfully revived. This image follows closely behind the affected entity, as if undead, for two hours or until you end the spell. Whenever an ally within a 30 foot radius of the affected entity and their image rolls a critical failure, the image will cling to the arm or wrist of a nearby ally of the affected entity and say something like “Why couldn’t you save me?” or “I didn’t want to die this way!” causing all allies that can hear to take 1d10 psychic damage.

Delousing Stab (Level 1)—For the next 12 hours, any creature you stab with a bladed weapon of any kind is instantly cleansed of lice. The weapon still does the usual amount of damage.

Crystal Flare (Level 2)—You hold a crystal of quartz or some mineral and cause it to glow brightly for the next 5 minutes; for 24 hours, you can instantly get 5 more minutes of light from the crystal by touching it again. The light illuminates everything in a 20 foot radius, dissipates magical darkness in a 20 foot radius, and unless obstructed it can be seen up to 3 miles away.

Dirtying Stun (Cantrip)—You gather a ball of mud or other filth to throw at a creature within range. If you successfully hit them, they have disadvantage on their next saving throw and are knocked prone.

Respiratory Brightness(Cantrip)—Your lungs appear to give off a bright glow from within your ribcage, and each breath you exhale appears as a cloud of bright mist in front of your face before dissipating. This is visible even in magical darkness and lasts for 5 hours or until you end the spell.

Fireproof Finger (Cantrip)—For 10 minutes, the index finger of your dominant hand is immune to fire damage.

Dark Whisk (Level 1) —You summon a whisk made of shadow and beat a nearby shadow as if making meringue. Magical darkness expands from the area you are whisking in a radius that increases by 1 foot for every 15 seconds you do this. If you whisk for more than 8 minutes, the darkness falls apart and dissipates because you over-beat it.

Shredding Surgery (Level 2)—You seize three or more daggers or sharp knives of any type (up to 12), thread, and a sewing needle, select a creature within 10 feet of you, and roll to hit for each blade (all of this is a single action). That creature must make a Dexterity saving throw with a DC equal to your spell save DC. If failing, they take 2d4 slashing damage for each knife that hits as the knives become animated and cut randomly into their body. The damage increases by 1d4 for each higher level you use to cast the spell. Immediately afterward, the sewing needle becomes animated and stitches their wounds haphazardly, causing an additional 1d4 piercing damage. The creature must make a Constitution saving throw with a DC of 10. If failing, they take an additional 1d12 necrotic damage as the wounds become infected; otherwise, they heal 1d8 hit points.

Prying Twilight (Level 1)—During the period of dusk or dawn, you gain advantage on skill checks to open doors and containers, locked or unlocked.

Topiary Eluding (Level 1)—Using an action, you change a nearby shrub or tree into a realistic topiary in your likeness, causing the next attack directed at you to be directed at the topiary instead. Projectiles aimed at you will hit the topiary, and enemies attempting to hit you will find themselves hitting the topiary.

Ferret Commentary (Level 1)—As an action, you cause a talking illusion of a ferret to appear and to comment on events and activities in your surroundings for 20 minutes. The ferret follows the spellcaster, walking through the air at about chest height. The comments are typically good-natured, highly rambling and distractible, and often reminiscent of a sports commentator.

Roving Tambourine (Level 1)—Summons a magical tambourine, which roams randomly over an area of up to 1 square mile as if carried and shaken by a person for 24 hours or until the caster ends the spell.

Intimidating Carcass (Level 3)—You enchant the carcass of any animal to walk behind you, granting you an automatic +10 to intimidation for the spell’s duration. After 15 minutes, the carcass flops to the ground again like an ordinary carcass.

Freckle Appearing (Cantrip)—You point at the skin of a creature you can see within 10 feet, causing a freckle to appear where you point.

Woodsy Thwarting (Level 1)—In any area covered with trees or shrubs, you can, as a bonus action, halve the movement of up to 3 entities that you can see until your next turn.

Lube Region (Cantrip)—Produces a slippery magical water-based substance that continuously lubricates an area of your choice up to 1 foot in diameter for 15 minutes or until you end the spell. After the spell ends, the substance evaporates.

Moose Troubleshooting (Level 1)—Summons a moose that gives you the power to reroll an Insight or Investigation check up to 4 times. However, it causes a -3 debuff to all your rolls. This ability can be used once per long rest.

Hemorrhage Illumination(Cantrip)—For 10 minutes, whenever you bleed the blood gives off light illuminating objects it touches or stains. This is visible in magical darkness up to 20 feet away.

Fox Purging (Level 1)—You speak a word of power, causing all foxes to be forcefully propelled out of a sphere with a 90-foot radius centered on the caster.

Mollusk Radar (Level 2)—For 15 minutes, you can sense the location of any mollusks within 300 feet of you. This ability can be used only once per long rest.

Sparing Dazzle (Level 1)—As a bonus action, you touch a nearby creature or entity, causing them to sparkle brightly like snow in sunlight and to be unaffected by any spell cast in the next 12 seconds with an area effect. This lasts until your next turn.

Forging Repulsion (Level 2)—You hold a small metal object tightly in your fist and summon arcane power, causing red-hot metal bars to appear around you, cool immediately to the color of the metal object you are holding, and push outward from you, forcing all entities and creatures that fail a Strength saving throw with a DC of 20 out of a circle with a 5-foot radius centered on the caster. Each level above 2nd that you use to cast the spell expands the radius of the circle by 5 feet.

Optimism Scorch (Level 1)—You make a confident, positive assertion about the near future and roll Persuasion. Any entity that can hear you that is successfully persuaded (whether your optimistic assertion is positive or negative to them) takes 1d6 fire damage.

Caustic Seesaw (Level 2)—You cast a spell that falls over you and one another creature you choose within 40 feet of you, lasting for 6 minutes. As you cast the spell, the creature you choose immediately takes 1d6 acid damage and is propelled 15 feet into the air for 6 seconds. When the current turn ends, the creature descends safely to the ground, and you take 1d6 acid damage and are propelled 15 feet into the air. After 6 seconds, you safely descend to the ground and the creature you choose is propelled again into the air and takes an additional 1d6 acid damage. This continues, with the spell’s effect alternating every 6 seconds, until the spell ends, until your hit points or the creature’s hit points drop to 0, or until you use an action on your turn to end the spell. (If you are in the air on your turn, ending the spell will cause you to fall 15 feet.)

Hail Pounding (Level 2)—You select a creature within 40 feet of you and roll a d10, then roll to hit that number of times. Large hailstones fly from a storm cloud that gathers above the creature you selected and hit the creature once for every successful hit, each dealing 1d6 bludgeoning damage.

Clown Chase (Level 2)—Summons a pack of 3-6 frightening clowns, which chase a creature of your choice for 3 minutes in a direction of your choice. That creature’s movement speed increases by 30 feet per turn for the duration, but they become frightened and must flee from the clowns.

Starlight Filibuster (Level 1)— When an entity you can see attempts an action while situated where the stars are visible, you can use an action to postpone their action until starlight fades from the sky at dawn.

Circular Igniting (Level 1)—You pick a point within 50 feet of you. Objects and entities along the edge of a circle with a radius of 12 feet, centered on the point you choose, catch fire, taking 1d4 fire damage. Objects within the circle and outside it are unharmed.

Blasting Putrefying (Level 6)—You summon a blast of decay and rot in a straight line emanating 60 feet from you. Any food that falls within this line rots, plant material dies, and living creatures take 4d8 necrotic damage. Additionally, any creature within 15 feet of falling on the line must make a Constitution saving throw with a DC equal to your spell save DC or start gagging and vomiting for the next 30 seconds. Undead creatures are unaffected.

Paw Transplanting (Level 1)—You enchant the paws of an animal within 10 feet of you, causing its paws to trade places with your hands for 25 minutes. You will be able to use the paws as though they were part of your own body, and the animal will be able to do the same with your hands.

Pervading Agony (Level 4)—You focus on your most painful and horrific memories, causing you and everyone within 20 feet of you to make a Wisdom saving throw, taking 5d4 psychic damage if failing and half damage if successful. If the caster fails, the spell ends, but if the caster succeeds, everyone within 20 feet including the caster must make a Constitution saving throw or have their movement reduced to 5 feet per turn for the duration of the spell and their vision reduced to 15 feet in any direction. The 5d4 psychic damage and Wisdom saving throw is repeated on each turn beginning in the spell’s effects. The spell lasts until the caster fails a Wisdom saving throw (failing the Constitution saving throw will reduce the caster’s vision and movement, but will not end the spell).

Ignited Trial (Level 1)—You challenge an entity to perform a feat that you choose (requiring a skill/ability check.) If they accept the challenge and successfully perform the feat, they catch fire and take 2d8 fire damage.

Dagger Redouble (Level 1)—You touch a dagger. Any hits made using that dagger until the spellcaster’s next turn automatically do double damage as a second dagger appears to materialize and follow the first dagger’s movements.

Labyrinthine Negation (Level 2)—You summon an aura of confusion around yourself stretching to a radius of 50 feet, which lasts until your next turn. Projectiles, spells and effects that travel in a straight line, when entering the area affected by the spell, will turn and loop around in a maze-like pattern of detours until they hit the ground or dissipate without reaching their intended targets.

Entity Janitor (Level 1)—You summon a strange entity, impossible to fully comprehend to the mortal mind. For the next hour, the entity will attempt to clean anything within a 50 foot radius it perceives as dirty. This includes anything with hair, anything visibly wet, anything covered in grass or foliage, and anything shiny or reflective. The janitor has an AC of 12 and carries an ordinary mop, spray bottle, bucket, and rag to clean with, and disappears if hit by an attack, though all attack rolls against it have disadvantage.

Redirect Dew (Level 1)—You use an action to gather up all the dew in a 30 foot radius of you and redirect it into a container or onto a point of your choice.

Charring Convalescence (Level 1)—You select a creature you can touch. That creature instantly heals 1d12 hit points while simultaneously taking 1d12 fire damage.

Enamel Laceration (Level 1)—You touch a piece of enamel, such as a tooth, which the spell consumes. Roll to hit a creature within 50 feet of you. If you are successful, they take 4d4 slashing damage from enamel shards lacerating their flesh.

Allergenic Ripple (Level 1)—A wave of magic ripples outward from you, causing itchy skin and sniffles in creatures within a 15 foot radius. All creatures within this radius must make a Constitution saving throw (DC:5) or begin the next turn with disadvantage due to being distractingly itchy. Any creatures who roll critical failures enter anaphylactic shock and their hit points drop immediately to zero.

Nameless Eggplant (Cantrip)—You summon an eggplant. Anyone who sees, touches, or otherwise becomes aware of the eggplant’s presence must make a Wisdom saving throw (DC: 20) If failing, they will be unable to identify, describe, or refer to the eggplant using any word. (This also applies to the person who cast the spell).

Enraging Insulter (Level 1)—An entity you choose within 50 feet of you is followed by a loud voice which shouts insulting comments at them for 10 minutes. If the entity begins their turn under the spell’s influence, they must make a Wisdom saving throw (DC: 8). If failing, they will be compelled to disengage from combat and angrily argue with the voice until their next turn.

Unhinged Decay (Level 3)—An enemy you choose within 30 feet immediately takes 6d6 necrotic damage. On their next turn, the nearest entity to them within 30 feet must make a Wisdom saving throw (DC: 15). If failing, they too take 6d6 necrotic damage and also prompt the nearest unaffected entity within range to make a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw on beginning their next turn, which in turn will have the same effect. There is no limit to the number of entities that can be affected at once. The spell ends only when all affected entities are killed or when all affected entities begin their turns with no one else in range.

Maiming Lecture (Level 4)—You sternly lecture an entity that can hear you and understand your language for one minute, causing them to make a Wisdom saving throw with a DC equal to your Performance roll when you are finished. If you are not interrupted and they fail the save, they take 3d10 slashing damage.

Appraising Sabre (Level 1)—You touch a bladed weapon of any type, causing it to become enchanted. For twenty-four hours, when any object is damaged by the weapon, a voice emitted from the weapon will announce the initial monetary value of the item and the cost of the damage done, becoming audibly agitated if the item is destroyed or damaged beyond repair. The weapon will not appraise enemies themselves but will appraise their weapons and armor.

Circumvent Glassware (Level 1)—For 10 minutes, all parts of your body will be able to pass through glass objects as though they were air, making you unable to touch, interact with, or pick up anything made of glass.

Disquieting Bleeding (Level 1)—You touch an entity, causing them to constantly ooze blood without any visible wounds for one hour. This has no harmful effects but it is disquieting.

Reviving Quip (Level 1)—You say something snappy and clever over your fallen companion’s body, which revives them with 1d8 HP.

Soapy Glide (Level 1)—A slippery foam of soap bubbles forms beneath you, which grants you an additional 20 feet of movement per turn for the spell’s duration (12 minutes). The momentum of your slippery gliding also grants you an additional +2 to hit. However, if you are hit by an enemy, you will slip and be knocked prone.

Misplace Carcass (Level 1)—You touch an animal carcass and visualize a location within 300 feet of you, which causes it to be teleported to a location within 300 feet that isn’t the one you thought of.

Induced Frolic (Level 1)—A creature within 30 feet of you must make a Charisma saving throw with a DC equal to your spell save DC. If failing, they become charmed and skip and bound happily about for 10 minutes, disengaging from combat and disregarding anything happening around them, though they may repeat their saving throw on their turn.

Grime Council (Level 2)—You summon a group of nine to twelve filthy, humanoid creatures dressed in heavily soiled aristocratic finery, which bestow favor or disfavor on any entity you select within 40 feet of you. Entities favored by the council will receive advantage on a type of check or saving throw of your choice, and an additional 10 temporary hit points, for 24 hours. Entities disfavored receive disadvantage and their max HP is lowered by 10 for the same period. Favor or disfavor is bestowed based on how visibly dirty they are, with extremely filthy entities being favored.

Puny Hailstorm (Level 1)—Causes a handful of small hailstones to fall from the sky over a 10 foot radius centered at a point within 30 feet of the caster. Entities within that radius must make a Dexterity saving throw (DC: 5) to avoid being hit by a hailstone; if failing, they take 1 point of damage.

Boniest Discomfort (Cantrip)—Up to 3 creatures that you can see must make a Wisdom saving throw with a DC equal to your spell save DC. If they fail, they are made very uncomfortable by the sensation of skeleton hands touching them.

Coarsen Undershirt (Cantrip)—You use an action to make the undershirt or other equivalent inner clothing layer of an entity you can touch coarser and more uncomfortable.

Oceanic Strengthening (Level 1)—For either the duration of your turn or for one ability check or saving throw, you receive a +5 to strength on top of any additional bonuses, provided you are in contact with seawater.

Venom Godmother (Level 2)—You allow yourself to be stung or bitten by a venomous animal, which allows you to summon a wasp-like fairy creature that claims to be your Venom Godmother. The Venom Godmother offers you three wishes, which will be granted as long as they are for non-magical venomous animals. If you wish for something that is not a venomous animal, the Venom Godmother will disappear and have to be summoned again.

Confetti Bafflement (Cantrip)—You throw confetti in someone’s face. They gain disadvantage on their next Wisdom saving throw.

Crepe Stockpile (Level 1)—Summons a pocket dimension that can be used to hold a finite but incredibly large amount of crepes (equivalent to a large warehouse). Crepes stored in the crepe stockpile do not go bad and are always in the exact condition they were in when placed. The pocket dimension remains open for 120 seconds at a time when the spell is cast. When it closes, any object within the pocket dimension that is not a crepe or an acceptable topping or filling for a crepe will result in the destruction of the pocket dimension and all crepes within, and the ejection of the non-crepe object.

Tranquility Slap (Level 1)—You meditate on a peaceful, serene image for one minute. For the next 10 minutes, any entity you slap with your open palm will become Charmed by you and seek out a peaceful place to lie down and relax.

Catastrophic Moonbeam (Level 3)—You look directly at the moon and draw its light toward you, causing a pure white moonbeam to focus itself over you and descend around you in a 15 foot radius, dealing 1d12 radiant damage during a crescent moon, 2d12 damage during a half moon, 3d12 damage during a gibbous moon, and 4d12 damage during a full moon. If the moon is not visible to you, the spell has no effect.

Seasick Roil (Level 1)—You choose a location within 30 feet of you. All entities within a 10 foot radius of that location feel the ground tilt and sway beneath them like the deck of a ship, and must make a Constitution saving throw equal to your spell save DC. If failing, they become seasick until your next turn and must make an additional Dexterity saving throw to avoid being knocked prone.

Kinglier Lettering (Cantrip)—You run your finger or hand across written or carved lettering, which causes it to be written in a fancier and more kingly-looking font.

Frostbite Hurling (Level 1)—You roll to hit any creature within range with a thrown projectile. On a successful hit that creature takes 1d10 cold damage and its movement is halved for its next two turns.

Menacing Trash (Level 1)—You enchant a pile of garbage or refuse at least 4 cubic feet in volume, causing it to exude an aura of menace. For the next hour, anyone that comes within 20 feet of it must make a Wisdom saving throw (DC: 8) or become frightened by it and attempt to leave the 20 foot radius surrounding the trash pile.

Bite Enhancement (Level 1)—For one hour, your bites deal double damage.

Spooky Pebble (Cantrip)—You summon a ghostly pebble from beyond the mortal plane. The pebble can touch objects but floats a few inches above the ground, and disappears after 15 minutes.

Rain Hemorrhage (Level 1)—You summon reddish-brown rain clouds above an area within 100 feet of you with a 10 foot radius, which release a downpour of fresh blood for 3 minutes before dissipating.

Pervading Terminology (Level 2)—You choose a random word, in any language or of your own invention, and speak an enchantment containing it over an object of your choice. For 24 hours, all entities within 30 feet of you that fail an Intelligence saving throw (DC:20) will refer to the object using that word, including the caster. If any entities successfully pass the saving throw and question the use of the word, all affected by the spell will begin to more broadly apply the word, using it to apply to the class of objects the object belongs to or to other, similar objects. If the caster passes their initial Intelligence save they can end the spell whenever they choose; otherwise it ends after 24 hours.

Sunburst Remedy (Level 2)—During the hours of daylight, you spend 15 minutes gathering a burst of sunshine, which can be used at any time until sunset to end the effect of one poison, disease or curse from an entity you can touch.

Soil Acquirement (Level 1)—You instantly transfer up to a cubic foot of dirt from the ground around you into your pack or into any container you are carrying.

Certifying Boar (Level 1)—Summons a spectral boar which confers upon you a license or certification of your choice. For one hour, anyone who attempts to verify that you are qualified to do something requiring a license or certification must make a DC 20 Wisdom saving throw. If failing, they will find that you possess the license or certification, otherwise the spell ends.

Mushroom Identifying (Cantrip)—Once per long rest, you can accurately identify any mushroom and know its properties.

Leaf Incantation (Cantrip)—You pluck a green leaf from a nearby tree and gain a 1st-level spell slot. This can be used once per long rest.

Synthesize Wolf (Level 2)—You arrange organic materials of your choice into the life-sized shape of a wolf and perform rituals (including howling) for several hours over them. At the end of the rituals, the materials will form into a wolf-like creature with the abilities, hit points, etc. and needs of a normal wolf, except its appearance will hint at its components. The creature is tame and follows your commands.

Char Mediocrity (Level 1)—When an entity within 10 feet of you rolls an 8 or above, but no more than 12, on a skill check, you cause fire to envelop them as a reaction, dealing 1d6 fire damage. (You do not automatically know if a roll is within the specified range, but may attempt to cast the spell an unlimited number of times without consuming a spell slot until successful.)

Drenching Purr (Level 1)—A rumbling, cat-like purr emanates from the sky and douses an area with a 5 foot radius in a downpour of water that lasts 2 minutes.

Steely Hiatus (Level 3)—You cause a creature you can touch to be outlined in a gleaming, steel-like layer of magic. For the next 5 minutes or until your concentration is broken, the creature cannot attack, move, take any action or bonus action, be affected by magic, or be damaged even when hit, but can react to being hit and respond to others when spoken to.

Cinder Pain (Cantrip)—As a bonus action, you light a cinder on the skin of a creature within 15 feet, dealing one point of fire damage and breaking their concentration.

Butterflying Charm (Cantrip)—You touch any willing creature or object. For the next 12 hours, butterflies are attracted to the creature or object and will fly around and land on it.

Immobilizing Sizzle (Level 2)—You select an entity within 15 feet of you. For the next 3 minutes, they take 1d4 fire damage per turn and their movement drops to 0.

Counterstrike Feldspar (Level 1)—As a reaction, you enchant a piece of feldspar and propel it at an enemy that has hit you or an ally, dealing 1d12 bludgeoning damage.

Stormy Doom (Level 1)—You summon dark clouds around yourself, causing unfriendly entities that can see you to make Charisma saving throws with a DC equal to your spell save DC. If failing, they become frightened by you until your next turn.

Pillar Striking (Level 5)—Using a piece of workable stone such as granite or marble, which the spell consumes, you can summon a large pillar that can be propelled at an entity within 50 feet of you. If hit, the entity takes 5d10 bludgeoning damage. The pillar immediately crumbles to dust and disappears after striking.

Gargled Greenery (Level 1)—You touch a leaf or stem from any plant, which the spell consumes, and select an entity within 10 feet of you. That entity begins sprouting leaves of the type corresponding to the plant you use as a spell component and begins choking until they dislodge the leaves, until their hit points drop to 0, or until you end the spell.

Dysfunctional Mandolin (Level 1)—You enchant a normal mandolin to be exclusively capable of playing music inappropriate for the tone of any given moment. During sad or somber occasions, the mandolin plays bawdy, upbeat tunes; on happy occasions, it can only play slow, sad songs, and when quiet or restful music is called for, it can only play loud and disruptive songs. A person touching, holding or playing the mandolin believes its tunes to be fully appropriate for the circumstance, and is incapable of admitting otherwise without blame, guilt-tripping or other dysfunctional behaviors. The enchantment lasts 72 hours.

Tempest Obsidian (Level 6)—You use a piece of obsidian, which the spell consumes, to summon a black thundercloud over an area with a radius of 50 feet, from which descends a destructive hail of volcanic glass, lasting 18 minutes. Every entity beginning their turn in the storm cloud must make a Dexterity saving throw (DC:12) or take 2d10 piercing damage from obsidian shards.

Sedative Coupon (Level 1)—You spend several hours mulling over an abstruse ritual, ending with you writing several obscure symbols on a small piece of paper or other material that can be written upon. You then spill some blood onto the ground and drop the writing into a portal that appears before you to a hellish dimension, where it is accepted by an unknown entity that bestows upon you the ability to relieve the suffering of a creature you can touch, healing 1d10 hit points and inducing peaceful sleep. If any other object is dropped into the portal, a clawed hand will emerge from the portal and attempt to drain all the blood in your body as payment, but you can prevent this by mentally ending the spell.

Stupefying Tether (Level 1)—You enchant a length of ordinary rope. For 8 minutes, any entity that is restrained with the rope has disadvantage on Wisdom and Intelligence checks and saving throws.

Immediate Sunflower (Cantrip)—You drop a sunflower seed on the ground. It immediately grows into a mature sunflower.

Unfaithful Likeness (Level 1)—You roll a d6 and manifest a spectral image of a person you choose. According to your roll, the likeness is unfaithful in one of the following ways: 1—It is accurate, except the likeness exaggerates one or more of their prominent features, like a mean-spirited caricature. 2—It is accurate, except the likeness makes the person much more attractive than they normally are. 3—The likeness’s skin tone, hair color, and eye color are all noticeably different from what it actually is like. 4—The likeness is accurate, except the person is shown wearing clothes they would never actually wear. 5—The likeness is accurate, except the person appears significantly taller or shorter than they actually are. 6—The likeness is not accurate at all, and instead depicts a seemingly random person. This image lasts 6 minutes or until you end the spell.

Folly Recirculating (Cantrip)—Once per long rest, when an entity you can see is attempting a skill check that another entity has already failed, you can cause the failing roll to be repeated. This still causes the same outcome if the new entity possesses different bonuses that would cause a different outcome than the original.

Antagonizing Pseudopod (Level 2)—A portal opens within a ten-foot range of you, from which protrudes a fleshy pseudopod. This appendage pokes, annoys, and harasses an entity within 5 feet of it that you select, giving it disadvantage on all saving throws and -2 to ability checks for one minute. The pseudopod has an AC of 19. If it is hit, the spell ends; if an attempt to hit misses, the pseudopod retreats into the portal for one turn unharmed.

Falsifying Moaning (Level 1)—For the next 10 minutes, whenever an ally within 10 feet of you attempts a Deception roll, moaning voices appear that support the deceptive statements or actions, granting a +5 bonus to the Deception rolls. The moans are unpleasant and cause everyone in the vicinity to feel uncomfortable, but have no harmful effects.

Exhuming Vine (Level 1)—You cause a vine to grow up from the ground at your feet, dragging up in its entangling tendrils any bones buried within a 10 foot radius of you (up to 10 feet underground)

Downgrading Mist (Level 2)—Summons a cloud of mist in a sphere with a 30-foot radius centered on the caster. All weapons within the cloud have their damage debuffed by -2, and all other magic items which cause bonuses to rolls have their bonuses debuffed by -1.