Latest Posts by annomimi - Page 2

I'm having so many brainworms right now so i'm forcing y'all to listen teehee

anyway, headcanon that Bell had the most gorgeous big brown eyes.

It was the first thing anyone ever noticed about them. Brown eyes are the most common color, but Bell wore them like they were a sacred gem. Deep, haunted, and achingly soulful. In the sterile glow of a safehouse in Berlin, the fluorescent lights bled across their eyes like distant dying stars, flickering in the hollow space of their gaze. Their eyes could be called fawn-like, or maybe a lamb. You’d never guess that they belonged to someone so horrifically scarred by the ugliness of the world.

How ironic that also like a lamb, tethered by a leash they couldn’t see, they trailed along so willingly to their slaughter--by the one man they trusted more than their own mind, no less. A beautifully blind devotion, don't you think? Right up to the barrel of the gun.

Am I the only one who thinks about how impersonal Bell’s death was?

Like, from their perspective, the man who’d been their best friend for decades, fought alongside them, betrayed them. Even if they had some time to process it between the interrogation and Solovetsky, it had to have hurt.

Especially because he didn’t even give them the decency of an intimate death. That was phrased weird but let me cook.

It was just a bullet wound. He didn’t even give them an emotionally charged death. Not even point-blank. Adler was standing few feet away from him. I feel like they would’ve been more content if they’d been, say, stabbed or strangled. Because at least then they’d know Adler felt something towards them. But Adler didn’t do that. He downed them like he would’ve any other target. Quick. Disinterested.

Even after giving up everything, he still took more. He put them down, just like what he thought they were. A dog.

So I noticed something in Cold War. Hudson says "They act like they know who they're dealing with." This was in reference to Bell. The part that got me confused is we know because of Adler that Bell didn't crack under any forms of interrogation or torture... but what if he did? Hudson could feasibly be the only one to know information about Bell and could've gained it without Adler knowing. Hudson is known to not tell anyone anything unless it is important to the mission and even then, he might not. So Bell could've told him of their past, but not anything important to what Hudson needed to know. In interrogation, Bell probably tried to threaten Hudson, so Hudson knows what kind of person Bell is and a bit of their past.

However, there is something else that could connect the dots. Hudson could've known of Bell from the whole Operation Greenlight thing. We know Bell was Perseus' right hand, so they would have to be known to at least some portion of the CIA and we can tell Hudson has higher clearance than Adler.

Either Hudson knew of Bell from previous encounters, previous information, or from the interrogations he did on Bell.

I doubt they encountered each other before as Hudson doesn't work on the field much, but it's a slim chance.

Also that might explain why Hudson is nicer to Bell than I'd imagine him to be. Like c'mon he has to know some of Bell's personal life from before. Otherwise, why would he help teach Bell certain things about working for the CIA and doing certain mission types? Like obviously he knows Bell is gonna end up dead, but Hudson doesn't seem like the type to waste his breath on something like that. He sees Bell as a person more so than the other two people in charge of him, which makes him lovable to me.

Duga ending Bell with Stockholm syndrome? Of course!

Listen, I know why people like to have Adler and Bell get their own happily ever after where they can be domestic and in love or whatever. I understand the appeal. But man I NEED more of adbell being fucking weird and violent. The line between hate and love is incredibly thin further blurred by all the shit they did to bell's brain. They're enemies but also allies, then enemies again and allies once more. They're old friends, they've only known each other for a few months, they went through hell in Da Nang together, Bell has literally never been to Vietnam, Bell's a highly skilled professional Adler trusts the skills of, Adler literally does not think of bell as a person. And all of these are all mixing and overlapping. Give me the dubiousness of how much of Bell's attraction to Adler is genuinely his own versus how much of it was either accidentally or deliberately imprinted into his brain! If Bell has Adler's memories of Vietnam then part of Bell's personality and psyche is actually Adler's. And if Adler is attracted to Bell then this begs the question of whether or not Adler is actually attracted to Bell or rather to the reflection of himself within Bell?

Somehow I imagine what if Felix experienced the state violence as he have done to countless people, just as a punishment, however, I don't think this won't be a proper punishment for him.

Because it is just a cycle of state violence, not breaking it.

I think it'd be proper to him to be stoned by people who were victims, or just a randos passing by. He should be punished by people and democracy, not the state violence nor it's absurdity.

"The people" should punish him.

furthermore, the worst punishment he've got is the sin itself.

Even though he ran away from it, even though he regret it, the fact that he committed state violence won't change forever. It polluted his soul, and let his heart bleed forever

Okay so my earlier stated thoughts on Hudson and him absolutely hating MKUltra, but still following orders because ya know he has to at the end of the day, were confirmed at least to me. I'm replaying it on Realism and I just processed a quote.

"Once President Reagan greenlit Adler's Operations- he fell in line like a good little American Patriot" - Park (talking about Hudson)

If that doesn't tell us that Hudson tried to fight MKUltra, I don't know what would. Like c'mon. Its like very subtly referencing that because come on all the other missions and shit, Hudson would not have fought. He would've just gone with it, but MKUltra he definitely would've had problems with because what he saw Mason go through.

I will defend Hudson to my grave fr fr. Like I used to hate him but I found out about his family and found out what happened in bo1 and bo2 (I haven't played them but I have a pretty good understanding of them) and I'm a Hudson defender now. Also I call him Mr. Worldwide cause he looks like a white Pitbull.

Edit: So this quote is actually in reference to comingling with other agencies, but there could be reason to believe that he knew before hand and didn't want to comingle with MI6 for this mission because of MKUltra. Like he would have to know beforehand. Also he doesn't seem like the type to cause any resistance that could lead to hindrances to the mission itself. He's very professional and doesn't seem like the type to complain about other agencies. He might not like it, but I don't think he'd be the type to make it widely known. Like obviously his close friends would know but not people for said other agencies. It could be a bit of both, but he definitely knew what bringing in Park meant in regards to this specific mission.

Price:"we're after a specially trained individual. Our goal is to apprehend him."

Soap:"okay but what did he do?"

Price:

Price:"shot a CEO."

Soap:"sorry I'm busy"

Ghost:"I'm suddenly blind."

Gaz:"my shoulder is hurt"

Price:

I know a lot of people think Mason and Woods might not know what happened to Bell, but how could they not? Sure Hudson would hate to tell them because he obviously knows the shit Mason goes through... but um they would have to know. Hudson would have to tell them. It's a major detail in the missions and he couldn't have them getting too attached to the Russian.

I like to think that Hudson told them before we even meet Hudson. Like they came into the mission knowing. They were pissed off obviously but they knew. Then the first mission with Woods rolls around and after he tells Mason all about what happens with Bell during the mission.

Woods and Mason are so obviously caught between a rock and a hard place. Like the way they look at Bell during that one briefing is just so heartbroken. They know they can't be too close with Bell, but he's just a kid to them. Like they know what's going to be the end of this kid and they know they can't do anything about it.

I feel like Lazar is the same way. Like to him, Bell is just some curious goofy guy who can be serious when needed. Like they all 100% bonded.

I think Sims might have started to warm up to him at some point too, but had to basically shut of his feelings when it came to Bell.

We all know Park was a fan of Bell and cared about his safety. Hell she never upped his dosage like Adler wanted. I'm pretty sure both her and Sims could've been in charge of that too.

Adler sees Bell as an even more fucked up version of himself and well a dog. They come at his beck and call. They have HIS memories from Vietnam. He created them in a sense as well. Like they are his little pet on his eyes.

Now when it comes to Hudson... I've always believed he never wanted to take part in MK Ultra with Bell. Like come on, he knows what Mason went through, but he has to follow orders. I feel like it's something that eats him up at night, knowing he helped do that to someone. Definitely ends with nightmares and when he's home, his wife is 100% worried. Hudson definitely ended up liking Bell.

I mean they did make Bell the best they could. That definitely includes personality wise. It probably also includes all his maneurisms like how Bell eats, how they speak (this includes talking with their hands or possibly sign language), and even how they walk. Like everything has been conditioned. Everything. Every possible thing that makes up a person has been conditioned into Bell.

I wonder if Hudson, since he is the interrogator, notices little things Bell does that are obvious (to him) that they're from how they used to be. Especially during the ending. Maybe even the little ticks or actions. Hudson probably knows Bell better than anyone. I mean you gotta think. Adler says Bell was immune to all types of interrogation, who would've done that? Hudson. He knows Bell better than Bell knows themself at the end of the campaign. Hudson knows that and it probably eats him up inside. He has morals. You can tell. You can tell by the way he words things, the way he jokes with Bell, even if it's monotone. He's trying to protect his own feelings during the whole game. It's so interesting to me.

what’s in a name?

alluded to it in my last adlerbell rot post but i have such a complex over adler naming bell and i find it difficult to put into words. so here’s a very lengthy attempt:

most of the symbolism behind bell’s name is obvious and doesn’t need much stating: it’s indicative of adler’s ownership of bell, literally naming them like a pet, his property. obvious also that a bell was used in their conditioning; as well as a reference to the study of classical conditioning itself by pavlov, who similarly used a bell to condition behavioural responses in the test subject: a dog (hence the myriad dog imagery/symbolism in adlerbell fics… it’s like crack to me)

but the obvious aside it always hits me deepest as part of the “it wasn’t personal” narrative. it’s insanely personal- it’s intimate. i think i put adlerbell on a little bit of a pedestal to view everything about them through a vaguely romanticised lens, but to me it really is- in the most horrifically tragic and sickening way- romantic.

like, you’re bell, right? you trust this man, bell. he is your friend. you witnessed some of the worst atrocities of mankind and survived hell with him and he is your friend. he calls your name through the smoke and gunfire, as a bullet zips past your ear you hear it amidst the splitting of shrapnel, the tearing of screams silenced for but a moment. each time he extends his arm to pick you up, he calls you, bell. every time he directs you to a point of interest, he beckons you, bell. when he nudges you out of your cot in camp haskins, it’s your name he laughs, bell. when he praises you, and smiles at you in that wry, almost boyish way, and tells you how good of a job you’ve done, how we couldn’t have done it without you, how they should be thanking you- it’s your name, bookended, every time, a fondness notched into the welding that stamps you both together inseparably. bell. every single association you have to your name is whenever he pulls you close, helps you, praises you, saves you. your name alone a positive association- to the respect and affection he has for you. bell.

and it’s to the point. adler says their name at any given moment he can. he says it so often it’s infuriating. like deadass take a shot every time. it’s practically a trope in any fic featuring the two, that he utters their name every other line of dialogue. it’s the first thing he says to them at the start of the game- walking into the safehouse at west berlin- not a word, but their name. sure, obviously isn’t the first time he’s spoken to bell, knowing what came before- but it’s presumably bell’s first time walking around freely since mk ultra. that coupled with the trigger phrase must make for a very pliant response- when he says their name, it’s the same man, as far as bell knows, who fought with them back to back in vietnam. something thicker even than blood.

and i reckon adler likes it. mk ultra was a joint effort but bell’s past is based on his choosing, his memories. by no means did he have to pick their name, but he did. he chose to name the thing he’s helped create. it’s almost sick that the ‘closeness’ bell feels towards adler is really only partially synthetic- over a span of months adler really was there, every day, talking for hours and conditioning them over and over and over again. of course he’d name them. something something don’t name an animal you don’t want to get attached to. but it’s his animal. it’s his dog. they’re his bell.

and there’s something just so sickening and so adler that he could have named them anything else in the world- maybe something inconspicuous and plain, like john or jane; something sweet, something that reminds him of someone else, a song he likes, a nickname, an insult, or even something downright cruel. but i don’t think anything could be more cruel and tragically appropriate than calling them by the name of the instrument you used to condition them. to call them by the tool you used to enslave their mind. the very thing that reset their entire being to zero. a bell. not just their name- but the sound, ever ringing, in the back of their mind. the thing that echoes in the empty inside them, to remind them why it’s empty in the first place, its sole purpose to keep them chained in their loyalty to adler. bell.

like i said, i do really think adler likes it. for whatever reason. ownership, spite, just a way to rub salt in the wound any chance he gets, a small victory only he gets to revel in, right in their face. but bell is his. bell belongs to him. when he says their name, it’s the one he chose. time and patience came alongside that bell that rang perpetual in that lab. he’s said that name as many times as he rang it. maybe a part of adler’s as attached to that instrument as much as he is the person he named after it. i’m sure adler hears it chiming in the recesses of his own mind more than he’d care to admit. he’d been around to hear it as long as bell has, hadn’t he? maybe part of him has grown conditioned in his attachment to that instrument too.

but there must be a semblance of pride when he says it. really, to be able to beckon your dog by the name you chose for it. i wonder if a swell of maddened joy tugs at his blackened heart whenever he sees bell’s head perk up at the sound of their name, the one he chose, as implicit and unthinking, automatic, as though it truly were their own. since birth.

and like it couldn’t be enough that he took everything from them. and most importantly that he took them away from perseus- that he stole perseus’ most precious comrade right out from under him, and turned them to an unflinching loyal pup for himself. this isn’t about you, this isn’t about me, this is about millions of other fucking people. is it? when you croon and tut their name between every sentence, are you sure you don’t just like the satisfaction of saying it, knowing how deeply it disarms them? knowing how they are wholly yours, to their very core? to the name they introduce themselves as? to the one they flinch and come running whenever you say it?

ugh. it’s just- a name is so integral to one’s identity. it shapes their life. their personhood. and he didn’t just erase theirs, but he gave them a new one and made sure they’d like it. a conditioned response of pleasure whenever he’d say it. isn’t that intimate?

he took everything. every single shred of who they were. that not even their name is their own. that even their name, their name, belongs entirely to him.

this didn’t make sense, i wrote this mostly for myself, congrats if u read this far. i just wanted to have every single thought and feeling i had about it jotted in one place and file it away ajshsjksjsjsjs

Shout-out to multilingual writers who are writing in their second (or third and so on) language.

The frustration of speaking it fluently, but still having to google basic words when you're writing.

The absolute joy of finding a word that sounds just perfect and conveys exactly what you mean.

Doubting all your grammar and being afraid to post it or even send it to a beta reader.

The euphoria of someone calling your use of this language, that is not your mother tongue, beautiful.

I sincerely apologise 😢 (bonus points if Bell wasn't even Russian, just a individual of another nation who happened to be under Soviet rule and basically having to live with Soviet communist ideology and oppressed society, even though inside he knew that life could be better than government could offer, but he couldn't do anything about it, especially when he had a somewhat functioning family at home)

I know that bell was pretty much destined to an early death but that won't stop me from talking about them like a wife who just lost her husband in the war

I'm sorry. I'll think about what I did 😔 (I'll think about how more angsty my interpretation of Bell could become)

I know that bell was pretty much destined to an early death but that won't stop me from talking about them like a wife who just lost her husband in the war

(Wrote this with male Bell in mind)

Also, imagine Bell being drafted into Soviet Army almost right after finishing school. Almost all his friends from school were drafted, so it was only natural for him be drafted as well. And it's only for a couple of years, nothing too bad, really. His father must've been proud of him for going to serve his Motherland and his mother...well, she was proud of him too, very proud, but also, she felt worried about him. Although, Bell turned out to be just fine somewhere far away from her. Bell wrote letters, mostly writing down his experiences and complaining about the living conditions a little bit once in a while. After all, mother's food has always been the best, no? Bell missed his mother. A lot. Bell missed his brother and his sister too. Bell even missed his father who used to be so strict with him. Though, eventually, Bell came home, so much to his relief. But, unfortunately, for a short while. Some higher-ups noticed his talents and they want him in the army. Nobody really said army, Bell simply assumed so. After all, where, or how, else he could serve his Motherland? Though, Bell didn't question such strange situation much. Important people reaching out to him already honored him immensely, so it was only natural for him to go work some more God knows where. He wanted to make his family proud, simple as that...

I know that bell was pretty much destined to an early death but that won't stop me from talking about them like a wife who just lost her husband in the war

Do we ever think about the fact that Price had to leave Soap on that table after he died? He never had a proper burial. All that was left was the journal, ink stains that are supposed to contain a person’s entire LIFE. Price never got to cry next to a casket with his partner inside. He never got to deliver a speech in a chapel. Soap was a catholic, he would want to be buried. What do you think Makarov’s men did with Soap’s body?

I believe Price regrets leaving him there. He should have carried him out. 

War took the life of two boys that day. At some point, they were both just boys.

Heshsus

"it was never personal" you were the first person bell saw as you brought them back from the brink of death on that airstrip, you saved them and made yourself the axis upon which their entire worldview rests, you place yourself in the centre of a life they never lived and you took whatever they had left and replaced it with yourself. "it was never personal" you clambered below ground among the waste and filth to cross the fucking berlin wall with them, slinking through abandoned tunnels and through dilapidated houses scrawled with graffiti left by war torn lovers, and muttered praise in their ear knowing it's the only true affection you'll ever give. "it was never personal" you took them with you to berlin, across sentry-lit rooftops. you took them with you to lubyanka, and hid in the dark with them. you took them to that clifftop, vast and serene, and chose that as the one place fit enough to put down your sick dog, maybe because you don't want anyone else to take them anywhere if it's not you holding the leash. "it was never personal" you named them. you named them. you named them.

Tis the season to go all out

This is the woods and mason dynamic right??? Feels like it

Imagine time

Woods: *eating an onion*

Mason: that's fucking cannibalism....

Recently I watched the gameplay of BO6 and I find the (campaign) story to be very interesting. And I genuinely became fond of Felix's character (I have a tendency to basically fall in love with pacifists, I guess I just love this character trope that much). So, I got this idea that has been in my mind for few days now about Felix being a parent.

‼️Warnings: none I guess, just grammar mistakes (probably).

As we all know, Felix is shown as very peaceful character in the game. He's technical genius, very smart, very knowledgable. He's also friendly and mild-mannered, totally standing out from the rest of the "The Rook" group. Though his deeds aren't all that nice, since he himself admitted that he's done things he's not proud of (aka being associated with Stasi). And throughout the campaign he expressed his regret for the killings and murders he commited. But I still dare to say that the idea of him being fairly good father is self-explanatory.

I have this idea that he would be such a good girl dad. Just imagine, after moving to West Germany and living there for a while and working for some good cash, eventually he starts wondering what else he could do. Don't get it wrong, he likes the way of his new life - having a passion for innovations and doing what he likes (programming, cracking codes, etc). Though, he still feels as if his life is lacking something. And that 'something' turns out to be random orphan girl running around the streets without any care in the world.

I'm not exactly sure how these two individuals would've meet nor how these orphanage-systems had been working at the time (I need time to brew something up and also do a research) but I just know that eventually Felix would take this kid in. And I know that he wouldn't really regret that. He's living his new, peaceful life with a purpose of not spreading any more violence and naturally, he can teach another young lost soul this way of living.

The girl herself doesn't really feel lost, at least at first. Though, only later she realises that her life has been lacking a lot. Mouth-watering food, warm tidy bed, a room just for her. Her life lacked safe space to return to after wandering the streets for hours with people she used to call her brothers and sisters (though these peer groups were such a terrible influence on her), a place that she could call home. And in so-called home someone is always waiting for her to return. The someone who eventually starts calling her 'daughter' and the someone she grows to call her 'papa'.

So yeah, I believe that after such interesting experience of adoption, both of them would add more meaning to their lifes. Felix would have someone to tale care of, to teach and generally just be a good person to them, this way lifting up some guilt off his shoulders. And the said girl would find home and eventually would learn that the world isn't only poor streets, dark alleys and bad companies.

I guess in the future I'll write more to this idea (because I'm obsessed, at least right now). Though, someone else's writing on this would be very much appreciated as well <33

its my b-day!! the best present for an artist is a repost ;)

obligatory doodle

immortal tragic soulmates au but the twist is that you're the immortal one and Ghost is the one that keeps dying and being reborn, and no matter how hard you try to avoid him for his own safety, he always finds you and aggressively pursues you in every life despite having no memory of his former lives

tv tropes + attack on titan ↳ character tropes: armin

“What’s your favourite scene in attack on titan?”

“Oh probably -”

Well MINE is the scene Reiner and Bertholdt confess but it’s specifically the three seconds after they confess where the sun shines through the clouds and the music swells and it feels like the whole world has stopped and my whole brain reboots and -

man rewatching any episodes of attack on titan can be so like, weirdly nostalgic for me. i know i haven’t known it as long as other people have but it truly had the biggest place in my heart and such a profound impact on me. i think it’s one of the greatest stories ever told tbh. like fuck, i’m just reminded of how amazing this story really is. the magnitude of detail that Isayama put into his world building and story telling is truly nothing short of fantastic honestly. the characters are so well-developed, each with their own motivations and flaws and personalities that make them seem so human. i am not surprised so many anime lovers call it the greatest story ever told. to me, it is exactly that.

G-d, I hate how thr anime change people perceptive that Ymir's letter to Historia was short. It wasn't short in the manga.

This is Ymir actually letter.

"My dearest Historia,

Reiner is standing to my side. He is catching glimpses as I write this letter of my love for you. What a creep, he is never getting a girlfriend. But he did promise me that he would deliver this letter to you. He says he wants to repay me for saving them that day.

I’m sorry for what happened then. I never imagined I would choose them over you. I’ll be dead not long after these words. But I don’t regret anything.

I didn’t have a name. I didn’t know who my parents were, or where they were from. My earliest memory is of being one beggar among many. But one day, a man showed up and gave me a name.

Ever since then, people called me Ymir.

You may not think it’s much of an unusual name, but all I had to do was take it, and then I was given a fine bed and fed meals. That wasn’t all. Those adults who, until then, acted like I was invisible all got on their knees and revered me. As for the man who named me, he began ti dress more and more extravagantly, and as he did, he grew happier.

I felt good, too. All I had to do to make everyone delighted and happy was play the role that I had been given. That’s what I believed. And that’s why I kept playing the part of Ymir.

People had started to call me devil before I knew it; but I still kept playing the part of Ymir.

The man who had given me a name claimed that I had “tricked him.”

Still, I kept playing the part of Ymir.

I thought if that’s what would save them, it would be fine. But…

There are some people in this world who have rocks thrown at them for nothing more than existing. As their symbol, I was stoned from head to toe.

It seems that in this world, it doesn’t mean anything in particular that a simple chunk of flesh can scream and flail.

No.

It doesn’t mean a thing.

That’s why I think the world is so incredible.

I opened my eyes again, and spread before me was freedom.

From there, I began to walk and I lived the way I wanted. I have no regrets.

Or so I’d like to say. But to be honest, I do have one.

You and I still aren’t married.

–Ymir"